The Love She Wants
by LostChick
Summary: Kate has waited almost five years to marry Sawyer and start a life with him, right when everything seems to be moving forward, Jack Shephard steps back into her life. KS & KJ Rated M for reasons. Please read and comment.
1. Futures and Pasts

**A/N**: First of all this will be an LOST story, but…it will taken place as if some of the plots in Seasons 2 and 3 did not happen. Although all of the character deaths will remain the same. If you have any questions you can ask. Oh and this story happens after everyone has been rescued.

**Rating**: Rated M for Adult content and situations. There will be sex, so if that bothers you don't read this story.

**Disclaimer**: I do not own anything that has to do with LOST, I just like the characters.

**Characters**: Most Characters make an appearance, but it will mostly be between Kate, Jack, and Sawyer.

* * *

Chapter 1: Futures and Pasts"You still mad aren't you freckles?" asked Sawyer as Kate walked away from him. He had walked into their bedroom, wrapped his arms around her and kissed her neck. "I asked you to marry me didn't I?" 

"You did Sawyer," Kate said with a nod, "You did."

"And you're still pissed?" asked Sawyer frowning, "What the fuck do you want me to do?"

"Hell Sawyer," said Kate turning around and glaring at him, "Maybe act like you actually want me to marry you. We have been together for almost five years…it just seems like that should be the next step. But you don't want to move forward, your happy with this aren't you?"

"Shit yeah," said Sawyer rolling his eyes. "Why aren't you?"

"There is more to a relationship then sex," Kate said simply as she headed for the door. "But I think you've been thinking with a different head lately."

Kate slammed the door and rested her back up against the wall. She wanted Sawyer to come after; she wanted him to apologize to her. But she knew Sawyer better then anyone. He wasn't going to come outside. He would wait until she came home from work and then he would use his smooth words and Southern charm to win her forgiveness like he always did.

Hadn't he realized everything she had been through for him? She had not committed that murder she had been convicted of before ending up on that fucking piece of land. Once they were rescued she had been forced to serve three years in jail for the bank robbery. She had been lucky; she will even admit that, she had been lucky to get away with such a lenient punishment. Sawyer had waited for her through it all. He visited her every week; she received a letter from him everyday. In them he had promised her marriage and the life she had always wanted. But it had been two years since then and they had just gotten engaged. And that was only after she had complained, bitched, and moaned. Deep down she knew that she loved Sawyer and wanted to be with him, but she did not know how much longer she could go along with his little games.

Okay, she knew that no one in their right mind wanted to hire a former inmate, a felon you could even call her, but it couldn't be this hard to get a job. It was just a job, she didn't want anything fancy, she just needed something to do during the day, while Sawyer sat at home living off the money they had received from Oceanic Airlines. Kate was restless, she had to be busy. Always had to have something to do.

"Miss Austen?" asked a young woman whose hair was bleach blonde with pink highlights.

"Yeah," replied Kate following the room into a pure white room, nothing on the walls, just an oak desk with one chair behind it and the other in front. Kate sat down and waited for the woman to speak.

"Welcome to Cedars-Sinai Medical Center," she had routinely, "The largest non-profit hospital in the Western United States."

"Thanks?" said Kate uncomfortable. She looked down at what she was wearing. It was not too impressive. Just a pair of jeans a nice shirt, she had only applied for one job before, when she was sixteen. Everything pretty much changed after 18.

"You applied for the secretary position right?" asked the woman flipping through Kate's application.

"Yeah," Kate said cracking her knuckles nervously.

"You have been convicted of a crime?" asked the woman raising a pierced eyebrow at Kate. Kate nodded nonchalantly and the woman gave her a meek smile. "Well I think you'll work. Follow me."

The woman led Kate out of the office and into the orthopedic department. She pointed to the desk in the front of the unit. The whole unit was not very busy. Doctors were walking up and down the hallways checking on patients. The nurses almost seemed bored, they were all sitting at their station, some were text messaging other were talking rapidly to each other…one even seemed to be falling asleep.

"This will be your desk. Answer the phone calls, make the appointments, and keep track of the charts. It's all very simple, if you have a question just call down to the main desk and ask me," said the Pink haired woman as she walked away down the hallway, "And by the way, you start now."

* * *

"And she made you start right then?" asked Claire shaking her blonde head in disbelief, "What a bitch." 

"Tell me about it," said Kate after taking a drink out of her soda. "And if was hard work too, I felt so overwhelmed for most of the day, it was pretty bad. The best part was lunch."

"It will get better," said Claire nodding wisely, "Your just not used to work, schedules and all… AARON GET OUT OF THE TREE!"

Ten-year-old Aaron yelled at his Mom through the open window. Claire was standing in front of a sink full of dishes. Kate was sitting at the small island in the middle of the kitchen. Claire had moved to Los Angeles right after the rescue. She had gone to school so she could support herself and her son; she was now a fourth grade teacher at the nearest Elementary School. Claire had been able to buy herself a house on the outskirts of the city. She was thirty and living the perfect life. Kate was jealous of her best friend, everything about Claire's life made her jealous.

"So have you even started planning your wedding?" asked Claire sitting down across from Kate.

"Um. No." said Kate simply. Her words were harsh and bitter; "I am not planning anything until I know that this is what Sawyer wants. A part of me thinks that he loves me and wants to marry me and then there is the part of me that knows him and knows what he would rather be doing. He doesn't want to settle down…he likes this life. He likes just being together."

"But you deserve happiness too," said Claire.

She had told Kate on the island that she did not think the relationship between Kate and Sawyer was the best of ideas. Kate had told her to trust her and she knows what she was getting into. It was about the sixth month of captivity (that's what Kate called her time of the island) when and Sawyer became a couple…she guessed that what's you called it. They broke themselves away from the rest of the castaways and just stayed together… it was exclusive. No one was allowed into his or her world. It was kind of sexy how Sawyer only wanted to be with Kate, but then sometimes it became smothering.

"I _am_ happy," stressed Kate, "I'm just a little confused. I just need some time to get everything figured out."

"Just do it fast," said Claire, "Because you're my best mate and I want you to be happy."

* * *

"Hey Baby," said Sawyer as Kate walked into the apartment. She threw her car keys onto the kitchen counter and kicked off her shoes. 

"Hi," said Kate after yawning. "How was your day?"

"Fine," said Sawyer. He was sitting on the couch, an open beer on the one side of the couch, a bag of potato chips in his lap, and the remote control in his hand. It looked like he had been sitting there all day.

"Good," said Kate walking towards the bathroom. She closed the door behind her and locked it; it would prevent Sawyer from strolling in during her shower like he was known to do. Tonight, she just wasn't in the mood.

Kate walked out of the bathroom a half an hour later. Her hair dripping went, water getting the top of her nightshirt. Sawyer was in the bedroom. He was sitting up in bed, shirt, the blankets covering his boxer shorts, he was reading a book. Sawyer had brought his hobby on the island, off the island; his bookshelf covered an entire wall of the apartment.

"Have a nice shower?" asked Sawyer as Kate sat down on the edge of the bed. She grabbed her hairbrush from her bedside table and began brushing her hair. She sighed deeply and put down the brush.

"Yep," said Kate simply. Lying down in bed, she covered herself with a blanket and closed her eyes. She knew it was coming, she felt Sawyer's hand on her shoulder, His fingers tracing shapes into her pale smooth skin. "Sawyer." Her voice sounded annoyed, "I am really tired, please let me sleep."

"What the fuck have I done now?" asked Sawyer angrily.

"Are you mad because I don't feel like messing around?" asked Kate sitting up suddenly.

"No," said Sawyer half honest.

"Because I am tired," she said rolling her eyes as she looked away, "Because I have a job…where you work…instead of sitting around the house all day."

"Do you want me to get a job?" asked Sawyer eyeing her "Is that is what shitting you Freckles?"

"Yeah, I want you to get a job," said Kate firmly, "And I don't want you to marry me unless you want too. I am not going to force you into doing anything."

"Your not forcing me into anything," said Sawyer, "No one forces me into doing anything."

"Okay," said Kate lying back down.

"And now you are okay?" asked Sawyer slightly confused.

"Sure," said Kate.

"Do you need me to fucking get down on one knee and ask you to marry me and have me read you some well written poem from the heart?" asked Sawyer.

"No," said Kate, "Because I know that is not you. I just want you to be you. And I want you to want to be with me."

"Well I do want to be with you," said Sawyer.

"Why Sawyer?" asked Kate sitting up again, this time seeming more frustrated. "Why?"

"Because I love you," said Sawyer quickly, "Because I am in love you with you, okay?"

"Okay," said Kate as he leaned in and kissed her. Kate ran her fingers through his hair and kissed him back intensely. Sawyer's hands were on her breasts…he was massaging her nipples with his thumbs. "Sawyer" Kate moaned out deeply. "I really need to sleep…"

"But I want you…"Sawyer said as he broke away their lips. He kissed her neck and down towards her collarbone, "I need you…"

"I need you too," said Kate. Kate loved this man, no matter his faults, she loved him…she wanted to be with him, "But I need you to understand that everything is not about sex, baby. Please, I need to sleep, but I promise tomorrow I will make it up to you."

"Promise?" asked Sawyer wrapping his arms around her.

"Of course," said Kate giving him a quick kiss, "I usually do, don't I?"

* * *

"Kate!" called the pink and blonder haired woman, who name was Mariana. 

"Yeah?" asked Kate. After a week at this job she was getting pretty good at it. Everything at home was improved, Sawyer had gotten a job at a lumberyard and their relationship seemed to be mending. To Claire's delight, Kate had finally chosen her bridesmaid color…indigo.

"There is a new doctor starting today, he is going to be working up here," said Mariana quickly looking through a pile of papers in her arm, "A doctor Shephard."

"Oh," said Kate her heart beginning to race. She did not know why she was acting this way. Shephard was a common name; it wasn't necessarily Jack who was going to be working here. It couldn't be Jack. She couldn't let it be Jack. He hadn't spoken to her since she and Sawyer had hooked up on the island. She had liked Jack first, she would admit that to anyone, but she had quickly realized that she would never fit into his world. She had given up on him and in the end he had given up on her. But still, everyday she thought about him and how he was doing. Sometimes she didn't realize she was until she was asking Sawyer if he knew anything about him…and then sometimes when she was driving alone she would think about him…

"A Jack Shephard," said Mariana handing Kate a bunch of files. Kate stood there in shock as Mariana walked away and the elevator door open. Standing there looking at her was Jack Shephard, he looked good too, clean-shaven and handsome. He was wearing a pair of navy blue scrubs and a doctor's jacket. Their eyes met immediately and his mouth opened slightly in shock. He was walking towards her; Kate's heart flew towards her throat.

"Hi," Jack said to her.

To be continued…


	2. Reuniting

Chapter 2: Reuniting

"Hi," said Kate after a few moments of silence. "Wow…I didn't expect to see you…here…"

"Yeah," said Jack looking down and then back up and her, catching her eyes made his heart flutter, he had fallen in love with Kate even though she had been with Sawyer, and he thought he had gotten over her. Maybe he hadn't… "How are you?"

"I'm good," said Kate smiling at him. He smiled back, Kate felt as if she had just taken the big drop on a roller coaster. "How are you?"

"Very good," said Jack nodding while he smiled. "I was working at the USC hospital and decided I wanted to work somewhere with a bit more meaning…and you are here…?"

"Because I need to get a job," said Kate simply. She smiled in mingled embarrassment and shock, "Speaking of which I need to get back to work, but maybe we could eat lunch…together."

"Of course," said Jack checking his watch. "I have lunch around noon so I'll meet you down in the cafeteria, sound good?"

"Sounds great," said Kate.

Why had she done that? She had asked Jack to meet her for lunch. She was engaged; she was going to marry Sawyer. She should have been polite to Jack and then have told him that she was engaged and that she would see him around. But she wanted to talk to him; she wanted to see how he was. Something inside of her had taken over; she had no control over it. She wanted to speak with Jack…

"Hey," said Jack sitting down across from her at the table all the way in the back of the cafeteria. They had almost identical lunches; each had a salad with only tomatoes and cucumbers, a turkey sandwich and a diet coke. "I almost couldn't find you."

"Sorry," said Kate smiling up at him, "Save any lives today?"

"Only a few," said Jack with a laugh.

Kate could not stop smiling at him. He was flirting with her, she didn't think that he was doing it intentionally, but he was…and she was almost flirting back with him…almost.

"Typical you," said Kate. She had mentioned the island. Not directly, but almost…that was something she would never do with Sawyer, "You saved many lives on the island."

"I saved more then you would know about," said Jack suddenly. Kate looked away from tears were forming in her eyes. She batted them away quickly and looked back at him. He looked sad. "I'm sorry, that was inappropriate of me."

"It's okay," said Kate shrugging, "I know I was rude…I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize," Jack said. He put down his fork and looked at her, their comfortable lunch, as friends had grown increasingly uncomfortable. "So how have you been?"

"Pretty good," said Kate. Jack frowned slightly. Oh he wanted details did he? "Well I got back and got sentence to three years in a minimum security prison, severed my time, and now I am living in L.A. and…am engaged…"

"To Sawyer?" asked Jack quickly.

"Yes," said Kate.

"I'm happy for you," said Jack. The words pained him, he was not sure if he had meant them. "Care to hear about my life?"

"Of course," said Kate with a little half-smile.

"Well I started working right after we got back at USC, got bored with it and hear I am," said Jack, "That is pretty much it, had to beg my mother's forgiveness so I could be accepted back into the family and she has taken it upon herself to hook me up with the richest and bitchest women in the city."

"Oh very nice," said Kate laughing, "The bitchest women?"

"You would not believe me if I told you about them," said Jack sitting back in his chair, the tension was becoming friendlier again.

"We have fifteen more minutes," said Kate looking up at the clock above her head, "And there is always tomorrow…"

* * *

"Jack?" asked Claire her mouth slightly agape.

"Yeah," said Kate pacing back and forth around the kitchen. "He just appeared today. And then we had lunch it was nice."

"Nice?" asked Claire, "Kate you are engaged to another man!"

"I'm not sleeping with him, Claire," snapped Kate.

"No," said Claire sarcastically, "You just being buddy-buddy with a man that Sawyer hates to the core. That's not that bad…really."

"You are making me feel like I am cheating on Sawyer," said Kate frustrated. "And I am not."

"But I know how you felt about Jack," said Claire sounding exasperated.

"Felt," said Kate sitting down, "Felt. Past tense…."

"It better stay past tense," said Claire, "You and Sawyer have worked so hard at making your relationship work, don't forget that and do something stupid."

"I'm not going to do something stupid," said Kate shaking her head, "I won't."

* * *

"Hey," said Kate walking through the door. Sawyer was in the kitchen cooking away. "You're cooking?"

"Don't look so surprised," said Sawyer giving Kate a kiss. Kate jumped up on the counter top and began swinging her legs back and forth. "How was work?"

"Work?" asked Kate. She looked over to her left and the to her right and then to Sawyer, "Work was good. Just the normal."

She felt a pang of guilt erupt through her, but she knew Sawyer would overreact. And it was just lunch, there was no need for a huge explosion over something so simple.

"Is there something you want to tell me?" asked Sawyer looking over at her, he could tell there was something plaguing her mind.

"No," said Kate shaking her head, "I'm good…really."

To be continued…


	3. Discussions and Decisions

Chapter 3: Discussions and Decisions

Kate was walking down the aisle, Sawyer stayed behind. He watched as Kate and their wedding planner Marissa O'Brien examined the church, they discussed the decoration possibilities, and how many guests the church could hold. Sawyer had taken a seat in one of the pews and relaxed as Marissa and Kate continued their chattering.

Sawyer considered himself lucky to be with Kate; honestly he was surprised that she had chosen him over God-like-doctor Jack Shephard. He had the looks, the charm, and the money. But Kate chose him, and he was damn lucky to have such a woman. Kate was perfect, the perfect body, hair…everything. She was just beautiful, body and soul.

"Yo," Kate said hitting his arm awaking him from his thoughts, "Are you ready to go?"

"Been ready Freckles," said Sawyer smiling his dimpled smile, "Can we go home now?"

"No," said Kate laughing as she took his hand and led him out of the church, "We still have two more churches to look at."

"Why do we have to get married in a church?" asked Sawyer as they got into Kate's black Range Rover.

"Because I want to," said Kate pulling out of the parking lot.

"Your not even fucking religious," said Sawyer turning up the radio almost to drown out Kate's reply.

"That was fucking rude," said Kate turning the radio off, "And how do you know if I am religious or not? It's not like we even talked about it."

"Well most religious people attend church ya know?" Sawyer said snappishly, "And you haven't gone…"

"And?" asked Kate, "That doesn't mean a thing, maybe I just don't feel like going. This proves that you don't know anything about me."

"Oh yeah," said Sawyer sarcastically, "I don't know one fucking thing about you."

"Not the things that matter!" Kate said sounding frustrated. "Do you even know what I want for the future? We need to talk about these things before we get married."

"I'm not big on these types of talks," said Sawyer trying to reach for the radio dial, but Kate slapped his hand away.

"Sawyer!" said Kate tears forming in her eyes, "Do you want to have kids some day?"

"No," Sawyer said simply, "Hence the box of condoms in the bathroom."

"God," said Kate slightly disgusted, "That's great Sawyer. Great Baby."

"Damn," said Sawyer as Kate slammed the door as they reached the next church, "She fucking pissed again."

* * *

"Hey," said Kate as she walked up behind Jack, she tossed her brown lunch bag onto the table and sat down.

"What's wrong?" Jack asked. He had already eaten half of his lunch.

"Everything," said Kate opening up the bag, she dumped out the contents and sighed deeply, "Do you know what you want for the future Jack?"

"I have a pretty good idea," said Jack nodding. "Don't you?"

"No," said Kate, "Well I do…but Sawyer…his ideas are just so different. I want a family, a big family, I want to go back to school and get a real job, I want to live in the suburbs, in a house with a picket fence and a dog. But Sawyer, he is happy in the little apartment and these suck-ass jobs."

"I see," Jack said feeling slightly uncomfortable, "Well I think you should tell him how you feel."

"I try," said Kate aggravated. "But he is just so narrow minded about all of this, he made it quite clear that he doesn't want to have kids…and it broke my heart."

"He doesn't have a right to do that," Jack said firmly. Kate looked up at him and her eyes lit up. Jack looked down quickly and began to eat his lunch. After a minute he looked back up at her and sighed deeply. "Kate?"

"Yeah?" asked Kate with a smile.

"Are we friends?" Jack asked finally. It had been a question he wanted to ask for the last two weeks. Every day they had eaten lunch together. They talked about everything…almost everything, nothing too personal. But Kate had crossed that line today.

"Of course we are," Kate said slightly dumbfounded. "Why?"

"Because we seem to be acting like people who are friends," Jack said feeling embarrassed.

"We've always been friends," said Kate gently, "Even when I didn't act like it. I'm sorry if I ever hurt you Jack."

Jack's eyes met her's and he smiled at her. She knew that Jack forgave her. Everything she had done to him on the island, not speaking to him despite their instant connection and friendship. They could start over and really be friends. And then suddenly Kate wanted to kiss jack, the emotion came quickly and left just as fast. She broke the eye contact and looked away; sure that her face was beat red. She pretended to check her watch and then spoke once she knew her voice would be strong.

"Damn," said Kate standing up, "I gotta get back to work. Sorry, same time tomorrow?"

"Yes," Jack said his voice trailing off as Kate ran away.

To be continued…


	4. Run In

Chapter 4: Run-In

"Pickles," Kate said to herself as she walked down the aisle. She glanced among the dozens of selves, "Why does he want pickles?" Kate continued walking until she reached the section she was looking for, it was right by the olives…duh. Kate picked up a jar and placed it into her half-full cart and walking forward. She felt her cart clash with someone else's, "I am so sorry…. Jack!"

"Hey," said Jack with a smile as he picked out a couple of items of his that had fallen into Kate's cart, "I'm surprised to see you here."

"Why?" Kate joked, "Surprised that I eat? Or that I cook?"

"You cook?" asked Jack unable to stop himself.

"No," admitted Kate with a smile, "Not at all, but I have decided that I would attempt. I'll bring some to work so you can try my meatloaf."

"I'm glad that we will be in a hospital," said Jack. Kate hit him playfully in the arm, "I'm just joking of course."

"Damn you eat a lot," said Kate looking into Jack's cart. There had to be enough food in there for three or four people.

"I have roommates," said Jack simply.

"You do?" asked Kate surprised, "Can the doctor not afford his own house?"

"Well," said Jack not at all taken aback by the personal question, "Not since I took a pay cut to work at Sinai… and the money from Oceanic did not last as long as I thought it would. So Hurley, Sayid, and I all own a house together. We don't really act like roommates though; we are never at home at the same time. But we live right out side the city, California is so expensive these days."

"Tell me about it," Kate said as they pushed their carts side-by-side down another aisle, "I am really glad I got this job, the extra money is really coming in handy."

"I'm glad you got the job too," Jack said his ears turning pink. He looked down at her hands and saw the engagement ring, a simple Emerald cut diamond on a gold band, and it was gleaming from the florescent light bulbs above.

"I haven't talked to Hurley or Sayid in a long time," said Kate changing the subject, Jack's comment had made her blush, she could not remember the last time she had blushed so deeply. "How are they?"

"Fine," said Jack with a simple shrug, "Hurley is famous, he has embraced his inner celebrity since the crash, his goal is to be the Mexican-Male version of Oprah, and Sayid is working with the FBI on the terrorism in the Middle East, his inside information seems to be making a big difference, but like I said we don't really see each other much during the week."

"The only person I stayed in contact with was Claire," said Kate, "She has such a good life now, I will admit full heartedly that I am completely and utterly jealous of her. You should see the house she had…in the perfect neighborhood."

"I have seen it," said Jack as he threw a package of Oreos on top of the food, "She had a dinner-party for all of us island-folk about four years ago, of course you could not be there…"

"Yeah," said Kate with a meek smile, "I was enjoying the finer side of the California judicial department…but I don't really like to talk about it."

"Subject dropped," Jack replied, "So how is work going? You seem to be getting along well."

"Thanks to Mariana," said Kate shaking her head as she thought of her eccentric boss, "She is a bit out there."

"Oh yeah," said Jack, "She has corned me several times…I think she wants me."

"Oh very nice," Kate said laughing, "And do you want her back Doctor?"

"Hell no," said Jack looking appalled, "She is scary. Her eyes…they are like mind controlling. She looks at you and she is like…you must find me irresistible, stop right here and make sweet love to me."

"Haha," Kate said laughing harder then she could ever remember. She was sure she had laughed like this before, but it had been so long that she could not recall the occasion, "God you make me laugh."

"You're the only person that finds me funny," Jack said.

"Oh I doubt that," said Kate after regaining her composure. "So…are you dating anyone?"

"Nah," said Jack shaking his head, "No time really and I'm not really looking. I am going to be really particular this time, I've been through one divorce and it was not fun…this time I am looking for something real."

"Yeah," said Kate absentmindedly. She thought about her relationship, how real was it? How everlasting was it? She wasn't sure yet, but she had to find out…their wedding was in less the three months. She had to make sure this is what she wanted. Of course it is; why is she questioning herself? She knew exactly what she wanted…

"Kate?" Jack said shaking touching her arm. Kate felt a spark fly through her whole body; she looked up at Jack and it his deep brown eyes.

"What?" she said dreamily.

"Your phone," Jack said unaware of Kate's dream state.

"Oh!" Kate said loudly snapping out her daydream. "Fuck." She answered the phone:

"Hey Baby."

"Where are you?" asked Sawyer. He was talking so loud that Jack didn't even have to try and listen in.

"Grocery shopping, I told you I was going."

"How long does it take you to buy some food?"

"A while," answered Kate icily, "We had no food in the house."

"Fine, but hurry up."

"Alright."

"I love you."

Kate paused.

"Kate?"

"Oh. You too. Bye."

"Does he always check up on you like that?" asked Jack after Kate had hung up and thrown the phone back into her purse.

"Is that any of your business?" Kate snapped at Jack.

"Sorry," said Jack taken back. "I thought I could ask one question after all the personal ones coming from you."

"Sorry," said Kate feeling ashamed. She looked down at her feet and then back at Jack, he did not look angry at her…how could he not be angry? She was being a complete bitch, but he sat there and took it.

"Forget it," said Jack pulling his cart away from hers, "I'm going to go check out, I will see you on Monday. Make sure to bring me some of that meatloaf."

"I will," Kate said delicately.

* * *

"Kate!" Sawyer said standing up as Kate walking into the door, two large brown paper bags in her arms. "Your home." 

"If you are going to start yelling at me because I took so long, don't", demanded Kate roughly.

"I wasn't," said Sawyer taking the bags from her. He put them on the counter and then took Kate's hands and led her away from the kitchen and into their bedroom.

"Sawyer…" Kate said but they she realized that there was a box wrapped in pink paper on their bed. She looked at Sawyer who motioned to the box. Kate walked forward nervously and picked up the lid, inside the box was a small Maltese puppy. She was wrapped up in a tiny ball so she looked like a snowball. "Sawyer?"

"Do you like it?" asked Sawyer.

"Yes," said Kate petting the puppy's soft fur. "But why?"

"Because I thought it would be one step towards that future you want," Sawyer said gently brushing the hair that had fallen in front of Kate's face away. "Isn't that what you want?"

"Is that what you wanted?" Kate asked putting her hands on his chest, "I don't want to force anything on you Sawyer. Please don't do these things because you think it's what I want."

"Are you falling out of love with me?" asked Sawyer suddenly. His voice was harsh.

"What?" asked Kate crossing her arms, "What kind of question is that? Would I be marrying you if I didn't love you?"

"For about a month now you have been acting really weird," said Sawyer, "You aren't acting like you."

"I haven't changed," Kate said firmly so they would both believe it. "I don't know what thoughts are running through your mind, but they are wrong."

"So you love me?" asked Sawyer kissing her neck.

"I do," said Kate said softly running her fingers through Sawyer's hair. Sawyer took the box with the sleeping puppy inside of it and put it onto the floor.

"I miss you," said Sawyer after removing Kate's shirt, Kate was working on his shirt, slowly unbuttoning each button. She threw it into a heap on the floor and then purred into his ear.

"I haven't gone anywhere," Kate said.

Kate stepped back for a moment to admire his sculpted body: his broad shoulders and chest, his toned abs, and the trail of hair that disappeared past the jeans that hung low off of his narrow hips.

He blushed under her stare, and she smiled and wrapped her arms around his neck, kissing him softly. His large hands slid cautiously down her front and slowly began unbuttoning her shirt. The blouse slid off of her shoulders, and she quickly unbuttoned his jeans, then waited for him to step out of them. She whispered her approval at the sight of him clad only in boxers, and a cocky grin swept over his face as he place his mouth over hers.

She wrapped her arms around his back and pulled him backwards, landing with a thud on their quilt covered bed. Kicking out of her jeans and underwear, she moved to the head of the bed, resting her back against the plush head board, and then motioned for him to join her. He didn't hesitate in moving to her side, and she pulled him over her, she moaned in his ear as he kissed every part of her neck and shoulders he could fine. He let out a strained groan when she gently pulled his boxers down, then tossed them onto the floor. He fumbled with her lacey black bra for a moment, then grinned blissfully once it was gone.

Her long legs wrapped around his waist, and she ran her hands through his wavy hair as he settled himself between her legs and began to slowly kiss the insides of her thighs. Finally he stopped teasing her and trust inside of her, and both of them moaned as he moved inside of her. Kate rocked her hips back and forth against him, Sawyer moaned louder and louder earning for her to move faster. She obliged, riding him so hard it almost hurt her. He placed his hands on her sides and they fell into perfect rhythm. Kate began to mumble as she reached her apex, Sawyer trust in a little deeper as Kate reached her ectasty. He pressed into her until he found his own release.

Sawyer rolled off of her complete exhausted…Kate was laying on her side, Sawyer gently put his arms around her and rolled her over towards him. He put his arms around her, a human cage, and fell asleep..

* * *

"Morning," said Sawyer walking out of their bedroom. Kate was sitting at the small kitchen table already dressed for work. Sawyer was wearing a bathrobe. 

"Hi," said Kate stiffly. Delilah, her puppy, was sitting in the corner of the room eating her own breakfast. "Are you going to be able to stay with her today?"

"Sure," Sawyer answered. He had no doubts about the status of their relationship now. He kissed Kate gently before opening the refrigerator to find his breakfast.

Kate stood up, grabbed her purse, and walked out of the house. She did not know what emotion she was feeling. She had woken up completely naked, Sawyer's arm completely around her. This was not the first time she had woken up to this…but usually she felt unbelievably sexy and completely in love. This morning she felt ashamed and dirty…contaminated. She didn't not understand these new emotions, she was confused and angry, and why was she feeling this when she was sure that she was in love with Sawyer?

To be continued…


	5. Confused

Chapter 5: Confused

Kate was sure that Sawyer was mad at her, two whole weeks and no sex. The man had to be going insane. But Kate couldn't let herself go that far with him. Several times he had tried to turn her on, tried to make her want him. Sometimes it almost worked, and just before Sawyer could remove one article of clothing, she was pulling it back on and sleeping on the couch. Sawyer hadn't said anything about it yet… she was sure that fight would be coming soon. Could it just be that she wanted to wait until their honeymoon so it would be enjoyable? Who really knew? She didn't… she had even gone to the extreme to asking Claire for sex advise, Claire who did not date and who hadn't had sex in over a year, told her that she was getting nervous about the wedding. Kate thought that was a good excuse and when Sawyer asked why he wasn't getting any action that would be what she told him.

"Kate?"

Jack was standing in front of her; he was wearing dark forest green scrubs. Kate noticed how they made Jack's brown eyes look almost hazel. Kate held up a finger, Jack nodded. She was on the phone with a woman who thought it necessary to tell Kate every single one of her symptoms.

"Finally," said Kate as she hung up the phone, "I swear to God Jack, when you meet this woman make sure that you tell her she is not possessed by aliens, because according to her she is."

"I shall," said Jack sitting down on the edge of Kate's desk. He had noticed a change in her. For the first month of their friendship she had worn only t-shirts and jeans. Now she wore Khakis…sometimes dress pants. She was wearing a bit of make-up and it looked like she had begun to style her hair. Of course he had thought that she was beautiful in the plain-Jane look, but this put together professional style was just as beautiful. "I have a question for you."

"And what is that?" asked Kate standing up. She smoothed out the long purple shirt that she had on, a black belt wrapped around her waist, she wore a pair of pin-stripped pants and a pair of zebra print high heals. She had noticed that all the receptionists in the hospital dressed up for work… she decided that she would as well…and honestly she liked it. Of course Sawyer had had something to say about it. He wanted to know who the hell she had become, Hillary Clinton? She had told him to go straight to hell, and for some unknown reason that had turned him on. Kate had wasted no time in turning him right back off.

"Would you like to volunteer with me at the AIDS clinic downtown?" Jack asked while playing with the pens in a coffee mug.

"Why me?" asked Kate looking up at him. "Why I'm not a nurse or a doctor?"

"Because you care more then all of them put together," Jack said simply. He hadn't meant for it to be a compliment, but he saw the way Kate's eyes lit up when he had said it.

"Well how can I refuse," said Kate, "But I don't know what help I can be."

"We are going to be working with children," said Jack, "You can just talk to them…make them feel normal. You'll be good for them. Don't worry, and I'll be there if you need me."

"I just might," Kate said. Damn she was flirting with him again. She shook her head quickly and then coughed. Jack looked at her, eyebrows raised, she pointed over to the head of the floor. Jack quickly stood up and walked away from her.

* * *

"Still no sex?" asked Claire laughing as she and Kate walked up the aisle at the local Wal-Mart. Aaron had run away from them and towards the toy aisle. Claire had taken that opportunity to talk about the inappropriate subjects. 

"Aren't you afraid some mad pedophile is going to come and taken your son?" Kate asked changing the subject.

"No," said Claire pulling her long blonde hair out her face, "Because they would return him with in 24 hours. Once they realized how spoiled he is and what they would have to do to keep him quiet. And don't change the subject."

"Sorry," said Kate as they walked down the bedding aisle. "And yes, still no sex. I just can't bring myself to do that with him. I don't know why, but it doesn't even seem…."

"No need for adjectives," said Claire with a laugh. "I get what you mean. Maybe you should go to a relationship advisor."

"Hell no," said Kate, "That is not really our thing. We'll work through this problem, we always do."

"Yeah," said Claire distantly. "Can I ask you a favor?"

"What?" asked Kate rolling her eyes?

"You know you are my best mate right?" Claire asked.

"Yes, Claire," Kate replied sounding annoyed. "Just spit it out already."

"Sun and I have planned a reunion for all of us and I was wondering if you and Sawyer would come to this one?" Claire said quickly.

"Are you serious?" Kate asked slightly shocked. She thought for a moment, running through every possible excuse not to go , but none of them seemed the least bit believable, "I'll come, but I don't know about Sawyer. That isn't his thing really, and we both know how everyone feels about him. They don't really like him."

"Can you blame them?" Claire asked looking for the honest answer.

"No," Kate replied. "But I will see what I can do."

"Thank you so much," Claire said almost bouncing up and down.

"Claire you are almost thirty and too old to jump around like a teenage girl."

To be continued…


	6. Dining With Strangers

Chapter 6: Dining with Strangers

"This is fucking stupid," Sawyer said angrily as he adjusted the tie under his neck. Kate ignored him and continued to walk up the cobblestone steps to Jin and Sun's Mediterranean style home. There were at least two-dozen cars in front of their house. Kate had to park around the corner. She was wearing a tight black cocktail dress. It hugged her curves and tied behind her neck. She matched it with a pair of black stiletto heels. Kate was so very proud of herself, she had found enough courage within her to put on this dress and not care if other men stared at her. Of course that drove Sawyer mad and twice during the drive to San Diego he rolled down his window and yelled at a man for looking at his fiancée.

"You think everything is stupid these days," Kate replied. "But can you please do this for me? It means a lot to me… we did send invitations to all of these people. I would like one or two of them to attend our wedding."

"Fine," Sawyer spat as Kate knocked on the door.

"Kate!" exclaimed Sun who had opened the door. She looked the same as she had on the island; except her hair was a bit longer and she had gained a bit of weight. She had three children now, Ha Neul who she had had on the island and then Kim and Jin Jr., her two twins she had three years ago. "I am so glad that you came!"

"Thank you for inviting me!" Kate said beaming with happiness. Sun ushered her into the house. She gave Sawyer a quick glance and then nodded courteously. "Are we the last ones here?"

"Yes," Sun said leading them into a large living room. She was right. Everyone was already here. Claire and Aaron were standing by Locke, Sayid, and Hurley. Rose and Bernard were off in the other corner have a conversation with Jin. Everyone else, Kate admitted that she could hardly remember all of their names were mingled amongst each other, new children, spouses, and partners all becoming acquainted with one another. Within the happy atmosphere of the room there seemed to be a mingled sadness. They had lost so many friends over the course of three years, Boone, Shannon, Charlie, Ana-Lucia, Libby, and countless others.

"Kate!" said Sayid with a bright grin and he kissed both of her cheeks, "How have you been?"

"Great," replied Kate. She was looking around the room, she knew that he had been planning on attending; he had told her so the day before at lunch. Kate found him he was standing against the wall just watching the party take place. "And you?"

Sayid told her the same story Jack had a couple weeks before hand. Jack had walked over to them now. Sawyer had not said a single word since entering the house, and no one had spoken to him either.

"Jack," said Kate with a make-believe coldness, "Long time no see."

"You too," said Jack. He had shaken her hand while keeping his distance. "Sawyer."

Sawyer did not reply, his arm moved around Kate's shoulder. Kate shook him off and walked over to Hurley who had a tight bear hug just waiting for her. Sawyer did not where to go, he was cursing Kate over and over again in his mind for making him go to this. He watched her as she fit in perfectly amongst these people and their perfect lives. She fit in with Claire and Sun in their tightly fitted cocktail dresses. Everyone seemed so happy to see her; there were hugs and tears all around her. But did anyone approach him? Did anyone have anything to say to him? No, he was like the plague everyone seemed to be ignoring him. He had been less then decent on the island, he would admit it. He had also taken Kate away from them all, but he did not care what they thought of him? No, because he had Kate and in the end he won.

"Hey Man," said Hurley walking up to Sawyer, "How have you been?"

"Fine," Sawyer said keeping it short and simple.

"I got ya'lls wedding invitation," Hurley said attempting to hold a conversation with this cold and angry man, "Totally going to be there."

"Okay," Sawyer replied.

"Stop being such a dick," Hurley said walking away from him.

Sawyer laughed to himself as Hurley walked away rejoining the crowd that didn't even seem to notice that he was there. Perfect.

* * *

"So," Jack said quietly, "Are we still on for tomorrow?"

"Yes," Kate said looking around to see if anyone else was around. Kate had walked up to the second story in search for the bathroom; she had found it right as Jack was walking out of it. They were now standing towards each other in a dark hallway. "But I don't know the way."

"Well," said Jack with amusement in his voice, "I would offer to pick you up, but I don't think that would fly with Sawyer."

"Yeah," Kate said feeling ashamed of her fiancé, "I saw the way he looked at you, if he knew I was talking to you, let alone being friends with you… I think he might actually kill you."

"Oh that is comforting," Jack said.

"I wouldn't let him kill you," said Kate putting a hand on his arm, "Don't worry. How about I met you at the hospital and you can drive me there and back?"

"Sounds like a plan," said Jack, "Well I better get back downstairs…"

"Don't forget to hate me," Kate said playfully. Jack saluted her and headed down the stairs.

* * *

If the before dinner festivities were uncomfortable for Sawyer, dinner had to be even worse. He looked at if he was dining with a bunch of strangers, not people he had spent three years with on an island. He was barely eating; he was just sitting there, one arm around Kate's chair. Kate on the other hand was scarffing down on every dish she could find. She had had enough of eating out every single night and never having a good home cooked meal. She tried not to look over at Jack, who was sitting between Jin and Sayid, but she found it increasingly hard. She was talking with Claire and Sun, they are both talking about motherhood, and Kate felt a little pain in her heart. She wanted to have a family so desperately, but she knew that marrying Sawyer meant that that dream would go right out the window. It would take time for her to accept that.

_**CLASH**_

"Sorry!" said Hurley. Everyone laughed as Hurley picked up the lid from one of the casserole dishes. Kate lost her focus of not looking over at Jack. Their eyes met from over the table, Kate felt butterflies swarm her stomach, she gave him a little smile… at the same time she felt Sawyer's grip move from her chair to around her shoulders, he was holding her close. There was no way he was going to let go.

To be continued…


	7. Friendly Boundaries

Chapter 7: Friendly Boundaries

"Good morning," Jack said to Kate as she hopped into the front seat of his Trail Blazer.

Kate nodded with a yawn. She had Sawyer had gotten into a fight after getting home from Jin and Sun's. He had accused her of being friendly with Jack. She denied everything, she pleaded her case well, how could she be friendly with someone she smiled at over dinner and did not share more then ten words with all night. In the end Sawyer had given up and slept on the couch.

"Long night?" asked Jack. After he had asked it he realized that kind of answer he could receive. He blushed underneath his baseball cap. "Didn't get much sleep?"

"Fought with Sawyer," Kate clarified, "But then again what else is new these days?"

"Oh," said Jack, "Well I am sure everything will be fine."

"Yeah," Kate said. She leaned back in the seat and peered out of the window. His car smelt good, really good... like Jack, she always noticed how good Jack smelled. It wasn't even the smell of cologne or after-shave. It was indescribable. It was just _good_.

The AIDS clinic was only a half an hour away from Cedar-Sinai; with the morning L.A. traffic it took them almost an hour to get there. They pulled up to a run-down looking community center, there were people walking in and out of the building. Some were doctors, others nurses, and then there were the normal people, like Kate, who were just looking to make a difference.

"Dr. Shephard!" said a tall African-American woman as Jack and Kate walked into the clinic.

Kate could not remember seeing such a chaotic place before in her life. There were several stations against the south wall; each had a curtain pulled around them. There seemed to be crying coming from several of them. Oh the opposite wall were rows of beds, most of them had children in them, their parents sitting next to them. Kate noticed that most of them looked homeless,duffle bags litered the floor around the beds. All of the family's worldy possessions in those bags. The parents kept a close eye on them so no one could take that they had left. That was something they could hold onto, that little inkling of hope. There were also children running around the floor, entertaining themselves with whatever they had. There seemed to be about three doctors, including Jack, making the rounds around the place, doing what they could to comfort these people.

"Sicily," Jack said shaking her hand firmly, "This is Kate; I told her I would be bringing her with."

"Oh yes," said Sicily. She had a thick African accent. "Jack you can go over there, Dr. Chamberlain will give you some instructions, Kate you can come with me."

Kate looked nervously over at Jack. He gave her a reassuring smile and then disappeared from her side. Kate followed Sicily over to small makeshift nursery. There were seven babies, three of whom were sleeping, three were wide awake a cooing, and one was screaming at the top of his lungs.

"Have you ever volunteered at a clinic before?" Sicily asked picking up the screaming baby.

"No," Kate said quietly.

"Okay," Sicily said with a smile, "Then we are glad to have you here. We need all the help we can really. This is Jacob." Sicily had the crying baby against her chest, she rubbed his back, and "There is nothing we can do to help this child Do you want to know why?"

"Yes," Kate said looking at the helpless child.

"Because Jacob was born two days ago," Sicily started, "And his mother was addicted to heroin, and she did heroin during her pregnancy. That means that Jacob here is also addicted… and he is also HIV positive."

"My god," said Kate covering her mouth with her hand.

"Most of the people in here are," Sicily said, "Not just the patients, but the volunteers too. Like me, HIV positive for seven years. But you do what you can and keep on living. The main goal of an HIV positive person is to take his or her meds…be healthy…and avoid getting AIDS at all cost. Because Kate…as long as we stay away from the disease we can have hope."

"I don't know what to say," Kate said feeling as if she was about to burst into tears.

Sicily handed the crying Jacob to Kate; she gave her a quick smile and then disappeared to another part of the clinic. Kate looked around for Jack. She saw him bent over a small girl. She had her hand on his arm, looking up at him as if he was an angel. He was being so gently…he was listening to her heart…he was calm and slow. He moved with care, Kate stood in awe of him.

"My name is Sam," said a small girl in a bed next to where Kate was standing, "That is my little brother."

"Hi Sam," Kate said getting down on her knees. Jacob had begun to fall asleep, his tears had worn out his little body, "I am Kate."

"You are really pretty," Sam said. She lifted her hands and ran them through her own auburn hair.

"You are too Sam," said Kate with a friendly smile. "Do you have any other brothers or sisters?"

"No," said Sam shaking her head, "It's just me and Jacob. I think he likes you, he hadn't stopped crying in forever!"

"I think he was just tired," Kate replied. "He is a good baby."

"I have AIDS," Sam said suddenly taking Kate by surprise. Kate stared into the girl's bright green eyes. She felt her heart break into a thousand little pieces, this girl who could only be ten years old seemed so mature…she should be at school or playing Barbies with her best friend. But instead she was lying on a two-inch mattress, preparing herself to die.

"Are you scared?" Kate asked. Sam looked up at the ceiling and then met Kate's eyes.

"I used to be," said Sam softly, "But then I realized that the same angels that have my Dad will come and get me when my time comes. But I think that I have a few years left in me…if they would just let me get out of this bed and go outside."

"I could ask them," Kate offered. "I know one of the doctors."

"Would you?" asked Sam, "Please oh please, Miss Kate. Could you? I would be real good!"

"I will," Kate, promised, "We will go after lunch."

* * *

"I thought we were going to eat lunch together?" asked Jack walking up behind Kate. Kate was standing on the roof of the building. She was leaning over the edge, her lunch sat next to her completely untouched. 

"I have never seen anything so said in my entire life... I thought being crashed onto an island with a bunch of strangers was scary...but this...my god Jack," Kate said not looking at him, "I don't understand how you can do this once a week. I feel so weak compared to these people. That little girl Sam, she is stronger at the age of 10 then I am now in my thirties."

"You are not weak," said Jack putting an arm around her, "Just in shock, I could tell you that it gets easier to deal with this, but I would be lying. There is a patient of mine back at Sinai and we have tried everything to help her walk again, but nothing seems to be working. It's sad, but you can't let that stop you from moving forward."

"I feel pathetic compared to you Jack," Kate turned around and faced him. She was gazing up at him; she felt as if she was standing with Nelson Mandela, he seemed so strong and powerful.She felt like no one, someone who was standing in the shadow of greatness.

"Stop talking like that," Jack demanded. "I am not stronger then any other man. I can just handle my grief and hide it behind a smile."

Kate closed her eyes and felt tear drops escape from beneath them, running down her freckled cheeks. Jack gently wiped them away. Kate fell forward into his chest...clutching his white jacket...smearing her make-up onto it, she could feel him tense up, he wanted to hug her she could tell, but there was something holding him back.

"You can hug a friend," Kate said opening her eyes. Jack wrapped his arms around Kate's body holding his close to him. Kate wrapped her arms loosely around his muscular body and just let him hold her until all her sadness seemed to disappear.

* * *

"Kate!" called Sam from the swing set, "Come push me!" 

Kate ran over to the little girl in her pajamas and bathrobe. Kate had convinced Jack to let her take Sam out to the playground neck door. He had given them twenty minutes, but that was already an hour ago. He was standing there watching how Kate interacted with the little girl.

Kate was standing behind her, pushing the girl, a bright smile reaching from ear to ear. The wind was blowing her hair all around, she had been cold, all she wore was a t-shirt and a pair of jeans, but she didn't let it show. Sam was laughing loudly as she was pushing higher and higher. She yelled that she wanted an underdog; Kate pushed the girl as high as she could and ran underneath the swing. Sam yelled in happiness as Kate appeared on the other side. Sam was down swinging now; she was ready to move onto the next thing. She led Kate over to the slide. Kate followed the little girls instructions and waited for her at the end of the slide. Sam slide down and into Kate's arms. Jack knew that the little girl had just stolen Kate's heart and he was pretty sure Kate had stolen his.

To be continued…


	8. Weakness

Chapter 8: Weakness

"Roses," Kate sang to herself. She placed a picture of a bouquet of roses into her wedding planning binder. "Pink or White?" She wasn't speaking to Sawyer who sat across from her in a chair. He had been reading, but now was watching Kate. She seemed to be glowing, she seemed so blissful, and he could not remember seeing her like this before.

"What's up with you?" asked Sawyer puzzled by this new Kate. The old Kate had never sung a word in his presence, she had never sang period... all these smiles and laughes were completely foreign.

"What?" asked Kate. She had been shaken out of her dream world. "What are you talking about?"

"You are singing to yourself," Sawyer pointed out, "You seem really happy."

"I am really happy," Kate said with a large smile.

"Why?" asked Sawyer grumpily, "There is nothing to be happy about."

"I don't know why," Kate admitted, "I'm just happy. Very content… there is no reason not to be happy."

"Yeah there is," said Sawyer, "Maybe that our relationship is falling apart."

"Our relationship is just fine," Kate said angered by his comment, "Why would you say that it falling apart?"

"I don't know," Sawyer said sarcastically, "Maybe because we haven't had sex in forever, you are never home, and we hardly speak anymore."

"First of all," Kate said slamming her wedding binder closed, "Sex is not the foundation of a good relationship, second of all I work long hours there is nothing I can do about it, and third we are speaking right now. We could have dinner together every night, but you prefer watching television and eating ramen noodles."

"Nice," said Sawyer rolling his eyes, "Blame this all of me, like you are completely innocent."

"I am the happy one," Kate replied simply.

"Give me your phone," Sawyer said. Kate tossed him her cell phone and marching into the kitchen. There had to be something other then Ramen noodles to eat.

"Kate!" called Sawyer loudly. Kate walked back into the room quickly.

"What?" she asked.

"Why the hell is Jack Shephard's number in your phone?" Sawyer barked.

"Because he gave it to me at Jin and Sun's," Kate said after a moment of silence. She was quickly piecing together a story within her head, "Just in case one of us ending up in the hospital, he said he would get us the best doctors."

"I could get you the best doctors," Sawyer snapped angrily.

"How Sawyer?" Kate asked him, "Are you going to threaten them?"

Kate walked over in and snatched her phone out of his hands. Sawyer glared at her and then disappeared behind his book. Kate was looking down at her phone with it began to ring loudly. It was Jack, he was calling her. He promised that he would never call her; she had given him her number for emergencies only. Kate ran out of the room and into her bedroom and then to the bathroom and closed the door.

"Jack?" she answered the phone.

"Kate?" asked Jack's voice shaking.

"Yeah. What's wrong?"

"Remember that patient I told you about?"

"Yes. Rebecca…the fifteen year old with the back paralysis?"

"Yeah. We lost her Kate."

"Oh Jack."

"On the table…it was a risk…but…I didn't know who else to call."

"Do you want me…"

"Can you come here?"

"Yes. I'll be there are soon as I can."

* * *

Kate had told Sawyer that she had been called into work and did not know when she would be home. At first all these lies had begun to bother her, but now, it seemed so routine… she was used to lying. She felt bad at times, she lied to the man she was going to marry every single day…but he would not understand. She was not involved with Jack, but he was her friend, maybe her best friend, he would never be able to accept that.

Jack was sitting by himself in the emergency staircase, Kate would have never found him, but Mariana had told her exactly where Jack was. She seemed to be aware of the relationship Jack and Kate had, but she wouldn't say anything…then again she was the one who had been with almost half of the staff.

"Jack?" Kate said softly sitting down next to him. Jack had been sitting against the wall; his head bent low, still in his bloody scrubs, his cap in one hand. He did not look up at Kate, he just shook his head. Kate took his hand and took the cap away from him. She placed it on the ground next to her and just waited.

"You should have seen her parent's faces," Jack said. His voice was quivering, "Her mom fell to the ground screaming…her Dad said nothing, which was worse. They were against this, but she had begged and begged them because I told her that there was a good chance that this would work."

"Jack you did your best," Kate said delicately, she was holding his hand, "They know that, everyone knows that you only do your best."

"I never wanted to be a doctor," Jack said looking up at her with his bloodshot eyes. "Did I ever tell you that?" Kate shook her head, "Yeah… I wanted to be a teacher, but my father insisted that I become a doctor like every other man in my family. I protested it until I did my first surgery, it was successful and I knew that this was what I was meant to do… help people."

"You can't help everyone no matter how badly you want too," said Kate, "Sometimes people are meant to go… God was just ready for her to come home, babe, there was nothing you could do."

"What did you want to be when you were little?" asked Jack taking his other hand putting it over her's.

"A Mom," said Kate sadly, "And a ballerina, and then a teacher, and then a vet, and now I want to be a nurse. I was a very complicated child."

Jack laughed and the rubbed his head with his hand, almost to relieve all the stress that had happened in the last two hours. He let out a few deep breaths and then looked over at Kate and held her gaze.

"Thanks for coming," he said.

"What are friends for?" Kate asked, "They are there for you when you are strong and they're for you when you are weak."

To be continued…


	9. Caught

Chapter 9: Caught

Claire walked quickly down the hallway; her three-inch heals clicking loudly on the tile floor. She moved swiftly, she only had an hour until Kate was supposed to show up to work… she had to talk to Jack before then.

"I need to speak to Jack Shephard," Claire told the receptionist. The woman looked up at Claire, she had to be at her own job in thirty minutes, "Can you tell him it is an emergency?"

"Yes Ma'am," said the receptionist. She picked up the telephone receiver and made an announcement over the P.A. system. Moments later Jack appeared in the hallway, today in a pair of deep red scrubs, his jacket fluttered behind him as he walked, if Claire had not known him, he would have been intimidating.

"Claire!" Jack said in surprise, "Wait can I help you with?"

"I need to talk to you," Claire spoke rather quickly, "Is there somewhere we can go?"

"Sure," said Jack leading her towards an empty room. Claire placed her purse down on the vacant bed and waited for Jack. He walked in a closed the door; he put his hands in his pockets and waited for Claire to start.

"I need you to stay away from Kate," Claire said firmly.

"I beg your pardon?" Jack replied icily.

"You need to understand the fact that she is an engaged woman," Claire said pacing in front of him as if he was one of her fourth grade students, "She and Sawyer have worked hard to get to this point in their relationship and you seem to be having an effect on it."

"Kate and I are friends," Jack clarified keeping his tone strictly professional, "Nothing more, I can assure you that. If there is something wrong with Kate and Sawyer's relationship it has nothing to do with me."

"I would not be to sure of that," Claire said simply, "I don't want to beg Jack, but this is serious. Kate has put so much time and energy into planning this wedding. It took her two years to get Sawyer to propose… I don't want to see all of her hard work and energy fly out of the door."

"Neither do I," said Jack, "So I don't understand why you are here, we have a strictly professional relationship… I don't think she would appreciate you coming here Claire."

"Kate is my best mate," Claire snapped harshly, "I am only doing what I think is best for her and what she wants."

"Exactly," said Jack, "She is your best friend so why don't you ask her what she really wants and then come back and yell at me. I have to get back to work now… goodbye."

Jack walked over and held the door open for Claire. Apparently this wasn't the reaction she had wanted from Jack. She snatched her purse from the bed and marched out of the room, her head held high in the air. Jack swore to himself as he walked out of the room. Who the hell did Claire think she was? She didn't understand the fact that he and Kate were just friends. He now understood why Kate was keeping it a secret from everyone, because people would overact. Maybe in the year 2012 you couldn't have male friends you weren't sexually involved with.

"Hey," Kate said walking up behind him. Jack turned around, she looked stunning, her hair was pulled back into a ponytail at the nape of her neck. She wore a black shirt with a v-neckline, matched with a pair of black and pink plaid shorts that cut off at the knee. She paired them with a pair of black ballet flats. "Are you okay?"

"Well Claire was just here," Jack said walking with her towards her desk, "She had some interesting words for me."

"Are you serious?" asked Kate annunciating each of her words callously, "Are you fucking serious?"

Jack took her hand and pulled her into an empty hallway. Kate leaned up against the cold brick wall and sighed deeply. She never thought Claire would overstep her boundary like this, she had trusted Claire with the truth about her and Jack's relationship. She had told her the whole truth, not a single lie. They were friends, best friends. How much more did she have to stress that?

"She told me to stay away from you," Jack informed her, "Said that I was affecting the relationship between you and Sawy—"

"That is retarded," Kate spat angrily, "Where is she getting this information from? I told her that we were having some problems, but seriously now… What are you going to do?"

"Well I was going to let you know that I can't be your friend anymore and ask you to stay away from me," Jack said with a nonchalant shrug. He looked at Kate, she looked as if someone had died, her face was pale and she seemed on the verge of tears, "Babe, I'm just joking." Jack wrapped her up in a tight hug, "I was only joking. I'm sorry."

Kate punched him hard in the stomach. Jack let go of her immediately and backed away.

"Damn it Jack!" she said angrily, "Don't do that to me! Jack?"

Jack was walking away from her a pained expression on his face.

"Oh Jack," Kate said following after him, "Jack, I'm so sorry… Jack?"

"Haha," Jack said standing straight up a bright smile on his face, "Got ya again."

"Oh," Kate said maliciously, "I am going to get you back, just you wait. Oh when you least expect it, I will get you back. You are such a horrible person."

"You don't mean that," laughed Jack walking with her back towards the main hallway.

"Of course I don't," said Kate with a laugh. But the smile vanished from her face in an instant. Sitting on the edge of her desk, an angry scowl on his face was Sawyer. He looked at Jack, his eyes narrowed in extreme hatred; Jack almost felt the urge to wrap a protective arm around Kate.

Sawyer stood up and walked over to them. He reached Jack and shoved him back with extreme force, Jack stumbled back, almost falling over, he got his balance and stood up just in time to dodge a punch from Sawyer. Kate was screaming at Sawyer, trying to put herself between the two men. Jack was not retaliating at all; he stood there… dodging every blow and shove. Sawyer looked insane, almost rabid.

"Stay the fuck away from her!" he yelled into Jack's face, "Who the hell do you think you are? Stupid bastard, don't think I don't know what you are trying to do… did I catch you two in the middle of your affair?"

"Sawyer!" screamed Kate shoving him up against the wall with all the strength she could muster. Sawyer starred at her in complete and utter shock. Kate shot Jack a look that said all of her apologies and also told him to get the hell away from them. "What the hell is your problem?" She grabbed Sawyer by the collar of his shirt and dragged him into the elevator. She didn't speak to him until they were out of the hospital and into the parking lot. "What the hell was that Sawyer?"

"What? Did you expect not to react when I find my fiancée having an affair?" Sawyer yelled.

"Don't yell at me," Kate said firmly, "And I am not having an affair."

"Like hell you aren't," said Sawyer rolling his eyes, "I saw the look he gave you at dinner last month, Kate, and I saw the smile on your face when you came around the corner with him."

"We are friends, Sawyer," Kate said, "That is it, he was just telling me about Claire coming into the hospital to talk to him. We eat lunch together sometimes, that is it. Jesus, can I not have friends now either?"

"We both know how he feels about you!" Sawyer said raising his voice again.

"He is my friend," said Kate, "Nothing more, he knows that I am engaged to you… he hasn't tried anything and he won't because that is the kind of man he is. He won't push his limits okay?"

"I don't want you talking to him," Sawyer demanded.

"You're my fiancé not my Dad," Kate said coldly, "Are you not going to let me have friends now either? I thought keeping me away from society on the island would be enough for you; you don't have to shelter me. No one is going to steal me away, Jesus Christ."

"You can have friends, not just him," clarified Sawyer.

"Jack is my friend," Kate said determinedly, "If you can't trust me to have friends, how can you trust me enough to marry me?"

"This is different," Sawyer explained, "And you know that, if it was Sayid or Hurley…just not Jack."

"Grow up," said Kate softly, "You need to accept the fact that things change when you don't live on an island anymore. I am going to back to school."

"What?" Sawyer asked in shock, "Why?"

"Because I want too," replied Kate plainly, "Because I want to be a nurse. Can you handle that?"

"Why are you changing?" Sawyer asked after a moment of thought.

"I'm not changing," Kate said shaking her head, "You've just been too blind to see the real me."

To be continued…


	10. Lack of Changes

Chapter 10: Lack of Changes

"It went that badly?" Jack inquired. He felt bad for causing even more problems between Kate and Sawyer, but another part of him wanted to laugh at Sawyer.

"It was pretty bad," Kate said with a small laugh, "He wouldn't talk to me all night. But at least he slept on the couch this time, that thing is not to comfortable at all."

"I'm sorry," Jack, said softly, "Maybe Claire was right, maybe I am complicating things."

"Don't be silly," Kate said firmly, "Just because Sawyer can't handle the fact that were friends, doesn't mean we have to suffer. Plus Claire called me and apologized for doing it, she said she had a temporary lapse of judgment."

"Really?" asked Jack. He was not sure what he thought of Claire's apologize, sounded to him like she had a lot of guilt about doing what she did, Jack couldn't blame her, she had made things between Kate and Sawyer far more worse then he did.

"Yes," answered Kate bending down so she could rearrange Delilah's leash.

She and Jack continued to walk through the park, if anyone stared and watched them, they would think that they were a happily married couple. The way they looked at each other when the other looked away… there was a light around them. They seemed to be the two happiest people on earth, they were in their own little world and nothing could destroy it.

"But I think she was just feeling guilty," Kate said almost reading Jack's thoughts, "But I accepted it, she is kind of my Maid of Honor."

"Why kind of?" he asked as Delilah attempted to bit the cuff of his blue jeans and hold on for dear life.

"Well," Kate's face was turning a light shade of pink, "Because Sawyer doesn't have a best man or a groomsmen at all for that matter, I don't get to have any bridesmaids. I really don't expect too many people to show up to the wedding actually. Neither of us have a family and only I have friends."

"I wouldn't worry about it," Jack said uncomfortably, "It doesn't really matter how many people show up or who is in the wedding. The only thing that matters is that both of you are there, I suppose."

"You always make everything better Jack," Kate said happily beaming up at him, "What would I do without you?"

"Oh I don't know, probably die," said Jack with a small laugh. He looked up at the sky just in time for one huge crash of thunder, that sent Delilah into a barking fit, the rain came immediately afterwards, huge dime sized drops fell from the sky, instantly soaking anyone. Jack grabbed Kate's hand and started to pull her towards the houses nearby, "I live right over there, let's get out of the ran."

* * *

Kate put Delilah down on the terra-cota tile that covered the entry of Jack's Spanish style home. Once inside Kate could see that it wasn't huge, but a lot bigger then the apartment she shared with Sawyer. Off the main living room, kitchen, and dining room were three small hallways. Jack informed her that each of them led off to the three separate wings for each of the men. 

"Are they home?" asked Kate as Jack handed her a towel. He stood there and watched as she bent down and dried off her puppy and then herself, "I haven't seen them since Jin and Sun's dinner."

"Hurley should be home within the hour," Jack said checking the time on the microwave, "Please make yourself at home."

Kate took a seat at the island that was in the middle of the kitchen. Everything in the house stayed in touch with its Spanish roots. Kate rested her hands on the granite counter top as she watched Delilah explore the new surroundings. Finally the puppy curled up on the living room rug and fell asleep.

"She must like it here," Kate said, "She is very particular on where she sleeps."

"Well I am glad she is comfortable," said Jack placing a mug of hot chocolate in front of Kate. Kate spoke a soft thank you and took a drink. "Can I get you anything to eat?"

Kate shook her head, "No. I'm okay."

"Are you sure?" asked Jack, "I swear I am not that bad of a cook…I won't make you meatloaf, I think we both had enough of that when you brought it for lunch."

"Yeah," Kate laughed, "That was a bit of a disaster."

"So what do you want?" asked Jack opening the pantry doors.

"Anything you feel like making," said Kate, "It doesn't matter to me, I am a sucker for anything home cooked and hot."

"Okay…"

"Spongebob Mac and cheese," Kate said laughing. "I love it."

"Not up to my usual standards," Jack said sitting down next to her, "But it's hot and cheesy."

"Perfect," Kate said eating a big spoonful. On any other occasion, this would be absolutely disgusting, but right now it was perfect. Kate remembered the girls she went to high school with, they were afraid to eat in front of a guy. What if he thought she was a pig? What if he thought her eating skills made her prissy? Kate laughed in the thought of them. If Jack wanted to study the way she was eating this macaroni and cheese, he would think she was disgusting. "God I was hungry."

"I can tell," Jack said clearing away their empty bowls, "You know what I like about you?"

"What?" asked Kate perplexed.

"You are the same person you were on the island," Jack said standing in front of her. "Unlike some of the other people… some of the them have changed. Maybe they returned to their old selves, but it is kind of sad. Some people I barely recognize, like Claire…"

"Like Sawyer," Kate said sadly. "But you haven't changed that much either…"

"That much?" asked Jack softly.

"I like you more now," Kate said delicately. She stood up, she was so close to Jack now; she was getting lost in his presence. She looked up at him, their eyes locked, before she knew what she was doing, her hand was on the side of his face, she was holding him there in front of her, "Jack…"

Her word was ending by the sudden kiss. He was not forcing his lips onto hers, he was gently and loving. He waited for her to kiss him back. Kate kissed him back almost immediately, it seemed like she had been waiting her whole life for this kiss. The kitchen disappeared from around them, it was only she and Jack, he kissed her again and again, she accepted them; he was gently holding the sides of her neck now. Everything was a blur; they seemed to be spinning in their own universe. But as quickly as it happened, it was over. She had pulled away from him. Not to far away, just their lips parted. They were still holding each other, eyes still closed.

"I should go," Kate said softly.

"That's a good idea," Jack said honestly. With all of his heart and soul he did not want her to leave, but his head new that she had too.

* * *

"What do you think of this?" asked Kate as she searched through the racks and racks of wedding dresses. She was now holding out a floor length strapless gown. It was simple, off-white, and with no other embellishments. 

"Don't you want something fancier?" asked Claire, "Like a Cinderella dress? This is your wedding day after all!"

"I don't feel much like a Cinderella," Kate admitted. She could now say with complete honesty that she was no longer the same person. The kisses that she had shared with Jack had turned her world upside down. She felt confused and ashamed. She didn't tell Claire about the encounter… she tried not to think about it, but if she didn't, she would dream about it. She didn't know which was worse, "I think something simple would be best."

"But how about a little beading," said Claire, "Just something to make it a little extra special? If you wear that one you might as well be going to your prom."

"If it wasn't for you I might end up going in some sweatpants and a t-shirt," said Kate with the slightest hint of a laugh, the first laugh since that day at Jack's. "How about this?"

"Go," said Claire pointing to the dressing room.

Kate walked out of it a minute later; Claire was nodding with approval as she circled around Kate. Kate stared at herself in the mirror; it did not look like her. That could not be her reflection staring back at her. The dress was strapless and fell to the floor and three feet behind her. It had beading across the top and around the bottom of the dress. It hugged Kate perfectly, accentuating her curves. Claire seemed to conjure a veil out of thin air. She took a hair tie and pulled Kate's hair back into a bun and then clips on the back length veil.

"I guess this is it," Kate said in a monotone voice, "This is my wedding dress."

To be continued…


	11. Dream Weaver

Chapter 11: Dream Weaver

Kate ran towards the elevator, ignoring Jack had never been so hard. It didn't help that they worked on the same floor; in the same department… they saw each other almost every fifteen minutes. Kate tried to keep herself focused on other tasks; she tried with all her strength not to look up when she knew that Jack was looking at her. It was easier said than done, she had promised herself that she would no longer speak to Jack, that they would no longer be friends, but her heart disagreed with everything her head said.

"Stop!" said Kate running to the elevator someone held it open for her, by the time the doors closed she turned to see that it was Jack…. And they were alone.

"Hi," Jack said attempting to be friendly. Did she honestly think that she was the only one having problems staying away? He thought about her every single moment of everyday. He was struggling at work because he concentrated merely on her; nothing else seemed to matter.

"Hi," said Kate coldly. It broke her heart to sound so mean to this man. He made her come alive again; she was becoming the person she wanted to be. She had enrolled in school; starting caring about herself, she was volunteering with him every single week… together they were making a difference. It was all because he was there encouraging her.

"Kate?" Jack said desperately, "Can we talk?"

"I don't think that would be such a great idea," Kate admitted with bitter honesty.

**SLAM**

Kate was thrown forward and into Jack's arms. The elevator had stopped dead; the lights began to blink overhead. Kate back away from Jack and over to the phone. She picked it up and called down to the main desk.

"Hey Mariana, it's Kate. Doctor Shephard and I are stuck in one of the south elevators." She paused. "Okay thanks."

"She said that the fire department has already been called and just to sit tight," Kate said taking a seat against the walls. Jack sat down across from her and looked at her sadly, "Can't you understand why I have been ignoring you, Jack?"

"Yes," said Jack, "I'm sorry I kissed you, I am Kate, I don't want to ruin our friendship. I take full blame for everything."

"Please," Kate said softly, "I wanted it too."

Jack lifted his head up and looked at her… he could tell that she was not lying to him. She had wanted to kiss him just as much as he wanted to kiss her. But he could not let it happen again. She was engaged she was going to be married in a little over a month.

"But we can't," Jack said shaking his head.

"Of course not," Kate said firmly, "I am getting married, but I do want to be your friend Jack. You have been my best friend these last two months, you have meant everything to me…"

"Friends," Jack said nodding his head, "I can be friends."

"Good," said Kate smiling. She stood up and walked over to him. No matter how hard she found it, she would try and forget about the moment they had shared together. "So… how long do you think we are going to be stuck in here?"

"Hopefully not to long," said Jack checking his watch, "I told everyone that I would be right back…they are going to be wondering where the hell I went."

"And me… I was supposed to go to floor eight and talk to the receptionist up there," Kate said twiddling her thumbs, "But I---"

Kate yawn deeply and then rubbed her eyes, make-up washed off onto her hand. Kate shook her head and then yawned again.

"Didn't get much sleep?" Jack asked her curiously.

"No," Kate said, "New allergy medicine, makes me so…drow-----sy."

"If you want to close your eyes and rest I'll wake you up if something excited happens," Jack offered her.

"Yes," said Kate leaning her head back against the wall, she closed her eyes and instantly fell into a deep slumber.

_Kate was walking down the middle of the beach, she was wearing her purple tank top and a pair of blue jeans… she was barefoot. The air smelled salty; the water next to her was deafening, waves were crashing right on top of each other, no still water could be seen. _

_No one else was around her, she heard no human sounds, it was only she and nature. She stopped walking and looked to the trees. They seemed to call her towards them; she was walking among them now. The high canopies shielded her from the blistering sun. Crunch Crunch Crunch, she walked over twigs and grass. She had no destination, but suddenly she heard a loud sound, it was indescribable, it seemed like the growl of a large prehistoric animal. It was coming closer, trees were crashing down all around her, it seemed to be right on top of her, it was about to devour her, take over, but something came running out from the trees. It was shielding her from the creature, taking the things blows. She could hear the man grunting as he was hit repeatedly. As soon as the creature had appeared he was gone again, Kate was laying on the ground, the man next to her…he was breathing slow breaths, blood was everywhere, all over her…all of over Jack. _

_Kate sat bolt up right and went to Jack's side. It seemed that his entire chest had been ripped open; she felt the urge to vomit as she looked at his chest. Blood was spewing from the wound onto the ground, Kate was kneeling in it; it soaked through her clothes. _

_"Jack!" she screamed as their eyes met. He was looking directly at her, his lips moved but nothing was spoken. Kate screamed again and again. Jack's eyes glossed over as he died. "No!"_

_Kate forgot about the disgusting state of his body, she had thrown herself on top of him. She hugged him tightly, never wanting to let him go. She sobbed harder then she could ever remember. She was praying to god to come and take her away as well. She only wanted to be with Jack, in life or in death. _

"Kate!"

_She could hear his voice; he was still with her. Kate shook Jack's corpse again. She begged him to come back to her. She told him that she could not live without him. But Jack did not move. Something was shaking her; something was making her let go of him. _

"Kate!" Jack said loudly shaking Kate's sleeping body. Kate's eyes opened and she looked around crazily. She looked back at him and then sighed a deep breath of relief, "You had to be dreaming something crazy... you were trashing around like mad."

"You could say that," Kate said wiping her sweaty brow. She blinked several times reassuring herself that she was back in reality. The dream had felt so real; the emotions she had felt were so genuine. Kate grabbed Jack's hand; he did not pull away from her. She had to stay right next to him. Her heart was pounding, because minutes ago it had been broken. Broken into millions of pieces… she had to make sure that he wasn't going anywhere. She was scared, afraid that he was going to leave, but then she realized something else, she loved waking up and finding him there next to her.

"Babe are you okay?" Jack asked gently. The elevator had begun to move, Jack stood up and helped to her feet, "Kate?"

"Yeah," Kate said nodding profusely, "I'm okay…"

To be continued…


	12. So In Love With You

**A/N: I don't want to beg for reviews, but I would really appreciate some so I can know how I am doing. It's great motivation. Thanks**

Chapter 12: So in love with you

Kate sat all the way at the end of the couch… this was the first time in almost two months that she and Sawyer were spending quality time together. They had made dinner together, had a decent conversation and were now watching 'Saving Private Ryan', Sawyer's favorite movie. Kate was not watching the movie at all; she wouldn't know what was going on if you asked her. But Sawyer was to indulged in the movie to notice; he starred at the screen while feeding himself popcorn. He paid no attention to the woman at the end of the couch, the woman with a million thoughts running through her head… none of which were about him.

Kate looked at the kitchen, she though to Jack. She thought about the time that he made her Spongebob macaroni and cheese… the dinner that followed up with the most romantic and perfect kiss she had ever shared. She looked at the kitchen and thought about lunch… all the lunches she and Jack had eaten together. Over these lunches they had told each other everything, there was no secret that the other did not know. She knew felt embarrassed when she told him about her past. He did not judge her or the fact that she had done time in jail, he accepted the woman she was and loved her.

Loved her? Had she really thought that. Did she really think that Jack Shephard loved her? She knew he loved her. The way he looked at her, the way his face lit up every time their eyes met. She felt the love that night when they kissed. It seemed too fanatical. How could a man like that, a professional, successful man, love a woman like her?

But she loved him back. She loved him with all her heart.

Kate sat up a little straighter; the sunlight coming in from the window had seemed to intensify…everything seemed more beautiful. She did not even noticed Sawyer sitting next to her. Why? Because she was in love, she wasn't in love with Sawyer. It had taken her all these years to realize this. She had loved him in the beginning, because he was willing to show her the emotion she had been deprived of for so many years…but coming back to the States… trying to start a real life had torn them apart. She loved Sawyer as a dear friend, but she was in love with Jack. She had been in love with since the minute she saw him in the jungle. The moment they sat around the bon fire and he explained to her his theory of what had happened during the flight.

When he had walked back into her world, she feared the emotions that might come to her. She fought them off, defending everything she had with Sawyer. She had worked so hard to keep their passion alive, to get him to propose, but with Jack, there was no work, everything happened naturally. It was as if fate had destined them to be together.

"Sawyer?" Kate asked loudly over the movie's volume. "I am going to go out for a couple minutes okay?"

"Sure," Sawyer said not even looking at her, "Why you are out can you pick me up some beer?"

"Yeah," Kate said already halfway out of the door. She was running down the hallway, she was too impatient for the elevator, she ran down the four flights of stairs, outside, and into her car. She pulled out and headed north and towards Jack.

* * *

"Kate?" Jack asked with surprise as he opened the door. He was wearing a black t-shirt over a pair of red flannel pants. He was wearing a pair of glasses, medical charts in his right hand, "Is everything okay?" 

"No," Kate said as Jack moved from the door letting her come in. She looked around, Jack seemed to be the only one home, she knew this of course; Thursday was his day off. "Yes… I don't know."

"Sit down," Jack offered pointing to one of the leather couches in the living room.

"I can't," Kate said nervously, "Jack… there is something I need to tell you…"

"O-Kay," Jack said slowly. "Are you sure you are okay?"

"I went with Sawyer because I thought that I wasn't good enough for you," Kate admitted quickly. Jack did not reply, he put the charts onto the counter top and then removed his glasses, "I thought that someone like you would never want to be with someone like me."

"That couldn't be further from the truth, babe," Jack said. "I liked you before I knew anything about your past… and when I did find out… I was shocked, but I never judged you, baby. I am sorry that you felt that I did."

"I know you didn't," Kate said her hands moving nervously, "It was in my head, it was a reason not to get close to you… I was so wrong Jack. And I realize that now more then ever… these last months, I…."

Kate's voice trailed off, she feared the words she had almost let slip out of her mouth, she covered her face with her hands, she wanted to hide her embarrassment and fear from Jack. Jack stepped forward and took each of her hands in his. He lowered them and gazed into her hazel eyes.

"I love you Jack," Kate said delicately, "I am so in love with you."

Jack did not wait for a reply, he was kissing her they were pressed up against the counter top. Kate was holding on to, not willing to let him go.

"Kate," Jack said slowly pulling away from her, "I don't... want to stop."

"Make love to me Jack," Kate whispered as Jack kissed her neck. Jack stood up straight and took her hand in his. He led her to his bedroom, locking the door behind them .

Her soft lips met his and they moved closer still and opening their mouths they started massaging each other's tongues. Jack laid Kate down on her bed and their kissing became more and more passionate. Kate broke away from Jack's mouth as his kisses traveled down her neck she began to murmur with pleasure. Her hands moved around to his back and started pulling his black t-shirt over his head. Jack pulled away to let her take his shirt off and looked down to see her own shirt riding up her stomach a little. Slowly Jack moved his fingers up Kate's perfectly flat stomach, reaching for the hem of her shirt. He was surprised when she started pulling her shirt up over her chest and threw it to off to the side.

She was beautiful he thought to himself. Her pale freckled skin, her breasts slightly pushed together in her black lace bra. Jack lowered himself back down onto her and felt her skin against his as if for the first time. But it was the first time; they had never had this kind of contact. They began kissing again, harder, deeper than before. Jack gently pulled her up towards him and moved her bra in one quick motion. Kate gave a deep moaning exhale into Jack's mouth as they kissed deeper and deeper. His hand moving across her soft white skin; he gently cupped her breast.

She moved her hands along the inside of the elastic waistband of Jack's pants feeling the bare skin of his hips. Kate pushed herself against Jack's harden manhood causing his to moan loudly in her ear. Kate pulled down Jack's pants and boxers down exposing himself to her fully. Sliding down her body he kicked off the rest of his clothes his face tracing the contours of her chest and stomach. Kate squirmed as Jack's hot breath and lips tickled her body.

Grabbing both sides of the underwear that matched her bra, in his fists, he slowly slid them down her thighs as Kate lifted her hips in order to help his effort. She looked into his deep hazel eyes and he back at her, they both accepting that the moment was finally upon them. With one quick thrust Jack was inside her, Kate closed her legs tighter taking it all in. Both of them sweating and holding each other.

Kate held onto Jack's shoulders as he thrust slower but harder, and deeper, each pulse forcing moans of euphoria out of her. As they both neared the climax of their love making, Kate whimpered a little and then they both groaned with pleasure holding on to that last moment as the eruption of euphoria washed over them.

They broke apart, lying next to each other breathing deeply. Kate crawled underneath the blankets underneath them and Jack followed. She laid her head on his chest and remained silent as his breathing pace returned to normal. His arm wrapped around her and his kissed the top of her head.

"I love you," he spoke into the darkness. Kate's heart filled with excitement and bliss. "I always have."

"I know," Kate admitted, "I have always known."

* * *

Kate batted open her eyes, she was not lying in her queen sized bed. She was in a much smaller bed; she was not underneath the itchy quilt, but a soft fleece blanket. It was not Sawyer's body she was resting her head on. All the emotions she had felt were wearing off, she know longer felt absolutely elated, she felt panicked, she had to get out the house. She had to leave Jack, it broke her heart… the thought of not eating breakfast with him after making love to him, but she had to get out of here.

Kate had managed to become fully clothed and sneak out of the room without Jack waking up. Her biggest fear was that either Hurley or Sayid would be in the kitchen, that they would see her in this state, clothes wrinkled and her hair a complete mess.

No one seemed to be home, she walked across the room as fast as she could without making much noise. She found her shoes where she had left them. She slipped them on and walked out of the door. She ran to her car and got into the front seat. She leaned back in the seat. She wanted to go back inside, she never wanted to leave him, she did not want to go back to Sawyer and the life she had with him. Everything had felt so right the night before, but now… she felt like a whore…she felt horrible for betraying her Sawyer, but, there was another part of her that was breaking into little pieces because she knew what she wanted... she wanted Jack.

Kate sat up and rested her chin on the steering wheel. She wanted to go back… she wanted to go back, but she couldn't. Nothing could be the same now… they could not be friends. There was no way they could be friends. Kate closed her eyes as the tears began to fall, she sobbed as hard as she had in her dream, because it almost felt as if Jack was dead... she felt that alone.

To be continued…


	13. Choosing the Wrong

Chapter 13: Choosing the Wrong

The wind was thrashing against her face... she was sitting alone on a rock on the edge of the ocean. Clouds were covering every inch of the sky, they were dark and aluring. She was sitting there in a beautiful sun dress, it was white with yellow flowers over it, a yellow satin ribbon wrapped around her thin waist. She had bought this dress to impress Jack, days ago she would have denied it, but now there was no way she could deny the feelings she had. She wanted to wear it for Jack, he was the only person that ever told her that she was beautiful... showed her that he cared. Why was she wearing it now? She barely remembered putting it on, maybe she wanted to pretend she still had her best friend.

She had gone home the next morning before Sawyer had woken up, she snuck into bed with him trying to cover up what she had done. He had tried to wrap an arm around her, Kate had freaked out. She jumped out of the bed and slept on the couch. She cried her eyes out wishing she was next to Jack.

Jack... how did he react when he woke up and she was gone? Would he figure that it was just a dream? Had she left her scent on his pillow? She would never know, she had quit her job. Mariana was pissed at her, Kate had called in the next morning and informed the woman that she would not be returning to work. Would Jack have noticed? Would he have even looked for her in the morning? What would he have said?

Kate pulled her knees to her chest and rested her head on them. She turned her head to the side and gazed out in the ocean. She felt like the worst person in the entire world. She had betrayed someone beyond belief; Sawyer had no idea what had happened. Claire had covered up for Kate, she told Sawyer that Kate had spent the night there while they finished up the wedding plans. He would not marry her if he knew what she had done, what man would? She wanted to regret what she had done, but she couldn't. That night with Jack had felt so right, almost like it was her destiny. If it was her destiny then why were there so many things standing in the way... She loved Jack so much that it felt like her heart was going to explode right out of her chest. What was holding her back? What was stopping her from standing up, getting into her car, and going to Jack... She could admit everything... all the feelings she had, not just the love she had for him. Maybe it was her prejudice, maybe the secret thoughts that said she and Jack could never work out because their pasts were so different. He had told her otherwise, that he had never judged her... and Kate knew that was the absolute truth. She just needed to create another excuse to stay away.

She wished she had someone to talk to, someone who could put everything aside in their life and just talk to her. She had Claire, but Claire had a job and a son. Her life was busy and complicated and the time she did get to spend with Kate was planned days ahead. She had no other friends, no one else to go to. Jack was her best friend, he was her everything. She could talk to him for hours and he would just listen and we she was done, then he would give his advice. It was sad to say his advice had kept her with Sawyer, he told her not to give up and work for the things she wanted. It wasn't fair, she needed him now so much, but she couldn't have him.

But there was someone, someone who was her friend and she could talk to, it might not be conventional, but this was Kate...

* * *

"Miss Kate?" Sam asked as Kate sat down next to the little girls bed, "What is wrong?" 

"A lot of things sweetie," Kate replied softly, "But nothing you should worry about. How are you feeling?"

"Better then usual," Sam said with a friendly smile, "But you usually visit me on Thursdays and today is Saturday… are you sure you are okay? You look so sad, you can tell me really, I won't tell anyone."

"I'm in love with someone I can't be with," Kate said looking down at the ground. Kate was wearing her emotions on her sleeve. She had changed out of the dress and now wore a pair of black sweat pants and a large gray shirt. Compared to the Kate that usually visited the AIDS clinic, this woman might as well be a different person.

"That's silly," Sam said sitting up, "Why can't you be with him? Does he love you back?"

"He does," Kate said nodding, "Very much."

"Why can't two people who love each other be together?" Sam said plainly, "I don't understand it."

"Because I am engaged to someone else," Kate explained.

"I see," said the eight-year-old wisely, "Do you love him as much as the other man?"

"No," replied Kate with pure honesty, "Now do you understand why we can't be together, I am supposed to marry someone else, someone who loves me as much as I love Jack. It would not be fair to him, just to walk out on him."

"But if you marry this guy will you be happy?" Sam asked. Kate stared at her and then shrugged. The answer was no, but she did not have the heart to say it. "I say you marry Dr. Jack."

"How did---?" Kate began.

"Anyone can tell by just looking at you two," Sam interrupted. "He loves you as much as Ken loves Barbie…and believe me that is a lot. But you are prettier then Barbie."

"Thanks Sam," Kate said smiling a small little grin, "Now that you have helped me, how can I help you today?"

"I have to ask you a favor," Sam said seriously. "If I die, I want you to take Jacob."

"Sam!" Kate said with shock, "Don't talk like that, you are going to live a long life."

"I have AIDS," Sam clarified, "My life won't be that long, so please just promise me, he would be so happy with you. He likes you a lot."

"I will," Kate said.

"Pinky swears?" Sam asked out stretching her hand.

"I do," said Kate twisting pinkies with the little girl. "I promise you."

"Good," said Sam beaming brightly, "Can I give you some advice?"

"Sure," said Kate with a shrug.

"I think you should go talk to Jack," said Sam, "I think you should tell him everything."

"Everything?" asked Kate. "I couldn't…"

"What do you have to lose?" asked Sam with a mischievous half-smile.

* * *

"_Sawyer!" Kate yelled loudly. Sawyer looked over at her, he was twice the size he was on the island. He hadn't shaved in days and he was wearing the same clothes as the day before. Kate stood in the kitchen her hands on her hip. She had aged so much in the last ten years, her hair was graying and wrinkles had formed around her eyes, "Are you just going to sit there on your ass?"_

_"Isn't this what I do everyday Freckles?" Sawyer asked her with a loud laugh, "This is the life I promise you isn't it?"_

_"You promised me happiness," Kate said icily, "The only person who is happy here, is you."_

_"Well that should make you happy," said Sawyer smiling, "Now can you please order me a pizza?"_

_Kate was running down the hallway, away from her husband and the life he had given her. The walls began to melt away… they were turning into trees; tall trees that hide the sun from view. She glanced behind her as she ran; the large mass of gray smoke was coming closer and closer to her. Kate's arms moved even more quickly at her side, she had to get away from it… it was over her head now, about to swarm her. Jack was not here this time to save her, he had already died to save her once, and maybe she was one of those people who just could not be saved…_

_Kate was walking down the aisle; she wore a simple white gown, no embellishments, not lace or bead, a plain white gown. A bright smile was on her face as she walked towards the preacher and her husband to be. Her friends were all around her; everyone seemed to be just as happy as her. Kate took in a deep breath; her heart was filled with such joy and happiness. This strong emotion she had never felt before. Everything was right…this was almost to good to be her reality. Kate reached the preacher; her spouse's back was to her. She saw Claire standing there in a pastel pink dress. She beamed at Kate and gave her thumbs up. Kate turned back to the love of her life. Her heart got caught in her throat as she looked into Jack's eyes…_

Kate sat bolt up right in bed. She looked to the side and saw Sawyer sound asleep next to her. Kate stretched her arms up in the air, tomorrow was her wedding. Every since her conversation with Sam, time seemed to fly by. Time always seemed to do that, when you are dreading something…the day seems to come up faster.

STOP IT! Kate told herself, she hit herself in the head. She was not dreading tomorrow; this was a day she had been looking forward to for the last eight years. She had to go through with this, she had no other choices.

Apparently the slap had woken up Sawyer. He sat up and looked at her, she gave him a small little smile. Kate turned to her clock; it was almost ten o'clock in the morning. If she hadn't quit her job, she would have been very very late. But she had quit, the Monday after the incident. That is what she called it, the incident. Claire had had her back on this one; she had kind of told Claire what had happened. Claire informed sawyer that Kate had come over to her house and then ended up staying because they were up late finishing up their wedding plans.

"Hey Freckles," Sawyer said kindly. He put a hand on her bare shoulder. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah," said Kate her fingers grasping the edge of her tank top. She could not get the vision of she and Jack being wed out of her mind. It consumed her. "I am fine."

"I can't believe we finally reached it," Sawyer had shaking his head, his blonde hair spun out like an umbrella, "Tomorrow we are going to be married…"

"Unbelievable," Kate said on the verge of tears.

"You're going to be Kate Ford," Sawyer said beaming with happiness. "Doesn't sound bad does it?"

"Not bad," Kate said subconsciously agreeing with him.

"You are going to marry right?" Sawyer said suddenly. The tone of his voice had taken a 180.

Kate turned around and looked at him directly. She looked him right in the eyes.

"Yes Sawyer," Kate said nodding profusely, "Tomorrow I am going to marry you."

To be continued…


	14. All the Happiness

Chapter 14: All the Happiness

Bright pink and purple streamers covered the walls and the ceiling. Claire had gotten a picture of Kate and created the game pin the tiara on the bride. She had invited Sun over and now the two women were sitting across from each other talking about their lives and how unbelievably happy they were. They ignored Kate, the party pooper.

She refused to pin a tiara on top of her head, she did not want to open the gifts from Claire and Sun, because she knew the contain pieces of skimpy barely there lingerie. Kate sat at the edge of the couch, her chin resting in her palm. She felt as if at any moment she could burst into tears, it was less the fifteen hours now… time seemed to be flying by.

"Kate?" asked Claire. She walked over and sat in front of Kate. Kate looked up at Claire, her eyes full of sadness and depression. Claire titled her head to the side and then sighed. She took Kate by the hand and led her to the front door of her house.

"What are you doing?" asked Kate her voice cracking.

"I am telling you to go and do what you need to," Claire said firmly, "I haven't been a very good friend to you lately… and well… I am going to make it up to you, okay? Just go alright we'll be here when you decide to come back. You need to go into tomorrow with no regrets, okay?"

"I'm be right back," Kate said sincerely, "Be right back…maybe"

"I hope not," Claire said giving Kate a one arm hug.

* * *

Kate sprinted up the path to Jack's front door, her heart was pounding so hard that it seemed at any moment it would explode out of her chest and onto the cement below. She reached the front door, for the first time in weeks she cared about how she looked. She ran her fingers through her hair and attempted to smooth the wrinkles out of her shirt. She knocked on the large oak door three times and waited.

Jack opened the door and just stared at her, Kate could not tell if he was angry or pleased to see her. He looked at her for a moment and then spoke.

"What are you doing here?"

"I want to talk to you," Kate was able to spit out. Couldn't he see how desperate she was to talk to him, just to look at him? It had been three weeks, three whole weeks since she had seen him. It was driving her insane, eating her to the core.

"I have nothing to say to you," Jack said despite the urge to wrap his arms around her and kiss all her sorrows away, "Please leave."

"No," Kate said stepping towards him, "Please Jack… please baby…"

"Fine," Jack said his harsh demeanor melting away. She made him weak. "Come in."

Kate walked into the house and noticed there were boxes all over the kitchen. Each of them was labeled with Jack's name and an address in New Mexico. Kate walked over to one and peered inside, the painting that was on his bedroom wall was in there along with several times wrapped in newspaper and bubble wrap.

"You're moving?" Kate asked softly. She turned to Jack who had his arms crossed in front of him. He was blocking her out; he would not let her in again.

"Yes," Jack said icily, "I am leaving tomorrow."

"Tomorrow?" Kate asked her heart breaking into another piece. How could he leave her? She wanted to throw her arms around him and beg him not to go, "Why?"

"Why?" Jack asked with a bitter laugh, "Are you actually asking me that, Kate?"

"Yes," Kate answered, "We are supposed to be friends… you could have told me!"

"Friends!" snapped Jack laughing loudly, "How can we be friends Kate?"

"I have to be friends with you Jack," said Kate weakly. She grabbed a hold of the counter top to stop herself from falling over. "I love you Jack."

"Don't say that," Jack whispered turning his back to her. He began to walk away. He had to get away from Kate…he had to get away now.

"Stop!" Kate yelled angrily. She walked after him and turned him around, she was grasping the front of his shirt in her fists, "Can you look me in the eyes and tell me that you don't love me back? You told me that you did! Was it a lie?"

Jack looked away from her; he would not look at her. If he looked at her he knew that he would confess. Looking into her eyes made him frail… she was the only person who made him feel that way.

"Jack!" Kate was shaking him. Jack turned his head and stared right through her. Kate felt thousands of butterflies come into her stomach. She whispered menacingly to him, "Tell me the truth."

"I love you," Jack admitted escaping her grasp, "I love you more then you can even imagine! Are you happy now? You know the truth. I have loved you since the first moment I saw you on the island, even when you ignored me…despite our distance for five years. I never stopped loving you."

Kate covered her face with her hands and began to sob. Her chest was heaving up and down, she could not breathe and she could feel was all the emotions she had bottled up for so long leave her body. She felt weak, about to crumple to her knees.

"Why are you crying?" Jack asked unable to shield his concern for her. He walked to her and put his hands on her shoulders.

"It's not fair," Kate, said her grief gone, all sadness disappeared, now she was mad. "It's not fair that I can't be with you."

"Be with me?" Jack said taking a step away from her, "Would you come with me? Would you go home, pack up all of your things, and move to Albuquerque with me?"

"Yes," said Kate with no thought, "I would."

"No," Jack said shaking his head, he turned his back on her again, "You wouldn't. There would be one thing stopping you… Sawyer, you may not love him anymore. But you could not hurt him. It's not in your nature, you couldn't leave him, could you Kate?"

"No," Kate said her voice at its normal tone. "I couldn't… but I love you so much it hurts me knowing that…" Her voice faded off. She looked up at the ceiling and then down at the floor, "we are soul mates Jack."

"And sometimes soul mates don't end up together," said Jack. He watched as Kate's heart, already broken, broke again. This was a woman standing in front of him telling him everything he had wanted to hear. He had wanted to hear these words from her for so long… and here he was telling her no. Telling her that they could not be together.

"You are breaking my heart," Kate said a single tear running down her cheek.

"I know," Jack said softly walking towards her. "I'm so sorry." He took her by the hand and led her to the front door. He opened it and walked with her outside. He dropped her hand and looked into her hazel eyes. They were so full of anguish and defeat… he could see her soul shriveling, the glow that came from it defusing.

"Please Jack," Kate begged, "Don't turn me away."

"I love you Kate," Jack said firmly, "I may not like Sawyer, but I respect him. I run want to run away with you and keep you for myself, but I won't because it would not be right. You are engaged to another man. It hurts to turn you away. But you need to marry Sawyer like you promised. I will always love you baby, remember that."

"Jack," replied Kate like a child, she grabbed a hold of his hand. Jack took a step away; he continued to walk until their arms could stretch no farther.

"I wish you happiness," Jack said his voice strong, "I mean it with all my heart Kate, I wish you only the best."

Their hands broke apart; Jack did not look at her. He kept his head down as he walked into the house and closed the door behind him. Kate stood there, paralyzed in shock. She had not expected this to happen… she had hoped and prayed for the exact opposite. She had wished for it so hard that she had begun to expect it. And now… it was over. It was really over.

Kate made the way back to the car; she was able to get inside before she collapsed against the steering wheel, pounding the front of the car with his fists. He made her cry more then Sawyer ever had, Sawyer had never rejected her like Jack had just done. Sawyer wanted to marry her and Sawyer wanted to be with her for the rest of his life. Jack and Sawyer both loved Kate, but Kate only loved one back.

To be continued…


	15. Mending of the Heart

Chapter 15: Mending of the Heart

Claire was humming the Bridal March _again_; Kate was about to strangle her. She had had absolutely no sleep in the last twenty-four hours, she was struggling to keep her eyes open. Her eyelids felt like tiny bricks, heavy…about to fall down and not open to this nightmare was over. Claire was circling around her like a vulture over its prey. She was wearing the Indigo bridesmaid dress Kate had chosen, despite the fact that she was not an official bridesmaid. She would not be standing up in the wedding, but she was fulfilling her duties anyway.

Kate stared at her reflection; she did not look like any bride she had seen before. Most brides would be either spazing out at this moment, utterly nervous…almost panicking. Other brides would be so capricious and excited that they could not sit down or stop speaking. But this bride looked miserable. This bride looked beautiful, the dress fit flawlessly and the veil framed her elegantly and with such grace and beauty. Claire had done her makeup, her eyes looked amazing and her lips were a peach pink. Yet she looked sad, if you ogled into this bride's eyes you would see the pain she hid and the sorrow that filled her heart.

"How many are here?" Kate asked inquisitively once Claire had reentered the room.

"About a hundred," Claire told her with a vivid smile. She had noticed the heartbreaking pain her best friend was in, but she would not talk about it. Kate had arrived back at her house the night before and had gone straight into the guest room. Claire had not gotten any sleep either; Kate's sobs kept her wide awake.

"Wow," Kate said in trepidation. She didn't realize that she had invited that many. "That's good I guess."

"Sawyer is freaking out," Claire told Kate, "He really could use some groomsmen."

The old Kate would have laughed at this. It would be just like Sawyer to crack under pressure. The new Kate found this aggravating and wished to keep all of her thoughts off of Sawyer, but she could not stop the secret wishes:

_Cancel the wedding, come on Sawyer, you can do it. Cancel the wedding, tell me that this is all a huge mistake, and let me go let me leave you. I can't do it… I can't hurt you like that, but you… can hurt me, I promise I will be okay. Please._

"Kate?" Claire asked shaking Kate out of her thoughts, "It's time to go."

"Right," Kate said picking up the bouquet of roses from the chair. As she took a step forward thunder crashed from somewhere in the distance. Kate glanced outside and watched as the world was filled with raindrops, they splashed over everything, including the white limo that was waiting for Mr. and Mrs. Ford.

Claire ambled out of the room as a beam of lightening lit up the weakly lighted church. Kate could hear the mummer of the congregation as the thunder crashed again. Claire gave Kate a tight hug as she disappeared into the side door. Kate figured that because she came back last night that she had finally made up her mind to marry Sawyer. As soon as Claire reached her seat the music would start and she would be on her way down the aisle.

Kate closed her eyes and fought back the tears, the music had started and the doors were now open. Kate opened them and looked into the church. The aisle was a stark white, white rose petals covering every inch of it. The pews were strung together with indigo tool. The front of the church was decorated with dozens of candles. They enhanced the gothic style of the old church, the vaulted ceilings and chandeliers looked dark and foreboding. Everyone was gawking at her…over two hundred eyes rested on her and only her.

Sawyer was standing next to the priest, barely recognizable. His hair was slicked back; he was wearing a jet-black tuxedo with a white shirt and tie. His hands were held behind his back, he was staring at her, a smile she had never seen before was on his face.

_One step at a time… that a girl Kate. Keep walking, do not run. Just keep going. Keep on going; you can make this work. You can… you can be happy with Sawyer. He made you happy for almost eight years… forget about Jack, he is leaving anyway… continue your life._

Sawyer had a hold on her hand; she had made it. She looked around and saw Hurley sitting in the front row a smile on his face; he gave her a thumbs up. Kate looked back at Sawyer. He was smiling too, was she the only one not smiling? Claire had stood up and took away her bouquet, could they all see her heart pounding?

"Dearly beloved," the preacher began at the top of his lungs, "We are gathered here today to join in holy matrimony, Kathryn Elizabeth Austen and James Michael Ford in the eyes of God."

_Remember that dream you had? That dream had felt so good and so right. Jack had been standing there in front of you, you were happy. Remember Jack? Jack… God… he might be gone now, he had fled from the feelings we shared. It hurt so badly and yet, I love him more with everyday that passes._

Her palms were sweating; she was positive that she was shaking. Shaking with fear, nerves, maybe excitement? Every word the preacher was saying sounded like static, she avoided Sawyer's eyes, several times he had told her how beautiful she looked, and she did not answer him. She had nothing to say. She no longer had a voice…

"Repeat after me Kathryn," The Preacher said, "I Kathryn Elizabeth Austen take thee James Michael Ford to be my lawfully wedding husband."

Kate looked up at the preacher, she was lucky that the line had been memorized because she had not been listening; the odd smile on that old man's told her he knew that too. Kate sucked in a deep breath, the deep breath before the plunge. The plunge into the life she had wanted for so long.

"I Kathryn Elizabeth Austen take you Jack…"

Kate slapped her hands over her mouth. Sawyer had dropped her hand. The congregation had erupted in whispers. Kate stared horrified at the preacher; he was looking at his bible, looking for something to say, some bible verse written for an occasion like this. Kate looked at Sawyer; he had no emotion on his face. He turned on his heal and walked away from Kate, he walked towards a door at the back of the church. It slammed closed with a defining sound that could almost be mistaken for more thunder. Kate watched him go with a blank expression. What had she done?

Kate whipped around and looked at Claire, Claire's mouth was hanging open peculiarly. Kate was searching her face for an answer, what did she do now? Claire motioned towards the door Sawyer had vanished into. Kate lifted up her train and ran off the stage and through the door. Leaving behind the hundred people who had come here to see a wedding, but instead they were getting a show.

Sawyer was standing with his back towards her; his tie was lying on the floor in a heap. His jacket was unbuttoned and arms were crossed. He made know movement as she entered the room and closed the door behind her. She wasn't sure if Sawyer was going to yell or cry…

"Sawyer?" she asked softly. She wanted to reach out to him, to comfort him. She had wanted out for so long. Only once had she thought about his feelings… about he must feel about having the woman he loved change so much.

Sawyer turned around and looked at her coldly, his eyes full of impair.

"Sawyer I am sorry," Kate, said honestly. Her voice was weak and child-like, "I don't know why I said that."

"I do," said Sawyer walking towards her. "I knew that you were more then friends with Jack all along. Ever since I saw you two together, look at me Kate and tell me that you two didn't have an affair."

"We didn't," Kate said. She was not counting the night they had spent together, that did not matter; she was in love with Jack long before that had ever happened." No"

"But that did not stop you from saying his name instead of mine," said Sawyer, "I want to ask you to explain but I don't know if I want to hear it."

"I never meant for this to happen," said Kate reaching out to him. Sawyer took a step back; a step out of her reach, "I really didn't, three months ago I had every intention of marrying you."

"And now?" queried Sawyer, "You don't want to marry me now?"

"Please don't make me answer that," Kate said delicately. She did not want to hurt him any more then she had. She felt as if with every word she spoke she was taking a dagger and piercing his heart.

"Do you want to marry me?" asked Sawyer.

Kate sat down in the nearest chair; she gripped the arms so tight her knuckles turned white. She bit her lip and shook her head.

"No," Kate said her voice cracking, "I am so sorry Sawyer."

"Do you love him?" Sawyer asked. He did not sound angry; Kate did not know what emotion his voice held, but it was none that she recognized.

"Sawyer…please," Kate begged, "I don't want to hurt you."

"You already have," Sawyer responded bitterly, "The least you can do is answer a few questions, I think I have fucking earned that."

"Okay," Kate said agreeing with him. "I love him."

"More then me?" asked Sawyer.

Kate let out a quivering breath, "Yes."

"And you want to be with him?" interrogated Sawyer.

"Yes," Kate said drawing in quick breaths; she was trying to stop herself from crying. She could feel the hold Sawyer had on her beginning to fade, but at the same time she saw the heart ache she felt leave her body and enter Sawyer's. "I am so sorry. I didn't want this to happen. All we did was eat lunch together…"

"Are you telling me that you fell in love with Jack over lunch?" Sawyer asked in astonishment. "That is all it took for him?"

"Yes," said Kate releasing a deep breath. All the lies and all the deceit… it was being revealed. The rock of guilt that had been resting on her chest was being lifted off. "That's all."

"Then you and him have something you and I never had," said Sawyer as if he was reaching an epiphany.

"Sawyer," Kate said gently. She was going to tell him everything. He deserved to know the truth and she wanted to be completely honest. But she was saving the worst thing for last, the last blow to cause the death. "I lied to you."

"Yeah," Sawyer said with a bitter laugh, "I got that."

"No," Kate said weakly, "A few minutes ago… Jack and I… Sawyer. That night I didn't come home I was not at Claire's…"

"I know," Sawyer admitted as he interrupted her, "I don't know how I fucking knew, but I did. And I really don't want to know the fucking details of the night you ruined everything we had. I don't understand why my love wasn't enough for you… you were the only person I ever wanted to be with. But not anymore… I can't even look at you Kate. I don't want to marry you either."

"Sawyer," Kate cried out. She didn't want to convince him to marry her, but she wanted to apologize to him. She was truly sorry for the hurt she had caused him. But her feelings were uncontrollable. She wanted him to understand that she did not feel solely responsible for their relationship failing… he had had his part as well.

But Sawyer had walked out of the room before she could say another word. He left Kate stunned and alone. She could not move; her hands were still clutching the arms of the chair. She could not believe what had just happened, she was upset… and yet…she was happy. She looked up as Claire came into the room. She searched the room for Sawyer.

"Where is Sawyer?" asked Claire softly as if Sawyer was hiding and this was all a practical joke.

"He left," Kate said almost wanting to smile. Just as she was about to speak, she heard the loud screeching of tires on the soaking wet pavement. The thunder and lightening had ceased, but the rain continue to fall as if it was washing away all that had been, leaving the world open for something new. "And he broke up with me."

"Your not crying," Claire, said with an odd smile.

"No," Kate said shaking her head, "I'm not."

"Kate," Claire said standing in front of her, "Your free."

"I'm scared," admitted Kate her heart racing, she was still shaking, "I don't remember what it feels like to be single."

"But your not," Claire informed her, "Your heart does not belong to you alone, you've given part of it away."

"I've given it all away," corrected Kate folding her hands and holding them in front of her mouth, "But I think he's gone."

"There is only one way to find out," Claire said with a little half smile.

"Help me out of this," Kate said reaching behind her head. Claire rushed over to her and pulled out the veil and tossed it onto the floor on top of Sawyer's tie. Kate stood up and walked to the door. She stopped when Claire called after her.

"Do you want me to drive you?" she offered.

"No," said Kate opening the door, "Jack's house is only a block away, I'm going to run."

Kate felt like Andy in the movie The Shawshank Redemption, he had crawled through the sewer towards freedom, once he had reached the river; he stood up and let the rain run over him. The rain was the sign of the independence he had gained. Kate was running down the sidewalk, the rain had soaked through the layers of her dress; the bottom was becoming darker and darker with each step. Anyone who looked out their window would be puzzled by the sight of a bride running down the street, all the perfect ringlets that had been formed in her hair… soaking wet and water logged, sticking to her face.

This was a soap opera, a really bad soap opera, the kind that housewives watched in the daytime because they were bored. There was the girl, and the man that loved her and then the man she loved and of course they hated each other. The girl had a best friend who always did what she thought was best, and there was child that had capture the woman's heart as well. And now she had broken off her wedding by saying the wrong name. She was running down the street, her dramatic life was almost complete; all she needed was someone to play a John Mayer ballad about love lost and love gained.

For the first time in a long time the water that rain down her face was not mixed with tears, she felt so free and alive as she ran towards Jack… towards everything she wanted, everything she could have had if she hadn't been to prejudice. But here she was, she was at the door, the door that would determine if the love of her life had gone like he had said…or if by some chance he had remained…

Kate knocked on Jack's door. She prayed to God that he had not left yet. He had to be here. He had to, after everything that had just happened…

The door swung open, Jack was standing there if a white button up shirt and a pair of suit pants. He had not heard the knock at the door; he was about to leave for the airport...

"Kate?" he asked loudly. For a moment he thought he might be dreaming, "Babe? What the hell are you doing here?"

"It's over," Kate announced. She wasn't smiling. "All over Jack."

"What's over?" Jack asked taking a step towards her, exposing him to the rain, it soaked through his shirt and undershirt, they both clung to his muscular body.

"Me and Sawyer," Kate told him, "I messed up the wedding and he walked out."

"How?" Jack asked still in shock of Kate the wet bride arriving at his doorstep. He looked for a car; he saw none, "How did you get here?"

"I said your name instead of his," Kate informed him with a smile. The first true smile she had had in weeks, since he night he had rejected her. It felt so amazing to smile again, "And I ran here."

"You said my name?" questioned Jack, "Why?"

"Why?" Kate repeated with a laugh, "Are you serious?"

"Yes," said Jack, "I told you to forget about me."

"I can't," Kate said lowering her voice, "Because I love you… and I told Sawyer everything… he knows. He told me he no longer wanted to marry me."

"Idiot," said Jack putting his hand on the side of her face, "And you just ran out of the church and down the street?"

"I was afraid that you had already left for the airport," Kate told him. The beat of her was slowly returning to a normal pace. He was touching her arm now too; her whole body had been cold before the contact. The rain had soaked her to the bone and she was positive that she looked completely hideous, but Jack was gazing at her as if she absolutely beautiful.

"No," replied Jack obviously, "I was just about to though. I can't believe you are here babe."

"My heart is broken," Kate said gently looking up at him. Their eyes met and Kate watched as the wall Jack had built up around him the last three weeks, the wall that had stopped her from breaking through to him last night, demolish. She was looking at Jack… pure Jack, "And you are the only one who can fix it."

"I think I can do that," Jack said lowering his head so their foreheads were touching, "Once you tell me that you are really here, that you aren't going to leave again… because I can't play this game anymore unless this is the end and we are together."

"You win Jack," Kate replied closing her eyes. She wanted to cry again, but this time they were tear of joy. Ultimate joy. "I'm here and this time I won't leave."

"You promise," Jack, asked her lifting her chin so he could kiss her.

"I do," Kate said beaming from ear to ear, but before he could kiss her she spoke again, "Tell me you love me."

"You know that I do," replied Jack smiling, "I always have and always will."

"Mend my heart," Kate demanded with a murmur.

Jack's lips met her's half a second later, Kate wrapped both her arms around Jack's neck as she kissed him back. Jack wrapped his arms around her waist and held her close to him… this time he wasn't going to let her get away.

To be continued…


	16. This is Reality

Chapter 16: This is Reality

Kate opened her eyes and felt her heart swell up with such intense joy. Jack saw laying next to her, he was laying towards her, still sound asleep. Kate smiled and turned over, she looked at the clock; it was almost ten… she needed to get up. There was a subconscious fear that this might be a dream and the second she sat up all of this would be gone. She would not be lying next to Jack, she would not be in the satin slip that she had worn underneath her wedding dress and she and Jack would not be together. Together… Kate breathed in a deep blissful breath… together. She and Jack were together. It had taken so long, so many hurdles, but her she was in his bed with him… in love and happy. She was happy.

Jack was awake, Kate could tell by his restless movements. She turned and was no face to face with him. She smiled a little half smile and waited for Jack to speak first.

"Hi," Jack said simply. Kate broke into a bigger smile. There were so many things to say… and he had chosen a plain hello.

"Hi," said Kate mocking him. "Sleep well?"

"Yeah," Jack said in a whisper, "This isn't a dream is it? I'm sick and tired of dreaming and then waking up to another reality."

"It's not a dream," Kate said now only inches away from him. "I'm right here. I promised you that I wouldn't leave baby."

"I know," Jack said before he kissed her gently. Kate put her hand on the side of his face as she kissed him back. He broke away from her and smiled. "You make me happy."

Kate felt her cheeks turn a deep shade of red, she covered her face with the blanket and hid from him. Jack was laughing loudly as he spoke.

"Why are you hiding?"

"Because you make me blush," Kate said from underneath the blanket.

"And?" said Jack confused.

Kate pulled back the blanket and looked at him.

"No one has made me blush since high school," she informed him. "I guess… I'm not used to all these good feelings… you make me happy too. Really really happy."

"Good," Jack said kissing her forehead, "Because I did tell you that I wished you all the happiness in the world, I'm glad I get to be the one to give it to you."

"You are the only one who could ever make me this happy," Kate said flirtatiously. "When do you have to go to work?"

Jack looked over at the clock; it was almost eleven in the morning. He had canceled his flight to Albuquerque and then called the hospital to beg for his job back. They did not hesitate hiring back one of the top surgeons in the country.

"One," said Jack answering her, "Enough time for me to make you lunch."

"You don't have too," Kate said, "I'll be here when you come home…we can eat dinner together then."

* * *

"Ahem."

Jack looked up from his newspaper that was spread out in front of him at the kitchen island. Kate was leaning against the wall that blocked off the hallway to his bedroom; she was in a pair of his boxer shorts and one of his t-shirts. The shirt hung off her small frame and the shorts were so baggy on her that she had rolled them over several times so they wouldn't fall off. Her hair was a mess, but Jack was pretty sure she had never looked so beautiful, her wedding dress was lying in a large pile in the middle of his… their bedroom floor. He was wearing a pair scrubs for work.

"Are you just going to sit there or do I get a good afternoon kiss?" Kate asked playfully.

"I thought I would make you suffer a little," Jack said rising from his seat.

"Well that would not be to nice," Kate said with a little pout.

"Would it make you cry?" asked Jack with fake concern.

"It might," said a cheerless Kate, "But you wouldn't want to make me cry would you? I don't look pretty when I cry."

"You always look pretty," Jack said leaning in front of her.

"Even when I am wearing your clothes?" Kate asked their lips only millimeters apart.

"Why are you in my clothes?" he asked her.

"Because I don't have any here," Kate answered him, "All I have is the wedding dress…"

"You look Especially beautiful when you are in my clothes," Jack said before she kissed him.

"Dude," said a loud voice behind them. Kate and Jack broke apart and looked over at Hurley, he was wearing a lime green t-shirt over a pair rubber ducky pajama pants. "No lovey lovey in the living room. That is why there is a bedroom."

"Sorry Hurley," Kate said apologetically wrapping her arms around Jack. "Please forgive me, I didn't know the house had rules."

"There are a lot of rules," Hurley informed her taking out a carton of orange juice, he twisted off the top, "One is that you don't put an empty container of juice back into the fridge. Two, you label everything you put in the fridge and only eat that. Third, you do not dry my laundry; I like it hung dry. Four, you do not wake up Sayid in the middle of night; it is a very scary thing to do. He might not be a terrorist but sure acts like one at three in the morning."

"Should I be writing this down?" Kate whispered to Jack. Jack just laughed and shrugged.

"Let's see," Hurley said. "On Saturdays when we are all home we do not watch 'chick flicks' we watch things only filled with blood and war and cursing. Except Steel Magnolias or Pretty Woman, I just love Julia Roberts."

"Hurley," interrupted Jack, "I think Kate gets it… but I don't know how much longer we will be living here…"

"Damn," Hurley said pouring himself a bowl of Fruity Pebbles, "Who is going to cook for me? Has Jack cooked for you?"

"He made me mac and cheese," Kate said with a laugh.

"She comes over," Hurley said to Jack, "And you woo her with Spongebob mac and cheese? Jack you can do so much better then that! Plus that was mine, you broke the rules!"

"You'll get over it," Jack told him. Hurley shrugged, his mouth full of fruit pebbles. Jack looked over at Kate and smiled a slick little smile. He reached out his hand; Kate took it and let him lead her off towards their bedroom.

Once inside Kate sat down on the edge of the bed. She gazed over at the wedding dress and slip. The dress was completely ruined, there was not one inch of it that remained white, it was covered with mud and dirt, and the rainwater had begun to yellow it. Kate stood up and gathered the items in her arms and balled them up and threw them into the garbage can. Jack looked over at her; he was getting his stethoscope off the top of his dresser. He looked a little confused.

"I don't want it anymore," Kate said with a shrug.

"Okay," Jack said with a smile. He had no idea what kind of emotions Kate could be feeling. She might be happy with him, but another part of her could feel guilty for what she had done to Sawyer. He didn't know. "Are you okay?"

"Yes," Kate said with no intermission, "Why?"

"I don't know," lied Jack not wanting to bring up a topic that Kate might not want to discuss, "Maybe because all of this is happening so fast, it's a bit crazy."

"It is," Kate said feeling relieved that she had not been to one to bring it up. "I would like to take things slow, well not slow… but I don't want to rush anything. I don't want to ruin this."

"Alright," Jack said agreeing with her. "But I do think we should get our own place."

"Me too," Kate said beaming. She walked over to him and took his stethoscope and put it around his neck, "Now go save some lives. I think I am going to go and get my things from Sawyer's…" She paused and then reminded him again: "I'll be here when you get back."

Jack sighed happily and gave her a kiss. It did not bother him that she was returning to the home she had shared with Sawyer. She would be here when he got back, she would be there tomorrow, the day after, she would be there forever.

* * *

"Fuck I have such a hang-over," Claire said rubbing her forehead as Kate drove her car towards her old apartment.

"Why?" Kate asked laughing softly because all loud sounds severely pissed off Claire. Claire had brought her an outfit to borrow so she didn't have to leave the house in Jack's shirt and boxer.

"Well," Claire said her eyes closed. She was leaning back in her seat, "Hurley decided just because there wasn't a wedding…we shouldn't waste all the food and booze that you and Sawyer had bought. So we partied. God I am so stupid. I am so glad Aaron had spent the night at a friends."

"Well thank you for coming with me," Kate said, "Despite your hangover. I just didn't want to go into that apartment alone. To many memories…not all of them good."

"What are best friends for?" asked Claire, "If not to help them move out of their ex-fiancée's apartment?"

"True," said Kate with a pang of guilt. She hoped Sawyer had gotten her message and was not in the apartment. Kate had no idea what she would say to him. He deserved an apology and she was ready to give him one, she had tried the day before… but he had not listened and then he had walked out.

They arrived at the apartment building fifteen minutes. Kate used her key to let herself in. They walked rather slowly for Claire's sake. The elevator ride seemed to take forever, the fact that Sawyer could be in the apartment scared Kate. There was nothing that could stop her from being at Jack's when he got home from work.

"Sawyer?" Kate called as she unlocked the door and peered inside. There was no answer, only barking as Delilah came running to her, jumping up and down crazily.

"He isn't here," Claire informed her after she had walked through the entire apartment.

"Good," Kate said with relief. "I really don't have a lot of stuff here do I?"

"Not really," answered Claire as she starting taking Kate's CDs off the shelf. She staked them up on the coffee table as Kate folded together brown boxes, "Josh Groban?" Claire asked holding up a blue CD.

"Mine," Kate said.

"Maroon 5?"

"Mine."

"Goo Goo Dolls?"

"Mine."

"Chili Peppers?"

"Mine."

"Cher?"

"Sawyers."

"Really?"

"Nope."

Claire burst into a fit of giggles, which seemed too irritate her after a minute because they increased the intensity of her headache. Once she had finished with the CDs, she moved onto the books. She knew that every Danielle Steel book was Kate's that was the only author that she read. Every other one belonged to Sawyer.

"Do you think he will ever forgive me?" Kate asked as she threw clothes out of closet at Claire. Claire then folded them and put them into a suitcase.

"Why?" Claire inquired, "Are you hoping that you two can become best friends and then do each others hair and gossip about Britney Spears and her seventh pregnancy?"

"No," Kate said with a small laugh, "I really don't want any contact with him, but I just don't want him to let this ruin his life. I know I hurt him, but I want him to move on."

"Who knows," said Claire with a shrug, "It's not like any of us keep in contact with him. There will be no way for us to find out. I guess we can read the paper and see if he ends up in there… you know… marriage announcements…police reports."

"You are so horrible," Kate said throwing a shirt at Claire's face. She did care about Sawyer like she cared about any general person. She hoped he could find that one person who made him truly happy.

* * *

"That bastard took your car," Claire said angrily as Kate got into the driver's seat of Claire's Civic all of her belongings stashed in the trunk and the back seat of the car, Delilah sat contently on Claire's lap.

"He did buy it for me," Kate said simply, "And it was in his name. I'll just have to buy my own now."

"You don't have a job," Claire said worriedly.

"I didn't waste all my money from Oceanic," Kate said mischievously, "Sawyer wasted his on random stuff and stupid vacations. I on the other hand invested some of mine."

"And you are with a doctor," Claire interjected.

"He doesn't have that much money," Kate informed her.

"More then you and me combined," Claire said raising her eyebrows.

"True," said Kate laughing, "But we are going to use that to get us our own place. Don't get me wrong I love Hurley and Sayid, but I don't want to live with them. Hurley has some whacked rules and a crush on Julia Roberts. Kind of strange."

"Not as strange as your crush on Orlando Bloom," Claire said with a girly giggle.

"True," Kate said again, "But come on…its Orlando Bloom."

"Yeah," said Claire, "Jack or Orlando?"

"Jack," Kate answered without hesitation.

"But Orlando has an accent," Claire said.

"Jack makes me happy," Kate fought back with a laugh.

"Orlando is gorgeous," Claire said teasing Kate.

"Jack is too," Kate said.

"Orlando has money," Claire replied.

"Jack loves me," Kate said beaming from ear to ear.

"Touché," Claire said declaring the winner.

* * *

"Hey," Jack said walking through the front door. Kate was sitting with Sayid at the dining room table. Neither one of them replied, each to immersed in the very serious game of gin rummy there were playing. Jack did not speak again, but walked over to Kate and kissed the top of her head.

"Dinner is on the stove," Kate told him as she drew a card.

"You cooked?" Jack asked with mingled surprise.

"Yeah," Kate answered, "With help from this little thing called pizza delivery."

"Funny," Jack said standing up.

"Haha," Sayid said as he laid down all of his cards, "Looks like I win again."

"Not fair," Kate said crossing her arms. "I suck at card games. Tomorrow we are playing Monopoly."

"Alright," Sayid standing up after cleaning up the deck of cards, "I need to run up to the headquarters, see you all later."

"Bye Sayid," Kate called as he walked out of the house. Jack was sitting next to her; Kate turned and faced him.

"How was work?" she said curiously.

"Not bad," Jack asked with a mouth full of pizza. "Did you get all our your things?"

"Yes," Kate answered with nod, "I put them in the bedroom. I wasn't going to unpack them all if we are going to move out fairly soon."

"Alright," Jack said, "Where do you want to move?"

"I don't know," Kate, said, "Not far, I start school in two weeks and I can't leave behind Sam. I just don't want to live in another apartment. That is my only request."

"Alright," Jack said agreeing with her.

"You can argue with me if you want," Kate said with a laugh, "It's okay."

"You want me to argue with you?" asked Jack perplexed.

"Well if you don't agree with me then yes," Kate said smiling.

"But I do agree," Jack said.

"Okay," Kate said, "I just wanted you to know."

"Okay," Jack replied. "Well tomorrow I don't have to come into work so what do you want to do?"

"Hm," Kate said thinking. "I want to go to the beach."

"Really?" Jack asked, "I thought you would be sick and tired of beaches seeing that we lived on one for three years."

"Nah," Kate said, "I love the beach. So…we can do that for half a day and then do something you want to."

"Dinner and a movie?" Jack offered. Kate nodded and then leaned forward and kissed him. "No musicals okay?"

"No war movies," Kate said shaking her head toughly.

"No chic flicks," Jack retaliated.

"No nasty sex comedies."

"No foreign films."

"No horror movies."

"No documentaries."

"No…" Kate bit her bottom lip and then scowled. "Disney?"

"Okay," Jack said with a laugh. "If that makes you happy."

"You make me happy," said Kate wrapping her arms around his neck. Jack brushed away the few hairs that had fallen into her face. "But I think I have told you enough."

"Nah," Jack replied, "It's good to hear. I love you."

Kate raised her shoulders and she breathed in deeply with a blissful sigh. She released it and smiled.

"That is something that is something you could never tell me enough." She said as she leaned in for another sweet kiss.

To be continued…


	17. Weeks and Wishes

Chapter 17: Weeks and Wishes

"Damn," Claire said as she walked with Kate through the house she and Jack had bought together, "This house is amazing."

"It needs a lot of work," Kate said her arms crossed in front of her chest. She gazed around the house and she now called home. It had taken a lot longer for them to find their home. Longer then Kate had ever expected, almost six weeks. But that had found it. Thirty minutes of out the city, in a small little suburban town. The moment Kate had walked up the broken cobble stone path and towards the front door with a rounded top, she knew this was the house. It was a lot like Jack's old home, the same Spanish style with classic gothic features. But unlike his the inside was a raw palate. There were no painted walls and every floor consisted of a concrete slab. The house was a steal, it had five bedrooms, three bedrooms, and everything a house for a future family needed to have. Luckily for Delilah she was no longer kept in the house, she had a large fenced in yard in which to run.

"But that is something you and Jack can do together," Claire said. Her face was pale; it was slowly turning a nasty shade of green, "Bathroom?"

Kate pointed to her right and Claire took off at a run. She returned several minutes later after she had managed to clean herself up.

"Do you have the flu or something?" Kate asked Claire. It was October now and the weather had taken a change. The nights were colder then they had been in the summer. They were also experiencing very strong and brisk winds.

"No," said Claire simply. "It's definitely not the flu."

"Then what is it?" Kate asked as she sat down on the cheap second hand couch she and Jack had purchased, they would buy the rest of their furniture after the remodeling of the house was through.

"You are never going to believe me," Claire said not meeting her eyes.

"Now you have to tell me," instructed Kate. Claire sat down next to her and sighed deeply.

"I'm pregnant," she announced.

"What?" Kate exclaimed loudly, "Are you kidding me?"

"I kind of wish I was," Claire said shaking her head.

"I didn't know you were dating anyone," said Kate frustrated, "I'm your best friend, you should have told me!"

"I am not dating anyone," Claire clarified.

"The baby was not immaculately conceived," Kate said with an attempt to make Claire smile. She did and then frowned. "Who?"

"Have you ever seen the movie Knocked up?" Claire asked her pale cheeks flushed with pink.

"Yes," Kate said finally understand what had happened, "Care to elaborate?"

"Well you know that we turned your and Sawyer's wedding reception into a big party right?" Claire asked. Kate nodded and motioned for her to continue. "Well I had a few drinks. Well more then a few, like a lot. And I started talking to someone and then we flirted and he offered to drive me home even though he was pretty buzzed too. Well he drove me home and then he didn't leave."

"So I know him?" Kate asked.

"Yes," Claire told her trying to remain calm, "It's Sayid."

"No way!" Kate cried out, "No way. Oh my god. Oh my god."

"Stop saying that," Claire said on the verge of tears, "Kate what am I going to do?"

"Have you told him yet?" she inquired.

"No," answered Claire, "I don't know how. We haven't talked since that night. Well not really, we see each other all the time obviously because of when we all get together. But still, it was so awkward that morning."

"You need to tell him," Kate said matter-of-factly, "I think it will make things clearer."

"What if he doesn't want the baby?" Claire said panic stricken, "What if he denies it and says that I am just trying to pin this one him. Kate! What is he totally freaks out on me. I already am a struggling single parents, I can't raise Aaron and a baby!"

"If Sayid does that," Kate said with a dramatic pause, "I'll set Jack on him."

* * *

"I really hate this color," Jack announced as he rolled an odd green color onto the walls of the master bathroom.

"You have to wait and see it with the tile and the towels and everything," Kate said trying to reassure him. "You need to trust me."

"I do trust you," Jack said looking of at her. She had her hair back in a high ponytail. There were several different colors of paint on her clothes, but it was the odd green that she wore on her face and hands. "I don't trust your coloring picking expertise."

Kate flicked her paintbrush at Jack causing hundreds of paint flecks to hit him in the face. Kate burst into a fit of laughter as Jack took the roller and rolled a strip of paint down Kate's neck and chest.

"Jack!" Kate exclaimed loudly as Jack smiled maliciously. "That was not very nice."

"You started it," Jack teased.

"How about I finish it," Kate said in a motherly tone. She put her hand in the pan of paint and then walked in front of Jack and rubbed it into his hair. Jack grabbed her hand and then kissed her passionately. He let go of her hand and she wrapped it around him as the back up against the wall still kissing. "Jack," Kate said breaking away from him, "We can't let the paint dry."

"Right," Jack said backing away from her. Her cheeks were flushed from the thirty seconds of passion. Kate went right back to painting as if nothing had happened.

This is what their relationship consisted of. The unplanned passionate romantic moments that took them by surprise. It kept their relationship fun and kept the spark alive. Kate had feared that the intense passion they had had when they were not together would disappear once they were. She feared the spark in their relationship was created from the knowledge that what they were doing was wrong. But in the end it was Kate who was wrong.

The last six weeks were the best she had ever lived. There was nothing like coming home from school to find Jack there, sitting on the couch reading a book or watching the news. They didn't need sex to have a romantic relationship, unlike Sawyer and her. Just being together was romantic. The small glances they shot at one another when they thought the other was not looking. The whispers in the dark as they lay together in bed and the sweet kisses that had no pretense, but just seemed right were romantic. The plans they were making for their future together, Jack never pressure Kate to move faster. They took things in stride, day by day, they were just happy that finally they were together.

This was love, what Kate and Sawyer had had was attraction, physical, sexual, whatever it had been was not love. Jack had shown Kate loved; real love…true love.

"Kate?" asked Jack bringing out of her thoughts. She looked over at him and cocked her head to the side. "I got a call from my Mom last night."

"Your Mom calls every night," Kate said with a laugh. Jack laughed to and then put his roller down.

"She wants to meet you," Jack said quickly.

Kate drew in a quick breath and then paused. She didn't feel complete dread or horror. She didn't know what to think about this. Her worst fear was that Margot Shephard would not like her. Then would break Jack's heart. Jack complained about his noisy mother, the mother that got mad at him when he didn't take the highest paying job, but the one that made the most difference. When he had gotten back to the island he had to beg her forgiveness. Apparently she had been mad at him for leading her to believe he was dead, not that there was anything he could do about it. That was just Margot Shephard, as Jack put it she was old and stubborn and there was nothing that could change her. Despite all of this Jack and Margot were close. And Kate feared her disproval could ruin everything.

"Alright," Kate said turning away from Jack. She tried to focus all her thoughts on the half painted wall before her. "When?"

"Next weekend," Jack said. He had not continued his painting. He put his roller down again and walked over to Kate. He turned her around and kept his hands on her shoulders, "You okay?"

"Yeah," Kate lied. "Where does she live?"

"Bel-Air," Jack said. He saw the glimmer of fright enter Kate's eyes. "Babe, it's going to be fine. There is nothing to worry about. I promise."

* * *

"This place smells weird," declared Sam as she walked into the large recreational room at the large children's home she was now staying in. She had gotten much better since the first time Kate come contact with the child.

"It's not that bad," Kate said as the two girls sat down together on a couch that smelled horribly of mothballs, "I have smelled much worse."

"Like what?" asked Sam in her smart-ass voice.

"Like the smell of bodies rotting as you climb through the front of the front of a plane after it has crashed on an island in the middle of the Pacific Ocean," Kate answered with an obnoxiously large smile.

"Oh," Sam replied looking down, "I guess you win. Hey, why isn't Jack here?"

"He had to go run some errands with Hurley," Kate said as she twisted off the cap of the nail polish Sam had just handed her. It was an obnoxious shade of pink.

"Oh really?" Sam said spotting Jack's fake motives. "I think he is going to buy you something."

"Do you?" asked Kate with a laugh. "That's not like Jack. We don't find the need to shower each other in gifts."

"Five bucks says he proposes in the next week," Sam said mischievously.

"What?" asked Kate taken aback with surprise, "Do you really think he will?"

"Duh," Sam said with a preteen flair. She had turned eleven a few weeks before. Kate and Jack had brought her a large chocolate cake with vanilla icing. They gave her an Ipod and then took a list of songs that she liked and returned it the next day with them all on there. Kate wasn't materialistic at all, but she could not help but spoil the child. She loved her as if she was her own; Sam was her angel in disguise. "Because he is hopelessly and crazily in love with you silly, unlike that nasty guy Sewer."

"Sawyer," Kate corrected with a laugh.

"Whatever," Sam said laughing. She reached out her hand so Kate could begin painting her nails, "So what do you say? Wanna make a bet?"

"If you answer a question first," Kate said concentrating on her task.

"Shoot," Sam replied.

"Where is Jacob?" Kate asked looking up at her auburn haired friend for a millisecond.

"I don't know," Sam, said with a sad shrug of her shoulders, "I don't get to see him ever. Sicily told me that he was in a foster home with some people. I asked her if they wanted if they wanted to adopt him. She said no and that no one wants a baby with HIV."

"Honey I am so sorry," Kate said holding back the tears. Her heart broke for the little girl sitting in front of. The little girl that deserved the world, but instead had this to live through.

"It's okay," said Sam, "I know that he is okay. But I think he is probably lonely. So about this bet are we on?"

"Sure," said Kate nodding, "What are we wagering?"

"If I win you have to come see me everyday…" started Sam.

"I'd come everyday if you want me too," interrupted Kate. "Think of something else."

"Fine," Sam said stretching her other hand out in front of her. "If I win you have to be have to let me come to the wedding."

"Of course," said Kate, "And if I win you have to come to the wedding."

"Fine," Sam said sounding exasperated, "I really wish I could think of something embarrassing for you to do."

"I'm really glad you couldn't," Kate said laughing as she finished Sam's left hand. "What do you want to do now?"

"How about we plan your wedding?" Sam said before bursting into a fit of laughter. Rocking back and forth on the couch as if she was a psychic… she wasn't, she just read people well.

* * *

"I don't understand why I have come with you," whined Hurley as Jack dragged him into another jewelry store. "I mean I know I am your best friend and I am going to be the best man, but really now."

"I'm sorry but I just can't find the perfect ring," Jack apologized as he began gazing beneath the glass of the jewelry store. There had to be a hundred rings, but none of them were popping out.

"Why does it have to be perfect?" questioned Hurley.

Jack looked up at him. Why did it have to be perfect? Maybe because Kate was the perfect person for him, maybe because she had changed him… she was everything to him. He needed a ring that said that. Showed her that he loved her and that he wanted to be with her forever. Sure he had told, he told her almost everyday, but the ring would be a symbol. So if they were apart she could look down at her hand and know it.

"Just because," Jack replied.

"May I help you?" asked a man in a Gucci suit. Jack told him what he was looking for and suddenly there were several dozen rings in front. Jack surveyed them each individually as Hurley looked at the necklaces. He was laughing loudly at a necklace with a diamond-incrusted dollar sign. Jack sighed loudly, this was harder then he ever thought it could be.

"Which one?" asked Jack several minutes later.

Hurley took both of the rings in his hand. One was an average sized diamond, round cut, on a silver band incrusted with tiny diamonds all around the outer edge that glittered in the fluorescent lights above. The other was a princess cut diamond flanked by two smaller diamonds on a gold band. Hurley lifted both of them towards the light and then hummed to himself as he put them on, they only went to his first knuckle, and looked at them some more.

"They are very simple," Hurley said. He looked over at the other rings, "Sure you don't want to get that one. It looks like a boulder compared to these stones."

"Kate wouldn't like it," Jack told him.

"How do you know that?" Hurley asked.

"They are to complex and fancy for Kate," Jack explained hastily, "She is very simple when it comes to wearing jewelry when she does wear it."

"This one then," Hurley said finally handing him the emerald cut on the silver band, "I think she will like it."

"I am trusting you Hurley," Jack replied menacingly, "Don't be wrong."

"Psh," Hurley said handing the other ring back to the man in the Gucci suit, "I am never wrong. That's the ring. But please plan out have your proposal planed out, you don't want to keep Kate waiting while you call me for advice."

To be continued…


	18. No Ring Needed

Chapter 18: No Ring Needed

The houses were huge. Huge and perfect, each had hundreds of windows gleaming in the autumn sunshine. The perfectly manicured lawns were the greenest green, not a single weed or blemish in sight. Some driveways were housing the expensive luxury cars or limos. Not a single person in this town drove Dodge Neon like Kate. Kate was pretty sure that her house would be like a garage to these people.

All right, she admitted it. She was insecure. She had woken up that morning dreading today. She didn't know what was in store for her at the Shephard's. Would she resemble the maids? She had tried to dress her very best, she wore a periwinkle blue halter top underneath a fitted leather coat, she wore jeans, her best jeans, because she didn't want to look to fancy. Jack on the other hand was wearing a nice t-shirt, a pair of black jeans, and red high top converse. She could just hit him. It had taken her all morning to put this ensemble together, and there he sat looking so casual.

"Will you stop shaking?" Jack asked trying to hide the humor he found in Kate's behavior, "Please. My Mom isn't that bad, babe, I would tell you if she was like Jane Fonda in Monster-in-Law. I still don't know why you made me watch that movie last night."

"I wanted you to compare your Ma to her," Kate answered. She kept her eyes fixed on the mansions they passed, "I want to be prepared."

"Your scared," This wasn't a question. It was a fact. Kate shot him a look at then rolled her eyes. That meant he was right and she was annoyed. "That's it right there."

"Of course it is," Kate said as she looked at the biggest house on the street. It was huge and white and it seemed to tower over everything in sight. It, like the other house, had the perfect lawn and the Mercedes Benz parked in front of the large wood door. A rather large rock on the edge of the street had 'The Shephard's' engraved into it. "I think I am going to be sick."

Jack walked around the car and opened the door for Kate, she was perfectly happy opening her own door, but Jack was almost pulling her out of the car. Why was she acting like such a child? She felt embarrassed and childish, but that was covering her real fear. If Margot Shephard didn't like her, would Jack leave?

Jack laced his fingers through Kate's, she was holding onto him for dear life. She tried to walk as if she was going into the mall with Claire for the Macy's sale, not into the house of the woman who could possibly take away the best thing that had ever happened to her.

"Jack!" said a gray haired woman flying into Jack's arms. Jack dropped Kate's hand as Margot hugged her son. Jack gave her a happy hello and patted her back gently. Margot broke away from Jack; Kate got her first real look at the woman. She was a bit shorter then Kate, maybe five foot three, her gray hair was in a perfect curled style. She looked very young for her age; the glasses she wore at the edge of her nose aged her a bit. She was wearing a soft black shirt with a maroon cashmere sweater, several pieces of expensive jewelry hung off her slightly plump frame.

"Mom," Jack said retaking Kate's hand, "This is Kate."

"Hello Kate," Margot said shaking Kate's spare hand, "It is very nice to meet you." Margot let go of her hand and then turned to Jack. Every time she looked at him she seemed to beam with pride. "Sweetheart I had Serge set up lunch for us in the sunroom. Such a beautiful day, why should we waste it?"

Margot led them through the house. Kate tried to take it all in, the marble floors and expensive oriental rugs, all of the priceless pieces of artwork that covered the walls. The house seemed to be more like a museum; you could easily spend hours in here looking at all the collectables, all of the knick-knacks, which probably cost thousands of dollars. Finally there reached the sunroom. It was completely made of windows. The room looked out into the acres of garden and lawn in the distance. A table had been set up for them; a white tablecloth with lace overlay had gold trimmed china resting on it. Margot motioned for them to sit down. Jack remained standing until Kate and Margot had both sat down. He seemed to pull these proper manners from somewhere in the back of his mind. This didn't seem like the same guy who ate ice cream for breakfast while sitting in his boxers and bathrobe.

"So Kate…" Margot started as a woman dressed all in white poured water into crystal goblets, "I understand that you did not grow up in California."

"In Iowa," Kate said softly. She smiled meekly and put her hands underneath the table so no one would see her cracking her knuckles nervously.

"Iowa?" Margot questioned, "Hm. How do you like California?"

"It's nice," replied Kate. Kate cursed herself. She could have come up with a better response. "I like it a lot."

"Do you plan on staying her forever?" asked Margot as she passed around a plate of tiny sandwiches.

Kate looked over at Jack. He was concentrating on which chicken salad sandwich had the tiniest amount of pickle on top. Kate of course knew that he hated pickles and would have never put it on there.

"That seems to be the plan as of now," answered Kate taking a single sandwich off the silver tray. She held the tray in her hands, but before she could figure out what to do with it the maid had taken it out her hands. "But I don't know about forever."

"What is your current occupation?" Margot asked bringing her water goblet to her lips.

"None," Kate said wishing she could whimper, "I had a job at Cedar-Sinai, but I quit because… um… I decided to go back to school."

"That's nice," hummed Margot. "You met Jack at the hospital?"

"Well actually I was on the flight from Australia with Jack," Kate said.

"Really?" Margot asked looking over at Jack, "Jack didn't tell me that. But we don't like talk about that really. Such a horrible time in my life, but my baby is home now."

Kate nodded because she had no idea what to do. She looked down at the little sandwich that rested in the middle of her plate. Maybe this is why rich people were skinny? Maybe because all they ate were mini sandwiches with water.

"You were in prison," Margot stated right as Kate had taken a drink from her goblet. She was lucky that Kate had a good grip on that glass because she might have dropped it otherwise, "Why?"

"Mom," Jack said interrupting for the first time.

"Um," Kate said giving Jack a look. She might as well tell this woman everything; if it meant she got to keep Jack she would even tell her about Sawyer. "Yeah for about three years. Um. It wasn't too bad really… I just did the time. Did a lot of thinking… but it really wasn't a big deal. It was for robbing a bank while on the run from a murder conviction that I did not do. So…um."

"Oh," Margot interjected, "Then you got an apartment and a job."

"Pretty much," lied Kate.

"Very well," Margot said before pursing her lips. "What would you like to eat Jack dear?"

"Um a cheeseburger and fries," Jack said.

"Jack Christian Shephard," spat Margot, "I have one of the finest chefs in the world cooking for us. He could make you anything in the world and you choose a slab of poor beef to be grilled?"

"Yeah," Jack said with a smile. He looked at the maid who was writing down the orders, "Thanks Julie."

Julie the maid beamed brightly and then turned to Kate.

"Oh," Kate said biting her lip. She could have anything in the world? Anything… she was trying to think of something clever to get. But she could not think of anything. "I'll have the same as Jack I think."

Margot let out a deep sigh and then spoke to Julie, "I think I shall go a little casual today too, Julie, I will have the lamb. Yes, the lamb with the mint jelly to the side. I would like three russet potatoes, three, with butter and the chef's special spices. I would then like a small side order of escargot... Victor knows how I like them...and then for dessert I would like crème brule."

Kate had to stifle her laugh as Margot had ordered, she secretly wondered what would happen if there were four potatoes on Margot's plate, not three. She might go all Jane Fonda on them after all.

"How is work going Jack?" Margot asked him gently.

"Good," Jack said, "I've cut back on my hours some, been doing some volunteer work at an AIDS clinic downtown. And I am about to take a class on bone marrow transplants. Other then that, pretty normal."

"I don't feel comfortable with the idea of you exposing yourself to AIDS and HIV Jack," Margot her eyes full on concern. "What if some accident happened and you end up the virus."

"That wouldn't happen," Jack reassured her, "We take extreme precautions."

"It happened on ER," Margot reminded Jack.

"ER wasn't real Mom," said Jack smiling.

"But still," retaliated Margot, "I would feel better if you went back to USC, your father had many successful years there. They would give your job back in a seconds, especially when they found out that you are Christian Shephard's son."

"I would rather get my jobs on my own," Jack said firmly, "Not using the family name."

"You should be prouder of this name," Margot said icily, "How many times have I told you Jack, if you just joined the country club, you would opening yourself up to so many more opportunities. You could make such good friends."

"I have good friends," said Jack.

"Like that big guy?" Margot said with a laugh. "Hugo?"

"Mom just because you don't like my best friend doesn't mean I am going to go out and find a new one," Jack said sounding highly annoyed now.

"Just think about joining the club," Margot said giving Jack her puppy dog eyes, "For my sake sweet heart, just think about all the golf you could play."

"Not all doctors enjoying golfing," Jack said simply.

"What do you like to do?" asked Margot raising her eyebrows.

"Bowl?" offered Jack. He smiled as Margot put her head in her hands and sighed deeply.

"I should have never let you go to public school…"

* * *

Margot was not scary, she wasn't mean or bitter; she was crazy. Kate was now standing alone in the parlor, even with the directions Margot had given her when she had asked for a moment alone with Jack, Kate had still managed to get lost. Finally she had just continued walking and had ended up in the room with the tiger skin on the wall.

She was pretty sure that Margot hated her. She was the exact opposite of everything she had wanted for Jack. Kate laughed when she thought about her and Jack in little plaid gold outfits at the country club. Jack wearing a pair of plaid shorts and those ridiculous little hats with the pom-poms on them. Ha.

"Are you Kate?"

Kate turned around and saw an older looking man with a pipe hanging out of his mouth. She nodded and the man walked towards him. He was wearing a pair of khaki pants and a green and blue argyle sweater; in his right hand he held a wooden cane.

"I am Roy," said the man with a southern drawl, "I'm Jack's uncle."

"Oh," said Kate sounding confused. She wondered how Roy could have a very prominent Southern accent and Margot spoke clearly with high-class sharpness.

"Don't be fooled," Roy said almost reading her thoughts, "Margot was born in Alabama just like me, she just likes for everyone to think that she grew-up here. But no, deep down she is pure south. She eats mac and cheese, fried chicken, and red beans and rice when she is depressed.

"I can't see her doing that," said Kate honestly. She had just watched how perfectly Margot had eaten her lunch, dabbing the sides of her mouth with a cloth napkin after ever bite.

"She kicked you out?" asked Roy.

"Yes," Kate said with a nod, "Wanted to talk to Jack alone."

"Follow me," said Roy. Kate did as she was told. She followed the man up the stairs and towards a linen closet. Well… it didn't look like a linen close to Kate, more like bedroom lined with sheets, but Roy pointed to a vent and Kate quickly realized she could hear every word Margot was saying to Jack.

"She has no family?"

"No."

"She has no job?"

"Nope."

"She spends her free time with a ten year old girl with AIDS?"

"Yes."

Kate looked up at Roy. She felt depressed, but the man was smiling brightly.

"Your nothing like the women Margot used to bring over for Jack to meet. I like you much better," he said leaning on his cane.

Kate tried to smile, but she felt saddened by the disapproval of Margot.

"Jack. Jack. Jack." Margot said sounding exasperated, "She is the exact opposite of every girl I brought you here to meet. She is not blonde, she doesn't have a job, she is from Iowa and she went to prison for robbing a bank. And yet… I look at you right now and you look the happier then I can ever remember. And if that woman can make you feel like that then well I have no choice but to tell you that I approve."

"I didn't come here for you to approve her," Jack said, "I wanted you to meet her, no offense Mom, but your approval doesn't mean much."

"But aren't you happy that I do?" asked Margot.

"Yes," Jack said, "I guess so."

"I like her," Margot said finally with a sigh, "She is perfect for you. She is just like you… I hope you two are happy together… in your bowling shoes eating cheeseburgers."

Kate looked up at Uncle Roy who was chuckling to himself. He peered down at her and whispered:

"Welcome to the family."

* * *

"Over there is where I broke my arm," Jack said pointing towards a tree that was absolutely perfect for climbing.

Kate had been waiting for Jack in the parlor when he and finished talking to Margot. She tried not to show on her face that she had overheard the conversation. She doubted that she was doing a good job; she couldn't stop smiling.

"I bet you Ma was thrilled," Kate said clutching onto Jack's arm as he led her through the large garden that took up most of the backyard. Kate had never seen so many different types of flowers. According to Jack, Margot had flowers planted all year around. It did not matter to her if they died the very next day, she wanted to look out of her window and see color. This made Kate think that was Margot was insane and obsessive, which she very well was, but if she was going to let her have her son, well… Kate could deal with that.

"You want to sit down?" asked Jack pointing over to a bench that was underneath a large weeping willow tree. Once underneath the long branches, everything around them seemed to disappear. It was just the two of them.

"This is one of prettiest places I have ever been," said Kate looking up at the tree as she sat down next to Jack. She wasn't paying attention to the fact that he had just pulled out a tiny black box or the fact that he was trying to get her to look at him, "I think we should get a tree like this. I know it won't be this big for a long time. But I just like them; they have a horrible name though. Weeping willow? It doesn't look like it is crying at all. It's more like a swaying willow. Are you paying attention to me at all?"

Kate looked over at Jack with annoyance written all over her face. It faded quickly when she realized what Jack was trying to do. He was sitting there next to her, both of her hands in one of his. His other hand was holding open the black box. The ring with the emerald cut diamond was glinting in the sunlight. Kate felt as if she was going to pass out.

"Kate?" Jack asked her quietly. Kate didn't answer, "Babe are you okay?"

"Yeah," answered Kate, "I am fine…" Her voice drifted off as she looked at the ring. "I…"

"I know you want to take this slow," Jack explained.

"We aren't taking this slow," Kate interrupted, "We are taking it at glacier pace."

Jack let out a small laugh and then sighed. The pressure he had been feeling seemed to be fading, along with the sun; it was getting darker with each passing minute.

"Kate will you marry me?" Jack asked her.

"You didn't have to get me a ring," Kate said looking from the ring to Jack. "I wasn't expecting this."

"Did you think I wouldn't ask you?" Jack asked panicked.

"No," Kate said quickly, "I mean we already act like we are married. I didn't expect this… a ring."

"I don't understand why you would not expect a ring or me to propose," Jack replied.

"I don't either," Kate said, "I would have married you without a ring or fancy proposal. If you had pulled up to a court house and asked me if I felt like getting married I would have said yes."

"You would have?" Jack asked.

"Yes," Kate said nonchalantly, "I would have."

"That makes you different from every woman I have ever known," he said gently, "And absolutely perfect for me. But you still haven't answered my question."

"Oh," Kate said with a laugh. She brushed her hair out her face and then smiled, "I'm sorry. Of course I will marry you Jack."

To be continued…


	19. Planning and the Proposal

Chapter 19: Planning and The Proposal

Claire hadn't told Aaron yet. How do you tell your nine-year-old son that he is going to be a brother when you mom wasn't married? He was to young to know that people who weren't married could have a baby. To a nine-year-old life worked in simple ways, you fell in love, got married, and then a baby… just came. The only person that knew other then Claire and now Sayid was Kate. Claire had made her swear not to tell anyone, not even Jack.

"Claire," Kate said annoyed. She was sitting on the couch, arms folded against her chest. Claire had called her and told her she needed to come over right away… and yet Claire had not said on word. "Why do I need to be here? If I wanted to watch you sit there and think… well… I wouldn't."

"Sorry," Claire said softly. She looked down at her stomach again. It would be completely oblivious to anyone that she was current caring a child of a friend whom she had sex with one night after becoming seriously drunk. It was still flat as a board, but Claire looked at it as if at any moment a bowling ball would appear underneath the cotton.

"So," Kate said after exhaling a deep sigh. She looked around the room and then bit her lip. She was desperately searching for a conversation starter, "How are you feeling?"

That, apparently, was the wrong this to say.

Claire had stood up and begun rambling on and on, in a high pitched angry voice. Claire might have been speaking French… because what was coming out of her mouth was not comprehendible English.

"And…" Kate said after Claire had sat back down again.

"I told Sayid," Claire said roughly.

"Oh," replied Kate wanting to ask how it went without being noisy.

"He proposed," Claire, said her face turning scarlet.

"What?" Kate asked unable to hid her shock, "That was, um, nice of him."

"I told him I would have to think about it," said Claire. She looked at Kate with exasperation, "What am I going to do? I can't just marry him because I got pregnant with his baby. I mean marriage for be for love. But I can't do this on my own, I admit that."

"Claire," spoke Kate softly, "You have almost six months to figure it all out. You can spend time with Sayid. Get to know him better, ya know?"

"That's a good idea," Claire said wiping away a tear, "I though being pregnant the first time was hard. This is so much worse. I should be so happy…"

Kate drowned out Claire as her own thoughts took over. She was jealous of Claire, even now with this problem she had, she was still jealous. Why? Because she wanted a family… but how would she bring that up to Jack? He was unaware of Kate's wish to have children, in fact he was right along with her. But Kate didn't know how to bring it up? Should she just tell him that she wanted to get pregnant while eating dinner? Should she drop little hints hoping that he got the idea? She had no idea… with Sawyer having children was a dream she had given up. But now she had Jack… and anything she wanted he would give to her.

"Kate?" Claire asked.

Kate looked up at Claire and gave her a smile. Claire announced that she was taking her out to lunch and then walked out of the room to fetch Aaron. Kate sighed deeply and decided to take this one step at a time. She and Jack were getting married in a few months; maybe then, they could talk about having a baby.

* * *

Kate was sitting at the end of Sam's bed, her legs crossed Indiana style, Sam sat across from her in the same fashion. Between the two of them were dozens of fabric swatches for the bridesmaids and flower girl dresses. This time Kate would get her bridesmaids, Sun and Claire. 

"I hate this color," Sam announced picking up a piece of Indigo fabric.

"That was the color of my last wedding," Kate told her.

"Why?" asked Sam curiously eyeing the fabric with detest.

"Because the whole theme was dark," Kate said.

"Stupid Sewer," Sam said throwing the fabric into the reject pile.

"Sawyer," Kate corrected for the hundredth time.

"I gave him a nickname," Sam told her as she flipped through a bridal magazine. "This is really hard. There are so many things you have to do. This would drive me crazy!."

"That is why I am here getting your help," Kate told her pulling out a swatch of ocean blue.

"I am eleven years old," Sam, informed her, "Why would you want mine? I haven't even been to a wedding before."

"Well I thought I would ask my flower girl for help," Kate said not looking up at Sam.

"Are you kidding me?" Sam asked excitedly. "Me? You want me to be in your wedding?"

"Of course I do," Kate said.

"Oh my gosh," Sam said running her fingers through her auburn hair. "I will have to get my hair done… this is so awesome."

"Don't worry about everything now," Kate told her, "We have a few months yet. And don't worry; I will take care of you. Now you want to help pick out a color?"

"Blue," Sam said picking out a piece of robin's egg blue fabric. "This blue. I like it the best."

"I do too," Kate said taking the piece of fabric.

"So are you going to write your own vows?" asked Sam as she looked through pictures of bridal gowns.

"I think so," Kate said. "Jack wants too."

"What you going to say?" inquired Sam.

"Well," Kate said thinking out loud, "Probably I will tell him how much I love him and that without him I would be lost. That he is the best thing that ever happened to me and he is the reason why I am happy. I would tell him I can't wait to get out with him and that my soul is now complete."

Kate looked over at Sam who was beaming from ear to ear. Kate laughed and took a pillow and gently hit the girl with the feather cushion. Sam began to laugh and hit Kate back. They stopped once the head of the children's home coughed loudly and gave them a disapproving look.

"I love you Kate," Sam said suddenly, "You are more of a Mom to me then anyone has ever been."

"Sweetie," Kate said drawing Sam in for a hug, "I feel so lucky to have you in my life."

"I am sorry I am going to die," Sam said looking down as she broke away from Kate.

"You know I hate it when you talk like that," Kate said trying to prevent the tears from leaking out. "You are going to live a long life."

"If not," Sam said. Her tone was odd, as if she had accepted that fact that she was going to die and there was nothing she could do to stop it. "I'm glad I met you."

"You want to know what I just realized?" asked Kate her cheeks pink from Sam's compliment.

"What?" asked Sam making a goofy face.

"Jack is the reason I met you," Kate said.

"Well then," Sam said simply, "Jack's my hero."

To be continued…

* * *

**A/N: Sorry for the short chapter and long time between updates [I am used to updating everyday :) School has just started and I have limited time... so I think one or two updates a week... Thanks for understanding. :)**


	20. Baby Maybe

Chapter 20: Baby Maybe

Kate had never celebrated a real Thanksgiving before. Her Mom and her had always gone out to eat ordering turkey sandwiches off the menu because that was all they could afford. With Sawyer, Thanksgiving had been another day of the week, But now it was a holiday, a real bona fide holiday.

The first half of the day had been spent with Margot and the whole Shephard family. By the end of lunch Kate had had enough hand shaking and smiling to last her a lifetime. But now, they had invited Sayid, Hurley, Claire, and Jin and Sun's family over for dinner.

The house had been finished just in time. It seemed like Jack and Kate had spent every free moment painting, or laying down tile, or hanging shelves. But now it was done and they had their home. The house was bright and inviting, bold warm colors filled each room. The house could be in a home and garden magazine, except for once it had been set up like that Jack had mentioned that Martha Stewart would be proud. At that moment they went around and took away the decorative vases and replaced them with picture frames, sentimental things, and vases of real flowers. Now the house was theirs, anyone that walked in could understand their personalities and realize that two very different people had become one.

Kate was wearing the same black cocktail dress she had worn at the reunion dinner, but this time she had a deep red apron wrapped around her and she took barefoot, her hair slightly askew. Jack had not left her side in the kitchen, even though she told him he could go watch the football game with the boys. He had declined over and over again, this was their first Thanksgiving together and he wanted it to be special.

Kate placed a covered casserole dish onto the preset table. She glanced into the living room and saw Claire sitting on the couch, Sayid in the chair next to it. They were talking quietly. They did not appear to be completely comfortable in each other's presence. But every once and a while Claire would show a little smile. She had told Aaron about the baby a week ago… he had acted well to the news.

Kate was glad for Claire, she really was, but she was also jealous. Very jealous… She and Jack were going to be married on Valentine's Day, that wasn't that far in the future. But she wanted to start having a family now, she wanted to get married tomorrow, she wanted to make up for all the time she had wasted.

Everyone was sitting around the table; Jin and Sun's family took up the end of the table. Sayid and Claire sat with Aaron in between them. Jack and Kate sat next to each other, and Hurley led the table. The food was all set out over the table, but before anyone could divulge themselves Hurley stood up.

"I just want to say that I am Thankful to have all of you in my life, despite that my two roommates have ditched me and now I am lonely, but someday I will forgive them. I want to thank Jack and Kate for opening up their home to us. I want to end my little speech by saying that even though we had to go onto an haunted island to meet each other, I am sure glad we did."

* * *

"Claire?" Sayid asked gently trying to pull her away from the crowd of people in the kitchen. Claire looked at him and blinked twice. He had a feeling that she would just like him to leave her alone. She had told him over the lunch, over course it had been a shocked, why wouldn't it be? He could barely remember the night they had spent together... he was almost embarassed at how this had ended up. "Can I have a word?"

Claire nodded and followed Sayid back into the living room. She sat down on the couch and crossed her arms in front of her. No one knew that her waist had expanded two inches. She couldn't fit into any of her pants and her shirts got tighter day by day. She didn't want anyone else to know... other then Kate and Sayid... well and now Jack. Jack had been able to tell... he hadn't said anything to her, but Kate mentioned it.Claire felt embarassed and irresponsible, but that was not going to stop her from having this baby and giving him or her the best life.

"I was thinking that I could go with you to your doctor appointment with you if you want," Sayid said as if he was a teenagers asking out his secret crush, "You don't have to say yes if you don't want me there. I thought I should just offer the company."

"Um," said Claire thinking. Would she want Sayid there? They weren't married and she had no intention of doing so. But he was the father and this was his first child. Maybe she should let him have some part in this... maybe she could pretend this was happening the right way. "Sure. I have one December 5th... I would like it if you were there."

"Alright," Sayid said standing up. When would this situation become less awkward? He smiled and then walked away. He had offered his hand in marriage because that would be the right thing to do. But who defined what was right and what was wrong? If they could be friends everything would be okay. He wanted to be in the child's life he wanted to be a father, but what if Claire was only intrested in having him around for financial support only. He was confused and frustrated... but they still had six months to figure everything out.

* * *

"I think she is going to marry him," Kate told Jack as she dried a large pot and placed it on the black granite counter top.

"Do you?" Jack asked putting the pot away, "I think that she won't."

"Why?" asked Kate curiously, "I know she is going to need the help, so she might as well marry him so they can get the benefits."

"Claire is only going to marry him if she loves Sayid," Jack said, "And I don't think she does. But Sayid will do whatever she wants; she is carrying the baby after all. I think slowly she is becoming happy about the idea."

"Yeah," Kate said softly. The familiar pang of envy filled her stomach. She turned away from Jack so she wouldn't see it in her eyes. But still, she did not know how, he knew something was wrong.

"Kate?" Jack asked gently putting a hand on her shoulder.

"I don't want to talk about it," answered Kate before she could stop herself. Here was her chance to tell him the truth… and like always she seemed to be running away from it.

"Alright," Jack said letting go. He went back to putting away his dishes.

"I am jealous of Claire," Kate said after a few minutes of painful silence, "There… I admit it. I am jealous of her. She didn't even want to have a baby and she gets too."

"You want to have a baby?" asked Jack with a smile, "Why didn't you just tell me? I told you that I wanted to have a family with you, all you had to say was that you were ready. We are ready now… we have the house…"

"I want to start a family," Kate said feeling releaved. "I really do."

"Why didn't you just come out and say it Kate?" asked Jack gently. He turned Kate and wrapped his arms around. Kate began to laugh and then pushed him away playfully.

"I feel like the biggest dork in the entire world," Kate replied beaming. "Your Mom will kill us if we get pregnant before we are married."

"Her bark is worse then her bite," Jack said softly kissing her. Kate hummed with happiness and relief. Jack took her hand and led her away from their pile of dirty dishes and down the hallways to their master bed room. He closed the door behind them and then kissed her again. "I love you."

"I love it when you said that," Kate whispered holding the sides of Jack's face in his hands.

"I love you," Jack said kissing her again. "I love you." Kiss. "I love you." Kiss.

To be continued...


	21. Kate Impatient

Chapter 21: Kate Impatient

Kate paced around the bathroom. She kept her arms crossed in front of her and she walked out of the room and into the bedroom. She gazed down at the bed and then around the room. Sometimes she found herself surprised that Jack was lying next to her in the morning. It had been almost four months now, but still… she had never felt like this. The thought of starting a family with Jack and living the rest of their lives together made her fill up with pure joy. Jack could see it in her sometimes, the glow that could only come from untainted bliss.

Kate had become impatient, the practical side of her knew that it would take longer then a month for her to become pregnant. But there was the impatient side that seemed to be taking control. She wanted to be pregnant now; she wanted to have a baby now. She wanted to have a family with Jack now. It was all she thought about… she thought about how happy Jack would be…how happy she would be. This was an adventure they could go through together; something that would bring them even closer.

Claire told her that she was insane and that she needed to calm down and just let fate take control. It was hard… to know that you have to wait for a dream to come true. But slowly she had calmed down. She had stopped taking a pregnancy test everyday… she had stopped obsessing; reading every baby and parenting magazine she had been able to get her hands on. Now when it did happen… it would be right. It would be fate.

But now it was time to check. She hadn't taken as test in two weeks. The two weeks of chaos had made her feel silly now. She looked back and realized she had been a spaz. There was no other way to say it. But now… everything seemed to be pointing in the right direction. She was late by three days… that never happened. She felt as if she had a cold and had woken up every morning that week throwing up. According to Claire, not the baby books, those were signs.

Kate had waited until Jack had left for work just incase it was negative. She didn't want him to see the disappointment in her face or eyes. Possibly seeing him disappointed would break her heart. She thought it best to do this alone.

It had been ten minutes now… she wanted to give the test as much time as possible. She wanted to make sure that the test results were correct. Kate walked back into the bathroom. She picked up the test and closed her eyes. She held it in front of her, eyes still closed. She told herself not to be disappointed if the test was negative… Kate opened her eyes.

At the end of the test were two pink lines in a tiny box. Kate blinked quickly three times to make sure that she was not seeing a false reading. She reached madly for the directions. Two pink lines meant that she was pregnant. Kate's heart was pounding. Could this really be happening? She had finally convinced herself that this would take time...weeks...months. And now this? She wanted to believe that this was a correct result… Kate reached underneath the sink into the cabinet and pulled out three more tests. She took them all.

Positive, Positive, Positive.

* * *

Kate handed Jack another ornament. He was standing on a ladder, reaching for the top of the Christmas tree. It was nearly midnight… they had finally been able to leave Margot's annual Christmas Eve Party. It was awkward and crazy. They had to stand by Margot's side as she introduced them to every businessman and woman in the California area. Finally around eleven they were able to sneak out and go home. 

"Done," Jack said walking back down the ladder. Kate smiled at him as she cleaned up the boxes that had contained all the Christmas decorations. "What do you think?"

"I think it's amazing," replied Kate looking up at the twelve-foot tree covered in baubles and lights. This was the first Christmas tree Kate could remember having. When she was little her mother could not afford a Christmas tree. With Sawyer Christmas had been just another day of the year. They would exchange a present and that was it. No Christmas dinner, no family, no friends.

"You seem sad," Jack said concerned.

Kate looked at him and smiled at him. Sad? She was the furthest from sad. She was so happy so excited, but she was holding it in. She wasn't ready to tell him that she was pregnant. She was pregnant. She didn't feel different… not really. She didn't feel as if she had a baby growing inside of her. She just felt as if all her dreams had come true and Jack had been the reason why.

"I'm not sad," Kate said beaming brightly. She wrapped her arms around him. She wanted to tell him so bad, but she knew she had to wait. "Not even close."

The next morning Kate had been awoken by the smell of breakfast. Jack was not trying to be particularly quiet as he prepared a feast for the two of them. Kate got out of bed and wrapped Jack's bathrobe around her. She found Jack sitting at the dining room table with a newspaper. He was waiting until he had to flip the bacon simmering in the frying pan. Kate walked up behind him and wrapped her arms around his neck and then kissed his cheek.

"Hey Baby," Jack said touching her arm gently. "Merry Christmas."

Kate replied and then sat down next to him. As they ate their breakfast together, they did not talk much. Kate was just enjoying this moment. She could not help but think that this time next year they would have a baby; their baby. They would be a family.

"Here," Kate said handing the last present underneath the tree. They had agreed that they would only give each other three gifts and that it could not add up to more then one hundred and fifty dollars. They wanted today to be about each other, not about the gifts. They would be going over to Claire's house for Christmas lunch in a few hours so they savored the few hours they had to be alone. They sat together next to the tree; Jack sat with his legs stretched out in front of himself, Kate across from him, legs to the side.

Jack took the box and slowly unwrapped it. Unlike Kate, he took his time and did not rip the paper to shreds. Kate's heart was hammering within. She watched as Jack pulled a tiny little shirt out of the box. The shirt was yellow with tiny little dinosaurs and turtles all over it. Jack didn't look up at Kate, because there was more. Next Jack drew out a pink shirt with a frilly collar. He was looking at them slightly confused.

"Are you trying to tell me what I think you are?" Jack asked looking up. He had both articles of baby clothing in his hands.

"What do you think I am trying to tell you?" inquired Kate smiling. Jack looked at her and then smiled questioningly. Kate nodded her head and then began to laugh.

Jack had leaned forward towards her. His hands were on her shoulders. He did not speak for a while. There were no words to describe how he was feeling at this moment. As much as Kate had wanted to have a baby… Jack wanted to just as much, maybe more.

"Your pregnant?" Jack asked just to make sure.

"Yes," Kate said her voice reaching a new octave. She laughed at how excited she was. She had known for three days… it had almost driven her insane. "I am."

"How long have you known?" asked Jack suddenly?

"Three days," Kate told him. "I wanted to surprise you."

"You did," Jack told her before he kissed her. He savored the kiss; as much as he loved Kate before… he was pretty sure he had just fell even harder. He did not know how to show how happy he was. Maybe he could jump on their couch madly and yell at the top of his lungs, but he didn't want to scare Kate. "But now I get to surprise you."

"How?" Kate asked pulling away. She tilted her head to the side and shot him an anxious look.

"We are not going over to Claire's for lunch," said Jack checking his watch. He had almost timed this perfectly. "We are going to have some visitors."

"Jack?" Kate demanded looking around madly as Jack got up and walked around the living room. "What is going on? Who is coming?"

"They are here," Jack said looking out of the window. Kate stood up as Jack walked to the door and opened it.

Sam was standing there in a sweater and pants, a suitcase in her hands. She looked healthy and perfect, not like she lived in a children's home with a hundred other children. Sicily was standing there too; in her arms was five and a half month old Jacob, his baby bag slung across her back. Kate was just staring at them. She looked at Jack in awe.

"They need to be back at the shelter by two tomorrow," Sicily said festively to Jack. She gave Kate a smile and then handed Jacob and his bag to Jack.

Kate walked over to Sam and gave her a hug. Sam walked into the house and looked around it in awe. Compared to the ransacked apartment she had grown up, Jack and Kate's house might as well been the White House.

"Go look under the tree," Kate instructed Sam. She and Jack had been planning on visiting Sam tomorrow to give her the presents. But she was here for the day. Kate looked at Jack and shrugged signaling him to explain.

"I thought you would like it if Sam and Jacob got to spend Christmas with us," Jack told her. He had looked into making Sam and Jacob's permanent home with he and Kate, but there were too many laws and too many clauses. But Jack had been able to get permission to have them spend the holiday with them.

"I don't know what to say," Kate said. "Thank you."

"I didn't know what to get you," Jack said honestly, "You never asked for anything."

"That's because you have given me everything I could have ever wanted," Kate said gently caressing the top of Jacob's head. She looked up at Jack and then kissed him. "Merry Christmas babe."

To be continued…


	22. Doubts and Varicose Veins

Chapter 22: Doubts and Varicose Veins

"Oh fuck," Claire said as she read through the baby book. She had taken Kate with her shopping. She had stopped into the bookstore finally deciding that she needed to buy a baby book. She had picked up 'Your Pregnant, Now What?"

"What?" asked Kate walking over to her very obviously pregnant best friend. She was nearly six months pregnant and unless she wore a sweatshirt, it was quite clear that Claire was pregnant. She would no answer any ones questions. When Locke has asked Claire whom she was starting a family with… she had almost bit his head off.

"You want to hear what I get to look forward to this month?" Claire asked with a somewhat bitter laugh.

"I'd love to," Kate said with mingled sarcasm.

"Continued constipation, leg cramps, ankle swelling," Claire said.

"Not that bad," Kate said as she flipped through 'Baby Names from Around the World.'

"I wasn't finished," Claire said with a sharp glare over at Kate, "I also might get varicose veins and oh darn… a more or less difficult orgasm. Well I definitely don't have to worry about the last one"

Kate erupted with laughter and snatched the book away from Claire.

"You have already been through all of this with Aaron haven't you?" Kate asked throwing the book into her basket with about half a dozen others.

"That pregnancy was nice," Claire said sharply, "I felt good. With this baby… I am always tired. I pee constantly, I have gained almost twenty pounds, my ankles are huge… and I am breaking out like a teenager! I am not happy Kate. Don't get me wrong… I want this baby, but I didn't want him like this."

"Him?" Kate asked with curiosity.

"It's a boy," Claire said beaming, "Sayid and I found out yesterday. We are going to name him Harry Sayid Jarrah-Littleton."

"Oh Claire," replied Kate joyfully, "I am so happy for you."

"Thanks," Claire said happily forgetting her frustration only moments ago. "I think Sayid is really excited that the baby is a boy… probably less scary that way. I don't know."

"Most likely," Kate said only half listening. "How are you and Sayid?"

"As like a couple?" Claire asked her face turning a soft pink.

"Yes," clarified Kate with a brief glance up. "As a couple."

"Fine," answered Claire, "I guess. I see him about every other day. Aaron likes him a lot. But that's all."

"Have you thought anymore on his proposal?" asked Kate.

"No," lied Claire. "I haven't thought about it that much."

"Mhmm," Kate hummed fully aware of the lie. "Whatever."

"Shut up," Claire said hitting her in the arm. "Oh did I tell you I saw Sawyer the other day."

"So?" Kate asked in shock, her brow furrowed. "I see, but I don't really care."

"He actually said hi to me," Claire said as Kate walked on ahead of her.

"That's nice," Kate replied harshly. Didn't Claire get that she didn't want to talk about Sawyer? Sawyer was gone. He was the past.

"And asked how you were doing," Claire said quickly. She had obviously left this piece of information last for a reason.

"What did you say?" asked Kate stopping dead in her tracks. "Did you tell him I was pregnant?"

"No," Claire said simply, "I told him you were fine."

"Fine?" Kate asked. She was glad for this simple answer. She was fine. She was better then fine. But she did not want Sawyer to know this. She wanted him to know nothing about her life. She didn't want to hear about him… she didn't want to see him. "Well that's good."

"Kate?" Claire asked feeling regretful, "I didn't want to make you upset… but Sawyer is gone, he isn't coming back."

"I know," Kate said beginning to walk again. She wanted to go home now; home to Jack. "I know."

* * *

"And here is Jack at six months, twelve days," Margot said pointing to a picture of Jack wearing a blue bonnet and little blue suit. To Kate he looked like a very decorative cupcake. "He was such a good little baby. Oh here I am changing his diaper."

"Mom," sighed Jack slouched in a giant arm chair in his mother's apartment. He took his baseball cap and pulled it forward so his eyes were hidden. "Please. I don't think Kate really cares about seeing all these pictures."

"Of course she does honey," replied Margot. "Don't you Kate?"

"Sure," Kate said agreeing with her. They had Margot in a good mood. Kate did not want to discover what Margot was like angry. When they had told her over lunch that Kate was expecting she took it well. Kate was pretty sure it was because they were going to be married in less then a month, but who really knew? This was Margot, the most complex person Kate had ever known.

"I did raise one amazing child," Margot said prideful, "You can't deny that can you? Look at him? So if you two need any help or advice, you can call me at any time. I promise that I will not over step my boundaries of course. And if you and Jack just need some time to yourself you just drop off my little grandbaby and go out to lunch. I am here for you two."

"Thanks," Kate said nodding. She felt a little bit of dread, she had a feeling that Margot was going to be one of those grandparents that spoiled their grandchildren rotten. Kate didn't want to raise her children like that. She wanted them to be normal, no mansions, no summer homes, and no African Safari vacations. But for now, she would just let things go.

She and Jack handled parenthood well, at least she thought so. The day she and Jack had spent with Sam and Jacob had gone perfect. After Sam had opened her and Jacobs gifts they had all gone out to lunch by the beach and then went back to the house. They watched movies and played board games and just did what normal families did. When they had to drop off Sam and Jacob, Sam had cried and cried. It broke Kate's heart to send back these children into the state system, but she had no other choice right now. Jack had been amazing with Sam and Jacob, some of the time, Kate just watched him with them. It made her so happy that she had him, and that he had chosen her. He could have had anyone, any girl from the country club... any girl with the right family, with money, smart, and beautiful, but no... he had chosen her. Kate, normal average, ex-con, Kate.

"Have you thought of any names?" Margot asked suddenly withdrawing Kate from her thoughts. Kate shook her head. She was only 10 weeks pregnant, she wasn't trying to think to far ahead. This was her first child, she wanted it to be memorable, unlike Claire who had only started to enjoy her pregnancy... and it was half over.

"No," Kate said after Margot had frowned.

"Well I am going to give you a copy of the family tree," Margot said, "Maybe you can get some inspiration from there. What do you think Jack?"

Jack didn't answer, his hat was still drawn low over his face. His arms were crossed in front of his black shirt. Margot put down her china cup full of peppermint tea and walked over to Jack. She hit his jean clad knee and Jack jumped.

"What?" asked Jack looking from Kate to Margot and then back. Kate rolled her eyes and smiled.

"Am I boring you?" asked Margot semi-sweetly.

"Yes," Jack admitted with honesty. "A lot."

"Oh Jack," Margot said shaking her head. "There are so many names you can use. Chauncey, Mildred, Prudence, Zachariah... just so may names. The baby should have a name with meaning... just think about it."

"Um no," Jack said shaking his head, "To all of those."

"Make my words Jack," Margot said as she sat back down and flipped the scrapbook to month 7 of Jack's life, "Now... where were we...oh yes, Jack first mumble."

* * *

"Your mom is insane," Kate said as Jack pulled away from the manor. Jack just laughed and shook his head.

"She is just excited," Jack told her.

"Oh no," Kate said, "There is a fine line between excited and insane. Jack! We just spent six hours going through that scrapbook and we only got to your third year of life."

"Alright," said Jack not wanting to argue with Kate.

"I don't know who is more excited then," Kate said with a slightly bitter voice. She crossed her arms in front of her and stared out of the window. She didn't know what was bothering her so much. Maybe because it seemed like Margot wanted to have control of their baby and it's life. Maybe she was overreacting... maybe it was just the hormones. Or maybe it was those insecurities that reappeared every so often. "Margot or us."

"What are you saying?" Jack asked. He pulled over onto the side of the road, right in front of a huge red brick manor home. Kate as starring up at it.

"I don't know," Kate said keeping her eyes on the house. "I really don't."

"What are you worried about?" asked Jack reaching out towards her. Kate looked over at him and shrugged. How could she say what she meant?

"I don't want our baby to grow up like either one of us," Kate said after a long pause. She waited for Jack to react, but he didn't. He was waiting for her to explain. Another thing Kate loved about him, if he was Sawyer he would have already reacted to her... and it most likely would not have been pretty. "I want to do this ourselves. I like your mom, but I don't want her thinking that she gets to raise the baby. She can help of course. Do you know what I am trying to say?"

"Yes," Jack said nodding. "But if you want me to tell her to back off a bit I will."

"I am just saying," Kate said desperately, "You can't even see that I am pregnant... this is just starting. What is she going to be like seven months from now?"

"Babe," Jack said gently, "Don't worry okay? It will be bad for little Prudence."

"Oh fuck no," Kate said laughing. "No Prudence, no Mildred, no what ever the hell she said."

"Okay," Jack said kissing her forehead, "Just don't worry okay. I am going to take care of you... and I will make sure that my Mom doesn't..."

"Become a baby-crazed freak?" Kate offered.

"Yes," Jack said. "Do you trust me on that?"

Kate looked at him, into his eyes. Why did she always have to do that? Looking into his deep hazel eyes made her weak. When he held her in his gaze her knees would go weak and she would believe anything that he told her.

"Yes," Kate replied, "Of course I do."

To be Continued...


	23. Between Your Heart and Mine

Chapter 23: Between Your Heart and Mine

Kate was laying down in her bed, Jack was laying next to her on his side. His fingers were laced through hers, he was slowly twirling her engagement ring around her finger. Kate was wearing a sports bra and a pair of sweat pants. Her stomach was showing... the inch she had gained was not obvious when she laying , but when she told she wasn't used to the bit of skin that jutted out.

"Sorry I have been a bit crazy these last few weeks," Kate whispered not wanted to ruin the moment she and Jack were sharing. "I know I overreacted with your Mom and then at the doctor. I just don't want anything to go wrong. I don't want to lose you."

Jack laugh. Jack was laughing when Kate was trying to be serious. Kate looked away from him and then let out a deep breath. Didn't he have something to say?

"Do you really think because you overreact and become a bit of a spaz at times I am just going to get up and leave?" Jack asked. He actually sounded a bit hurt. Kate sat up quickly and starting ramble on how she didn't mean it like that. Jack covered her lips with a finger, "There isn't anything you could do to make me stop loving you."

"No?" asked Kate. She could think of several things that could make him stop. Things she could never bring herself to do, but still there were things. "Nothing?"

"Not really," Jack said. He smiled at her. Kate laughed and looked away from him. "Look at me."

"No," Kate said her voice full of laughter.

"Why?" inquired Jack reaching over her body. He turned her towards him. Kate looked at him and then exhaled and then bit her lip.

"Why do you look me like that?" she asked him.

"What do you mean?" Jack questioned confused by her.

"You look at me differently now," Kate said softly. "I was just wondering why..."

"I don't know," Jack said tucking a piece of her hair behind her ear. "Well actually I do... but you are going to have to wait until tomorrow to find out."

Jack rolled over and got out of the bed. Kate jumped up quickly and caught his hand.

"Why?" she asked pulling him back towards her. Jack pulled her forward gently so she was kneeling on the bed. He stood right in front her of her, lifted her chin towards him and kissed her gently.

"I'll see you tomorrow," he told her as their lips separated.

"Alright," Kate said secretly wishing he would stay. Their first night apart since she had left Sawyer... but tomorrow would be the start of their life together... as husband and wife.

* * *

Claire was humming to herself, it wasn't the wedding march, but 'You Are My Sunshine'. She walked around Kate, her stomach pertruding greatly. She was wearing a ocean blue blue dress. The dress fell two inches past her knees. The empire waist gently flattered her pregnancy, and the swoop neck showed off the other perk of being pregnant. According to Claire, her new found bosom was the best part... other then the baby of course.

"Are you planning on getting into your dress soon?" Claire asked standing over Kate. Kate was sitting in a chair in the middle of the white silk tent perched on the shore of the beach. Jack would be in an identical tent about a hundred yards away. Kate could here the people brush past the tent as they made their way to their seats. "You are getting married in less the an hour."

"I know!" Kate said exasperatedly. She picked up the notebook she was writing in and waved it in Claire's face. It was blank. "Do you see this? These are my vows!"

"There isn't anything on their," Claire said obviously.

"I know!" Kate said slamming her fist down on the notebook. Sam stood up from her seat on the opposite side of the tent. She was wearing a halter top dress that reached the sand in the same ocean blue color.

"I thought you were working on this a month ago?" Sam asked recalling Kate having the same notebook with her at every single visit.

"I have been working on it for a month," Kate said growing even more frustrated. Her cheeks were flushed pink and the perfect curls Claire had formed in her hair had begun to fall out. "But everything I have written I haven't liked."

"You know anything you come up with and say Jack is going to like," Sam said simply before returning to her seat. Kate looked over at her and Sam gave her a 'yes I do know everything smile'.

"Do you want me to just wing it?" Kate asked her sarcastically.

"Well you can't bring a piece of paper up their with you," said Claire tilting her head to the side. She smiled and took the notebook away from Kate. "So why don't you get ready and then we can worry about this."

"Alright," Kate said nodding.

"I am just fulfilling my maid of honor duties," Claire said. She leaned in to Kate and whispered, "Because I actually get my title this time." Claire laughed as Kate hit her arm. Claire walked out of the tent to find Sun, the other bridesmaid.

As soon as Kate was sure Claire was out of the tent and not coming back for a few minutes, she grabbed the note book off the soft golden sand. She motioned for Sam to come to her. Sam walked over their a confused look on her face.

"You need my help?" Sam asked.

"Apparently you know more about Jack and I then anyone else," Kate offered as a good reason.

"That is true," said Sam, "I deliver the truth, you adults are way to complicated for your own good."

Claire walked back into the tent, Sun at her heels to find Kate fully dressed and ready to go. She was wearing an off white dress that feel slightly past her knees. The top was a fitted halter top that flared out into a flowing skirt with several sheer layers. Around her waist was a cinched ocean blue sash. The dress fitted Kate perfectly. This dress was her style unlike her other wedding dress. She felt comfortable in this dress, but mostly she felt beautiful. Kate hated veils, hated them. Her hair was down, some of the perfect curls were still intact but most of them had found their natural wave. A few stands of hair had been pulled out her face, held back with a white pony tail, a white hibiscus flower stuck into it. Kate had tiny pearl earrings in her hair, the only other jewelry she would be wearing was a simple gold anklet around her foot. She wouldn't be wearing any shoes.

Kate, feeling nervous, peered out of the tent. She looked to the north where the ceremony would be taking place. There were a hundred chairs on either side of the aisle created out of white rose petals, Sam would be throwing pink ones for contrast. At the end of the aisle was an alter standing fifteen feet into the air. It was white and covered in vined roses and blue ribbons. Jack wasn't out there yet, but the orchestra had begun to take their seats.

"Kate?" Claire asked snatching the tiny piece of paper out of her hands. "What is this?"

"Notes," Kate said taking it back. She only wore some eyeliner and soft pink lip gloss. "Just in case. How about you hold them."

"Alright," Claire said tucking them down the front of her dress. Kate raised her eyebrows at her, "Don't worry. They won't go anywhere."

"Kate!" Sun said sticking her head into the tent. "But ummm... Margot wants a word."

"Okay," Kate said motioning for Claire and Sam to leave the tent. As they did Margot entered the tent, she was wearing a soft yellow beaded dress and a white hibiscus corsage. "Hi."

"Hello dear," Margot said circling around her. "You look lovely."

"Thanks," Kate said nervously. If her heart had been pounding before...now it was thumping.

"You don't have children yet," Margot said giving a glance to Kate's stomach, "So you don't know what it is like to give away your heart completely. Jack's first marriage, I did not attend because I did not like her for one and two because I wasn't quite ready to give away my son. But now I look at you and I look at him. And finally I found the one woman who is worthy to take my place."

Kate was speechless. What was she supposed to say to this? Should she say thank you? But before she could decided Margot was gone and Kate was left alone in the tent.

Oh how this wedding was different. Kate sat down and thought about everything she had been throw. All of the years she had spent with Sawyer. All of the dreams she thought she had wanted. All the false hopes he had given her. She remembered the day that she had seen Jack for the first time... at the hospital... she remembered it as if it was yesterday. She had known at that very moment that her life was about to change. But she never imagined herself here. About nine months later, pregnant with Jack's baby... about to marry him. She was so happy and so in love. It seemed like she was dreaming, but she had never been able to imagine something this good. How was she going to tell Jack all this? How could her vows ever convey the feelings she had for him. How could she ever thank him for saving her and helping her become the person she wanted to be?

"Kate," Sun poked her head through the opening in the tent. "It's time."

Kate nodded and walked out of the tent into the midday sunlight.

The sun would fully set in about two hours, but the beginning to it had cast a slightly orange glow across the beach. There were no other people in sight, just Claire, Sun, and Sam. Sam took Kate's hand and gave it a quick squeeze. Kate wasn't dreading the long walk down the aisle towards Jack, but she was nervous still.

The music started and out of no where Sayid and Hurley appeared. They walked around the tent and out of sight. Kate went back into her tent, she would come out the other side and into the view of all 200 people. The orchestra played Canon in D as Sun and Sayid walked together and then Hurley, the best man, and Claire the maid of honor, made their way. The music hit the climax as Sam walked down sending pink petals in all directions, she smiled at Jack as she made her way to stand in front of Claire.

Kate waited for her song. She hated the wedding march with a passion it had only bad memories for her. It had taken her weeks to find a song worthy of her and Jack and their story. But finally she had found it. She now had to wait for it to begin. Then she would start her journey.

_Stay with me,  
My love I hope you'll always be  
Right here by my side if ever I needed you  
Oh my love  
In your arms,  
I feel so safe and so secure  
Everyday is such a perfect day to spend  
Alone with you  
I will follow you will you follow me  
All the days and nights that we know will be  
I will stay with you will you stay with me  
Just one single tear in each passing year  
With the dark,_

_I see so very clearly now  
All my fears are drifting by me so slowly now  
Fading away  
I can say  
The night is long but you are here  
Close at hand I'm better for the smile you give  
And while I live  
I will follow you will you follow me  
All the days and nights that we know will be  
I will stay with you will you stay with me  
Just one single tear in each passing year there will be  
I will follow you ..._

Kate had made it down the aisle without looking at anyone else. She had kept her eyes focused on Jack. He was wearing a pair of khaki pants and a blue and white Hawaiian shirt, the first three buttons left open. She reached him and as he reached out for her, Kate couldn't help by smile. As she took his hand all nerves left her body and it was only she and Jack on that entire beach. She didn't hear what the minister was saying. She drowned him out, she was too busy looking at Jack. He was giving her that look again. It was time for Jack's vows. Kate drew in a deep breath. She had no idea what he was going to say.

"Kate," Jack began. Kate looked away and then back at him. She felt her eyes swell up with tears and he hadn't even started yet. "Yesterday you asked me why I look at you the way I do. I told you that you would have to wait, and now I can finally tell you. You are the greatest person I have ever know. There are no words to describe the way you touched my life and changed me as a person. I look at you the way I do because I love you and I don't want to spend other moment of my life without you by my side."

Kate was crying, she couldn't help it now. The tears were running down her cheeks faster then she could wipe them away. Jack stepped towards her and gently wiped them away. She wanted to kiss him so bad, but she had to wait, and now it was her turn. Now she was going to freak out. She turned towards Claire as the minister said it was her turn. Claire looked down her dress and then bit her lip. Kate's eyes widened in horror as Claire pointed down her dress.

"My vow are down Claire's dress," Kate announced louder then she had meant too. Everyone erupted in laughter. Kate smiled nervously and then sighed. Alright, she could do this. What did she want everyone to know about Jack? Um... maybe that he was amazing.

"Well," Kate said kind of casually, "I had some really amazing stuff written down, but now that it is lost.. I will have just have to talk from my heart. Jack... you are the... I can't even tell you what you mean to me or what you have done for me. You took a lost confused woman and within a matter of weeks I knew what I wanted and who I wanted to be. I can never thank you for doing that. I love you so much... and there is no way I could ever describe how you make me feel. So I hope I love you will do."

Jack was blushing. Kate felt as if she could melt right into the the sand. She had done it, she knew that she had said what she had need to. Jack knew how she felt. It had taken so long for her to realize that it didn't matter how she said it or if she sounded like a mumbling idiot... as long as she spoke from the heart nothing else mattered.

Kate drowned out the minister again, she was a zombie as Jack put another ring onto her finger, and she put a simple silver band around his. She didn't listen to a word that man said about everlasting bond of matrioney. He couldn't possibly understand what Jack and Kate had. How long it had taken them to realize that they were supposed to be together.

"You may now kiss the bride."

God, it had taken that man long enough to get to that line.

Kate smiled before Jack swept her up into the best kiss she had ever experienced in her life. She didn't want to let go of him. She could hear clapping and cheering, but she remained focused on the man before her. Her husband. Finally, after all this time. Their hearts had always belonged to one another, but now they had the piece of paper and the ceremony to prove it. And if anyone had any doubts about the feelings they had for one another...all they had to do was listen to their song.

_It's amazing how you can speak right to my heart  
Without saying a word you can light up the dark  
Try as I may I can never explain  
What I hear when you don't say a thing_

_The smile on your face let's me know that you need me  
There's a truth in your eyes saying you'll never leave me  
The touch of your hand says you'll catch me wherever I fall  
You say it best, when you say nothing at all_

_All day long I can hear people talking out loud (oh…)  
But when you hold me near (oh, hold me near)  
You drown out the crowd (drown out crowd)  
Try as they may, they can never define  
What's been said between your heart and mine_

_The smile on your face let me know that you need me  
There's a truth in your eyes saying you'll never leave me  
The touch of your hand says you'll catch me wherever I fall  
You say it best, when you say nothing at all…oh_

_Oh, the smile on your face let's I know that you need me  
There's a truth in your eyes saying you'll never leave me  
The touch of your hand says you'll catch me wherever I fall  
You say it best, when you say nothing at all_

To be continued...


	24. Scenarios

**A/N: I know the lemon is a bit lame, but I just want to say... no worries. Plenty more chapters to come. :D**

Chapter 24: Scenarios

Kate stood alone in the patio doorway, wearing only a white terry cloth bathrobe. Her bare feet were touching the cold wood floor; it sent chills up her spine. She looked out towards the ocean. The sun was rising over the water casting a bright orange and yellow glow over the gray water. Kate hadn't planned on getting up this early, but when she had opened her eyes and found this scenery on the other side of the window, she had no choice but to admire it. The door was open allowing the salty breeze to send her flying in all directions. She heard Jack's footsteps come closer, until they stopped and she could sense him behind her. Jack reached forward and put an arm around her waist. He put his hand on her stomach that had seemed to grow at least an inch during the first seven days of their honeymoon. He took a step closer and Kate put her hand over his. She closed her eyes and savored the moment they were sharing together.

Kate laced her fingers through his and then turned around. Their eyes met for half a second before Kate started to lead him away from the door and back towards the bedroom. Kate closed the door behind them and then turned to Jack. She reached her arms up and put them around his neck before she kissed him deeply. Jack returned the kiss instantly and automatically their tongues found each other and began to dance passionately.

Jack pressed his body against Kate's and backed them up against the wall. He untied the front of Kate's bathrobe and let it fall open. He didn't break the kisses to look at her naked body in front of him. He had memorized every curve, not a single blemish. He knew Kate felt slight self-conscious of her growing stomach, but he found it beautiful.

He caressed every inch of her soft skin he could find before resting his hand on her breast. Kate let out a moan, muffled by their kiss. Jack began to tease her nipple until it became hard and then he moved onto the other. Kate reached down underneath the elastic band of Jack's boxer shorts. She began to stroke him over and over again, feeling him grow hard underneath her fingertips. Jack moaned her name and broke away from her lips finally…he couldn't stand it any longer.

Kate moved her arms back so her bathrobe could fall off her arms. Jack began to kiss her again and together they fell onto the bed. The room was fully lit with the new day sunshine. Neither of them took notice, Jack's kisses had moved down Kate's body, first to her neck…collarbone…down her chest. He settled on her breast. He smothered it in soft kisses. Kate moaned loudly as he began to suck on her nipple. Kate pressed her self against Jack's errection. He felt the heat that she was creating as she rocked back and forth against it, egging him on. Kate gently pulled down his boxers and then her legs spread apart inviting him in. Jack settled himself between them and then kissed Kate gently on the lips.

He trust into her. They moaned together as he pulled out and trust again, again, and again. Once in deep he held himself there and then together, they reached the climax. They fell apart, Kate sighed with happiness as Jack wrapped his arms protectively around her. He kissed the top of her head and took in the flowery scent of her hair. A few hours more of sleep should suffice.

* * *

Kate laughed as she ran away from Jack. The short afternoon walk they had decided to take had turned into a jog and now a run. Jack was on her heels; if Kate wasn't pregnant Jack knew that she could give him a run for his money, no pun intended.

"Hey," He said as she instantly began to walk again, "Next time your going to break into a instant run let me know."

"Alright," Kate said breathing quick deep breaths. She turned around and began walking backwards so she could face Jack. He was wearing a blue sleeveless shirt and a pair of black swimming trunks. Kate was wearing a pair of short bikini shorts and a periwinkle tank top that clung to her stomach.

Kate gave Jack a smile and then quickly counted to three. She turned around and in an instant her was running down the beach, the sand being kicked up as her bare feet dug into it. Jack took off after her and once he was at her side he began to pick up the pace so he would beat her. He was a few feet in front of her when she yelled after him.

"Hey cut me some slack won't you," Kate said behind him. Jack sighed and then began to slow down. Kate caught up to him and then ran side by side him for a few seconds. Suddenly she was laughing, calling him a sucker and then took off like a speeding bullet. Jack sighed, if she wanted to play this game, she would lose. He took as well; as he reached her he prepared himself for the ultimate take down. It took every muscle in his body to make him speed up, he was catching up to her and then he was in front. He gave her a triumphant look at he sped off down the beach receiving several odd looks from the other vacationers. Unexpectedly Jack felt something slam on top of him, it took him a second to realize that Kate had just jumped onto his back. Her legs wrapped around his waist as he slowed down and began to walk slowly trying to catch his breath.

"The island's beach was never this much fun," Kate said. She quickly became silent realizing that it could have been fun, but she had been with the wrong man. "But…" She was trying to think of something to say.

"I'm surprised the hospital gave me this much time off," Jack said changing the subject. Did he care that Kate had been with Sawyer on the island? No. Because she was with him now, not Sawyer.

"Of course they did," replied Kate feeling grateful that Jack always knew when to make her insecurities go away, "They would do anything for their best surgeon."

"I'm not the best," Jack told her.

"I think you are," Kate said playfully, "And that's all that really matters."

Jack laughed as Kate jumped off his back. She took his hand and kissed him quickly. This had been perfect. If she could have imagined a perfect honeymoon this was it. Just she and Jack in Northern California enjoying a beach home on their own private beach for ten days. She had chosen somewhere they could drive too in less then twenty-four hours. She still hadn't gotten over her fear of flying.

"I wonder if Delilah is driving Claire up a wall," Jack said.

"Most likely," assumed Kate with a laugh, "She hates Claire."

Jack laughed as he let go of Kate's hand and put his arm around her shoulders. Kate let her hand fall and rest gently on the edge of her shorts. She could feel the inches her waist had expanded. She felt herself become indulged with ultimate happiness. She had almost cried when she got to sign a credit card bill… her name paired with Jack's last name. He was hers… finally. The vows had promised them each other for eternity. And the baby just made everything even more exciting. She felt as if the next six months would move slowly, time just building on each other, but in the end it would be worth the wait.

"Race me back to the house?" Jack asked. "I'll even give you a head start."

"Oh please," Kate said, "You know I don't need it."

Jack smiled and then counted to three. At three the turned around and began to run back towards their house. They ran and ran until they reached the wood and brick path that led to the patio of the beach house. Jack was winning he ran up to the door first. He didn't say anything at first and just looked at it. Kate caught up with him, when he didn't boast about winning she asked him what was going on.

"Sicily called us," Jack said as he peeled off the note from the door of their beach house, "Seven times."

Jack and Kate had both left their cell phones at home and then disconnected the phone in the beach home.

Kate did not reply. She sat down at the oak dining table and rested her chin in her hands. Through her mind she ran through all the scenarios why Sicily could be calling them repeatedly…none of them were good. Kate looked over at Jack, he was leaning against the countertop, arms folded in front of him. He was waiting for her to give him some direction. Kate met his eyes, he looked worried. He couldn't hide it from her.

"Call her back," Kate said softly, "I need to know what's wrong."

"It might not be something wrong," Jack said. He knew what he said was wrong. But he didn't want Kate to freak out. If something was wrong with Sam or Jacob, he didn't know what she would do.

"Jack," said Kate desperately. Jack nodded and walked out of the room. He went to the bedroom to plug in the phone and call Sicily.

Kate stood up unable to sit down and just wait patiently. She walked across the room and back again. Again she ran through all the scenarios… when she thought of death she became weak, she felt as if her knees would give out and she would collapse onto the floor.

"Kate," Jack said walking back into the room. Kate looked at him. He didn't look good. He wasn't smiling, but he wasn't crying either. "Sit down."

"No," Kate said softly but defiantly. She shook her head when she spoke. She looked insane. She just needed to know what was going on. "Just tell me. Is she dead? Is Jacob dead?"

"No," Jack said.

"Is Sam alright?" Kate asked. Jack looked away from her. Kate had gotten her answer. She sat down on the couch and looked up at Jack. Why wouldn't he look at her? "Is she dying?"

"Yes," answered Jack. He walked forward and sat down on the coffee table in front of her. He reached forward and took Kate's hand. Kate wiped underneath her eyes with her free hand. She sighed deeply… she wouldn't cry. Not yet. "If we flew we could be home in an hour or two."

"I ca—", Kate cut off and then looked at Jack. She was about to tell she 'I can't'. How selfish could she be? Sam was alone in the hospital dying and she wouldn't fly on a plane to go to her. "Alright."

"I'll book the flight," Jack said standing up. He kissed the top of Kate's head and whispered, "It'll be okay."

As Jack walked out of the room, a single tear fell onto Kate's cheek. Deep in her heart she knew that it wouldn't be okay.

To be continued…


	25. Sitting and Waiting

Chapter 25: Sitting and Waiting

Kate walked behind Jack, three or four steps behind. She only comprehended bits and pieces of what the doctor was telling Jack. Once she had heard the word terminal, she didn't need to here more.

The plane ride hadn't been as bad as she thought. For most of it she felt numb; numb and scared. She had clung to Jack the entire time. She clung to his arm resting her head on his shoulder. He never complained once and just let her cry, sleep, and sigh. She knew if her thoughts had actually been on the flight she would have had a panic attack, but no... she had just been one big emotional breakdown.

"The child has developed and infection around her heart, it started on the edges, arteries and veins mostly and is now spreading towards her heart. Her valve has just been infected. The way their infection is moving, I can't give her more then a week. The AIDS had made this practically impossible for her to beat. If she was a healthy child we could perform a heart transplant, but obviously we cannot."

Kate wanted to punch the doctor. He talked so casually to Jack. Jack kept looking back at her as if he was expecting her to pass out. Didn't this doctor realize that Jack and Kate were practically Sam's parents? They were all she had. She wanted to scream and yell in anger. But she couldn't… for now she had to stay strong.

"Kate! Jack!" Sicily called rounding the corner. The doctor walked away as they met up with Sicily. She looked over at Jack and then at Kate.

"Room 237," she told Kate.

Kate looked over at Jack; he nodded telling her to go on without him. Kate couldn't do this alone. She couldn't go into that room and see her little girl hooked up to all those machines. It wasn't fair.

Kate walked into the room and found it completely bare. There were no flowers or 'Get Well Soon' balloons. There was just a little girl curled up in huge bed with a blue blanket. She had several wires hooked to her chest, there seemed to be IVs hooked up to every part of her. The room was dark and the only sound that was made came from the machines. They beep in rhythm. Kate took another step forward. On the table next to the bed was the Harry Potter book Kate had begun reading to her. They had made it to the end of the series.

"Sam?" Kate whispered gently as she sat down in the chair next to the bed. Sam moved in her bed, next thing Kate knew the little girl was looking at her a bright smile on her face.

"What took you so long?" she joked. She tried to laugh, but she coughed and coughed. Tears of pain filled her eyes. She wanted Kate to look away. She didn't want to seem so weak to her. "How is the baby?"

"Fine," Kate said. She had told Sam about her pregnancy Christmas Day. She had been the second person to find out… she had even known before Claire. Kate had opened her mouth to ask Sam how she was. But what would she say? She had no words.

"I am sorry I am sick," Sam said quickly. Kate looked at her and then reached for her hand. She placed her atop Sam's. Sam held her hand for dear life. "I just can't fight anymore. I am so tired."

"Baby don't apologize," Kate said leaning forward in her chair. She brushed the auburn hair out of Sam's face. "I am so proud of you for fighting this long. I am going to be here for you… I won't leave you."

"You will be the first," Sam said struggling to keep her eyes open.

"Sleep," said Kate in a motherly voice. "I'll be here when you wake up."

* * *

Sam was sleeping soundly now. Kate had worried that she would wake the little girl if she moved around too much. But she didn't. Even once and a while she would look over to make sure she was still sleeping even though she knew if she wasn't one of the machines would go off. Kate didn't know what to do. She had tried sleeping on the couch across from the bed. But fear wouldn't let her it.

Jack poked his head into the room. Kate looked over at him and then ran into his arms. She felt calm as he wrapped his arms around him. Here she felt as if nothing was wrong in the world. As if Jack could save her… could stop anything bad from happening.

"I have been talking to ever cardiologist I know," he told her as they sat down together. "And babe, there is nothing we can do."

"Nothing?" asked Kate. She knew that if Jack told her there was nothing then there really was anything. This was the end. She would have to try and accept that. "So we just have to sit here… and wait?"

"Yes," Jack said delicately. He watched as Kate's heart broke and the tears filled her eyes.

"Will you stay with me?" Kate asked. "I don't want to leave the hospital."

"We have our suitcases in the car," Jack told her, "And of course I will stay."

"I can't do this alone," replied Kate weakly.

"You will never be alone," Jack promised.

Kate took the pillow from the edge of the couch and placed it in Jack's lap. She then lay down and tried to get some sleep. She clung to his hand and knew as long as he was there she could do this. She could sit here and watch Sam die… but she didn't know if she could say goodbye.

To be continued…


	26. Don't Forget Me

A/N: This is a disclaimer. I don't own Harry Potter. That's pretty much it. : D 

Chapter 26: Don't Forget Me

If Kate wanted to imagine hell… she would picture this. This hospital and the way she had to watch Sam slowly become weaker and weaker. She had made sure that the child had received enough medication so she felt no pain. Kate and Jack sat in that room every moment of everyday for the last week. Kate had practically bought the entire gift shop. She filled the room with teddy bears and fresh flowers. The balloons had lost most of their helium and now were lying all over the tile floor. Sam had loved the room so much when she had woken up. She had gone on and on about it.

She and Kate had talked about everything. They talked about the baby and some names that Jack and Kate had picked out. Kate read her Harry Potter and People Magazine. Sicily would stop in every other day to check on Sam. Sam got tired so easily and every day she spent less and less time awake.

And now… she wasn't awake. Sam had fallen into a coma the night before. Kate had been reading to her when it had happened. She had called for Jack who had been at the vending machine. By the time the doctors had come, Kate had been pushed out of the room. When she had returned she found Sam hooked up to life support. Kate had cried at the girl's side. She wasn't ready for this…

_"Do you know what would have be cool?" Sam asked Kate. She had interrupted Kate again in the middle of her reading. Kate closed the book and asked her what could be so cool. Cooler then reading Harry Potter. "If I could have seen your baby."_

_Kate was speechless. There had been several times in the last week when Sam's words had made her like that. It frustrated her, why couldn't she find something to say? How could she ever tell Sam how much she meant to her, part of her knew that Sam knew… but still, hearing the words… would be different. _

_"Maybe I could be her guardian angel," Sam said. She seemed to accepting of that fact that she was going to die. She had told Kate that she wanted her to keep her blue backpack… it contained everything she owned. _

_"You think the baby is a girl?" Kate asked. _

"_Yes," Sam said positively. "I am one-hundred percent sure. Kate do you still promise to adopt Jacob?"_

_"Yes," answered Kate. She didn't have the heart to tell Sam how hard it would be for her to do it. But she would try. She would try her hardest. "I promise I will do everything I can to adopt him."_

_"Thanks," Sam said her eyes beginning to close. She was only able to talk for fifteen minutes at a time. And when she did speak she spoke so slow and annunciated. "I love you Kate. Thank you for agreeing to come with Jack to the clinic."_

_"I love you too baby," Kate said softly. _

"_Don't forget about me okay?" Sam said her eyes closed. Her mouth had barely moved. _

_"Never," said Kate. _

Kate opened her eyes and looked at the Sam who lay in front of her. She was lying straight up on her back. Even more IVS and machines were hooked up to her. To the left was the large life support machine breathing for her. Kate knew that Sam was gone; her soul was gone. What was left was Sam's shell… but Kate wasn't ready to let her go… even if it was in her control.

"Kate?" Jack asked her curiously. She hadn't left Sam's room in a week. The room had a bathroom and Jack would be the one to run for food. But here was Kate in the cafeteria. She looked bad. Of once Jack would admit that, she had deep purple bags underneath her eyes, she wore a pair of gray sweatpants with a sweatshirt of Jack's.

"I'm hungry," Kate told him filling a try with food.

Ten minutes later Kate and Jack were walking back to the room, food trays in hand. They had gotten special permission to do this. They knew most of the staff in the cafeteria. They weren't at Cedars Sinai, but still some to the doctors knew Jack.

"Kate," Jack stopped her from going into the room. Kate raised her eyebrows anticipating his question. "I think it may be time to take Sam off the life support machine."

"No," replied Kate simply, "I don't think so."

"Why?" asked Jack sounding frustrated. "There is nothing we can do help her. She is dead anyway… we are just keeping her alive because we are selfish and don't want to say goodbye. It is not fair to her."

"I don't think so," Kate said shaking her head from side to side.

"She isn't in any pain," Jack explained desperately, "I promise you that she isn't in pain… and if we took her off the machine she wouldn't be in pain either. Sweetheart… think about it."

"I can't," Kate, said her hands shaking. "I can't think about it."

"Stop being selfish Kate," snapped Jack. Kate's eyes flickered angrily. She looked up at him and then walked into Sam's room. Sam was alone of course, Kate had actually expected Sam's biological mother to show up. According to Sicily she had tried to get into contact with her, but hadn't been able to. There was even a rumor that she might be dead.

"Kate," Jack said putting his tray down on the table. "Look at her…"

"Stop it!" yelled Kate loudly. "Stop it Jack! Please."

"Why are you doing this?" Jack asked gripping the edge of the table. "You are not thinking about Sam… if she could talk what do you think she would ask you to do?"

"She---" said Kate her voice drifting off. She looked over at Sam. Her eyes filled up with tears. They ran down her face like a waterfall. Jack took a step forward to comfort her. "My heart is breaking. She's my little girl… I can't let her down like this. I was supposed to protect her."

"We did our best," Jack told her. "But we aren't God, Kate, there are some things we can't control. We just have to let it happen."

"No!" said Kate snapping. For a week the emotions had been building, building, and building. And now they were crashing down all around her. Kate slammed her tray down on the table sending soup and salad into the air. "I can't do this! I can't just let go and give up. It wasn't supposed to end like this. I can't take her off life support… I just can't Jack. Why don't you understand that?"

"I don't because you are not thinking straight," Jack explained. His voice was firm. "Do you think that it doesn't hurt me to see her like that?"

"Oh I am sorry I can't hide my emotions like you!" Kate snapped, "I am sorry I can't be strong like you Jack. But it doesn't make me selfish."

"You haven't listened to a thing I said!" replied Jack harshly. His voice was cold and bitter, a tone Kate had never heard before, "Think about it Kate and then talk to me."

Jack picked up his tray of food and then walked out of the room. Kate covered her mouth with her hands and then let her knees collapse. She fell to her knees; they slammed into the hard tile floor. Kate ignored the pain in both her legs. Jack had left her, he had walked out on her and now she felt scared and alone. He wasn't there now to make her feel safe, to ignore the pain she felt. She was shaking, rocking back and forth on the floor. No nurse came in to see what the racket had been. Did no one care? Did no one else care about the eleven year old girl dying in this room? Had the world become so cold?

Kate stood up and walked over to the side of Sam's bed. She gently touched the hairs on Sam's head. She looked at her pale white skin, she already looked dead. Slowly her chest would rise in fall as if there was balloon in there being blown up and then deflated.

She was being selfish and it had taken her this long to realize it. She was clinging to what hope she had left. Seeing an alive body made Kate think that there was some chance Sam would sit up and tell her this was all a joke. She wasn't dying, she wasn't gone, and she was going to become apart of Kate's family. But no… this was reality. Sam was dying… Kate sat down and let the tears fall again. She missed Sam, she missed the memories…

How could this be fair? There were murderers and rapists all over the world that would get to live long lives, but there was a little girl in California who would never have her sweet sixteen or never get married. Why did things like that happen?

Kate reached out and touched Sam's hand; it was as cold as ice. Kate closed her eyes. She prayed that when Sam went she would be greeted by the angels she so often talked about. She hoped she wouldn't be scared… Kate was scared…but Kate was never as brave as Sam.

Maybe God did this on purpose… maybe he brought people into your life only for a short time to teach you a great lesson. What had Sam taught Kate? Never take life for granted… and to live each day like was your last. How could an eleven year old teach a thirty-something woman this? She might never know… but what important was that she had learned it and now was able to say goodbye.

Kate sat down and put her face in her hands, there were no tears, but deep breaths… slowly she stood up and lowered her hands. Kate bent over Sam's body and kissed her forehead.

"Goodbye Baby," Kate said. She gave Sam another maternal look and then walked out of the room.

* * *

Kate walked down the hallway to where Jack's office was. The office was one of his perks for being chief surgeon. Kate could see through the door with its open blinds that Jack was reading something. She could see the bookshelf behind him. There was a picture of them at the beach. Claire had taken the picture because she 'had never seen such a happy couple before in her life.' Kate stared at the picture, they did look happy. Very happy, as if nothing in the world could take them from this blissful life. Next to that picture was a picture of Delilah. Kate had put that one up as a joke. Kate felt a knot in her stomach as she looked at the picture of Jack and her with Sam and Jacob from Christmas.

Kate opened the door and stood in the doorway. Jack looked up at her and closed his book. He just looked at her, he didn't say anything or make a facial expression.

"You left me," Kate told him. Her voice was weak and it sounded like it hadn't been used in weeks. Jack stood up and walked over to her. He didn't come to close. Kate wanted to cry… but she also wanted to punch. If he would just hold her in his arms… "Fuck Jack, why is this happening?"

"Because life can be a bitch," Jack told her. Kate laughed, a real laugh, not a fake laugh to make him think that she was all right, but a real laugh. A genuine laugh, a laugh that told him she was going to get through this, that they were going to get through this.

"Why did you leave me?" asked Kate walking forward so she was a close as she could be without actually making contact with him.

"I don't know," replied Jack softly. He reached up and tucked a few stray hairs behind her ears, "I am sorry."

Kate nodded and waited for him. Jack opened up his arms and Kate did not hesitant to fly into them. She rested her head on his shoulder and waited for him to console her with some words that made him seem immortal.

"I'm sorry I said all those things," Kate apologized, "Like about you and me and emotions. It was my emotions speaking… not my head… or my heart."

"I know," Jack said rubbing her back.

"I said goodbye Jack," she said after a few moments of silence.

"Alright," Jack said. He paused unsure what to say next.

"I promised Sam that we would adopt Jacob," Kate said pulling away from him. She looked at him and waited. Jack nodded in understand.

"Okay," he said, "We will."

Kate flung her arms back around him. For some reason she thought of Sawyer and the fact that he could never handle something like this. But here was Jack… hiding his emotions… she knew he had been crying, his eyes were bloodshot, he was being strong for her. Despite what she had said to him earlier… if he wasn't the strong one she couldn't be the emotional one. Maybe that was why they were soul mates… what one needed the other one had. Jack was her rock, Jack was her everything.

* * *

Sam was dead. Kate had sat by the edge of the bed, Jack right next to her, his arm around her holding onto her shoulder. They had watched as Sam's stomach rose slower and slower. Finally she drew in one last breath and was still. Kate cried silent tears, as well as Jack. The doctor had left them alone in the room. The sun was setting, but no one bothered to turn on a light. Kate wasn't sure how long they sat there, but when Jack had left the room to call Sicily it had become pitch black. The nurse had come in and told them the coroner wanted the body.

"Give me fifteen minutes," Kate said as she spotted the unfinished Harry Potter book on the edge of the bed. Kate picked it up and opened to one of the last pages and read. Sam would have been mad if she hadn't finished it.

'Autumn seemed to arrive suddenly that year. The morning of the first of September was crisp and golden as an apple, and as the little family bobbed across the rumbling road toward…'

Kate read on and on, doing the voices like she always did. Sam had demanded that she do voices. Kate was horrible at them, but still she did them anyway, because… she guessed that is what a parent would do. She continued to read, even as Jack walked back into the room and sat down. He put his hand on her knee and just listened to her voice, strong and confident. Kate flipped to the last page. Tonight would be the end of two stories. One of Harry Potter, the other of Samantha Reynolds.

'The scar had not pained Harry for nineteen years. All was well.'

Kate closed the book and leaned her head over onto Jack's shoulder. They watched as the nurse came and put the white sheet over Sam's lifeless body and wheeled her out of the room. Kate held the book to her chest. A piece of hot pink baby caught Jack's eyes and he pulled it from the pages.

"What is it?" asked Kate lifting her head.

"I think it's a letter," he told her opening the undressed envelope. "It's to God."

"Read it to me," Kate said softly. "Please."

Jack drew in a deep breath a read.

"Dear God. It's Sam, I am eleven years old and I have red hair and hazel eyes, which I think are really green, but Kate disagrees, so does Jack. He says they are hazel too, so they probably are. He knows everything. I don't really know why I am writing you a letter because sometimes I feel like you don't care about me or really know who I am. But anyway, I am writing you now because they tell me I am going to die and I want to know why. I wanted to know why I have to die now when I finally have found people who care about me. Now I am thinking that maybe that was the only reason I kept on living. Maybe I had found my one goal in my life and now it was time for me to go. I don't know, but I want you to take care of Jack and Kate, because they are the best people I have ever known and I love them to pieces. I want them to have Jacob and treat him like he was their son. I know he likes them a lot so give him to them, please. I know Kate doesn't need protection, because she has Jack… so protect Jack because if a scary monster was to come… I am not sure Kate would win, especially now since she is pregnant. Oh… and let their baby be healthy and live a long life. I hope they tell her about me and how cool of a big sister I would have been. I have already decided that I am going to be her guardian angel, so you will have to deal with that. Well… I think that is it. I don't know if you can bring stuff with you when you die, but just in case I can't, it's in my Harry Potter book, so you can come and get it yourself.

Love,

Samantha Renee Reynolds (Sam)

P.S. When I get up there, you need to tell me why you created broccoli, because it's gross.

-Sam

To be continued…


	27. Lillies

Chapter 27: Lillies

The funeral was outside. This winter had been surprisingly warm, it had made for a perfect wedding in February, now that is was March, and it almost seemed like May. Few were in attendance; Jack and Kate stood to the left of the minister, the same man who had married them. They were both in all black; Kate wore large black sunglasses to hide the tears she cried from everyone. She was in black from her glove covered fingers to the boots she wore. Jack was wearing a black suit with a pink tie, Sam's favorite color. He kept he fingers tightly intertwined with Kate's. It was almost as if he was holding her up.

On the other side of the minister was Sicily, also in all black. She wore a straight black dress with matching shawl. Claire and Sayid were there for moral support. If Claire thought her loosely fit black dress could hide her seven-month stomach, she was very wrong. Sayid had his arm around her, if Kate was in a better mood she was have inquired about it, but right now she wasn't in the mood to gossip.

The minister would not shut up about what a shame it was that Sam had been taken away from this earth at such a young age… how it was a shame that her mother had bestowed the AIDS curse upon her daughter. Kate could punch him, was he like that jackass doctor? Did he not understand that Sam may have been a foster child, she may have had AIDS, and she was poor, but that didn't mean she wasn't loved and that didn't mean she wasn't missed.

Kate had opted out of saying anything. She didn't expect anyone to understand what she and Jack felt, the deep lose that cut deep. The emotions that they felt. The ones that kept them up all night, unable to sleep, unable to eat. Being on the island had exposed them to death; death was around every corner out there. But here… Kate hadn't been prepared for it. If she didn't have Jack and their baby… and the knowledge that tomorrow would be a better day, Kate wouldn't be able to keep going.

It had been getting easier. Kate knew that Sam no longer felt any pain; she didn't have to have shots daily, she didn't have to live with the knowledge that she was different and there was nothing she could do to stop the virus from killing her. She was free and she was happy.

"Amen," Kate looked up at the minister as he spoke his last word. Kate took the red rose she had in her hands and placed it a top the small mahogany coffin that stood in front of her. She didn't want to watch it be lowered into the ground, she walked away from Jack, she need to leave this place.

"Kate," Kate stopped as Sicily's voice called after her. She waited for the woman to walk up the cobblestone path towards her. Jack was at her heals. "I need to talk to you about your request to adopt Jacob."

"What about it?" asked Kate.

"I don't know if you realize how much it is going to take to get him into your care," Sicily said professionally. "We do know that his mother is dead, but his father…"

"He is dead too," Kate told her matter-of-factly, "Sam told me the first day I met her."

"Well then," Sicily said, "You see the state doesn't like adopting out children with HIV. It is almost like they fear the parents getting the virus and suing them."

"Well I have no intention of suing anyone," Kate said looking past Sicily towards Sam's grave, "I don't care what it takes, we want to adopt him. It doesn't matter what it costs or what we have to do. I made a promise to Sam and Jack made a promise to me. Jacob might as well be our already. That's all I really have to say about it."

"Kate," Sicily said as Kate turned on her heel and walked away from her. Jack walked past Sicily too, "Jack."

Jack turned around and faced his friends. Sicily was giving him a desperately look. She wanted him to talk to Kate, talk her out of this. But he wanted to adopt Jacob as much as Kate did.

"Your wife is crazy," Sicily told him.

"Yes she is," Jack agreed, "But that's okay."

"She won't do _anything_ to adopt that baby," Sicily said almost if it was a fact, "Will she?"

Jack shook his head and let out a little laugh, "You don't know Kate."

* * *

Kate was nervous. She never thought that she would be the type of person to seek professional counseling. She had even thought up the plan herself. She had been watching TV. With Jack when she thought about visiting a psychologist. She had plenty of people to talk to… plenty of people who cared about and loved her. But talking to someone who had no bias against her or knew her already. That is what she needed. Jack was almost to good to her, he sat there and listened and whatever she wanted he would agree too. She needed someone to tell her no… to give her a different option. She almost needed a challenge.

"Kate?" asked a very tall woman. She had flaming red hair and lipstick that matched. She looked about forty and had a very professional air about her. She was wearing all green. To Kate she looked like a big poster of Christmas sprit.

"Yes," Kate said standing up.

"I'm Erin," said the woman. "Please come in."

Kate followed the woman into a very woody room. The walls were covered in dark oak paneling and the floors matched, it was hard to see where they became separate. There was a long brown leather couch at the end of the room and two chunky white armchairs. Across from them was a high back chair, a clipboard waiting on the seat. Kate sat down on the edge of the couch and waited for Erin. Erin came back with a file in her hand, she clipped it to the board and sat down.

"I would like for you to give me your basic story," Erin asked pleasantly.

Kate laughed to herself. Would she even believe her story?

"Okay. I was raised in Iowa, lived in Iowa until falsely convicted of murder at 18. Ran for about four years, robbed a bank, escaped to Australia, crashed onto island, lived there for three years, got off, sentenced to jail time for three years, got out spent two years with my ex-fiancée, broke up with him, moved in with Jack, now expecting a child, got married, a girl who was like a daughter to me died, and now."

Erin looked up at her and raised her eyebrows; she definitely did not believe her.

"I swear it is all true," Kate said with a smile. It was a bit of a crazy story.

"You had a fiancée less then a year ago, but are now married to another man?" Erin asked as she wrote madly on her clipboard.

"Yes," Kate replied simply.

"Why?" asked Erin.

"Because the first guy in the end had different dreams and goals then I did… I fell out of love with him because someone else came into my life and became everything I needed and will ever need," explained Kate. "It's pretty simple really."

"And you are married to that other guy now?" Erin inquired. "And expecting?"

"Yes," answered Kate. How many more times was she going to have to repeat herself. She was finding it a little annoying. She wasn't here because she was having marital problems. Her marriage more then fine.

"And how is that going?"

"Perfect."

"There is no thing is perfect."

"Well in this case there is."

"So you two never fight?"

"Not really. We argue more… over silly things, like TV shows or movies to watch. That kind of stuff," Kate explained, "But nothing else."

"I see," Erin said with pursed lips.

"Can I ask you a question," Kate asked.

"Sure," replied Erin.

"How come I don't feel complete agony?" Kate asked. "I feel sad of course and I miss Sam more then anything, but how come I feel at peace? I almost feel ashamed."

"There is nothing to be ashamed of," Erin said sincerely, "If you think about it, this little girl was in pain and every time you had to see that you felt pain also. Now you know she is fine and cannot be hurt in any way. It would be inhumane if you couldn't smile about that. Do you think she would want you to be sad or remember her fondly and live in her memory?"

* * *

For the first time in a long time, Kate felt at peace. She knew that Sam was really in a better place. She know long had AIDS and she didn't feel pain. The thought did make Kate smile.

_Sam was sitting on the edge of a never-ending ocean; she wore a light lavender dress that hung a little loosely off her thin frame. Her hair was curly and blew blissfully in the wind. She had her toes dipped into the crystal clear blue water; over the water were hundreds of water lilies. Sam drew one out of the water and handed it to a man sitting next to her. The man had gray hair and Jack's nose. He was wearing an all black suit and a white shirt. He was older, around his early sixties. He didn't wear shoes either. He looked quite odd, as if he was going to a funeral, yet he wore no shoes. _

_Christian took the lily out of Sam's hands and placed it on his leg. He looked at the flower and sighed deeply. Sam was smiling up at him and she rocked back and forth. _

_"And you say he is happy?" Christian asked. His voice sounded distant from his body. _

"_I told you that already Chris," Sam said rolling her eyes. "I told you that he is married and is expecting a baby girl."_

_"And his mother?" Christian inquired. _

"_Well according to Kate she is insane," Sam started. _

_"Then she has not changed either," interrupted Christian smiling a sad smile. "I wish I could see them all again."_

_"Christian!" Sam said with a laugh, "Are you kidding me? You have been here longer then I have, don't you know we can see anyone we want. All we have to do is picture them and then look into the blue."_

_"I was afraid that I would find my family unhappy," Christian admitted to the child._

"_But they aren't," Sam said shaking her head causing her curls to bounce. "I'll look with you if you want, if you are that afraid."_

_Christian nodded and Sam took his hand. She led him around the water and then to an edge. She closed her eyes and pictured whom she wanted to see. Christian did the same and then opened his eyes… he and Sam looked down together. _

Kate sat bolt right up in bed as if she had been faking her slumber. She felt wide-awake, not like she had just gotten up at three in the morning. Her sudden movement had caused Jack to wake up as well. He was yawning loudly; it took him several times to get Kate to answer him.

"Are you okay?" Jack asked for the fourth time. He had almost expected something bad to be happening.

"I'm great," Kate announced turning to him. "I just had the strangest dream."

Kate explained her dream to Jack, he seemed confused by it, but apart of him wanted to know more.

"What did you say the man's name was?" Jack asked after Kate had finished her story.

"Christian," Kate told him. "Why?"

"That's my Dad's name," Jack told her.

Kate knew this of course, but was now putting two and two together. She looked over at Jack and then kissed him. As she lay down she felt a since of peace rush over her, it wasn't like the peace she had thought she been feeling. This was different. Kate knew that Sam was okay, she had Christian there to protect her… and she had also decided on a name for the baby… if Sam was right about the baby being a girl.

To be continued…


	28. Harry

Chapter 28: Harry

Kate poked her head into the living room. The pompous woman and decrepit old man were making her nervous. She and Jack had cleaned all the way through the night. They took every thing that could be not baby friendly and put into a box and then put it into the attic. There was no way the people from DCF were going to find something wrong with their house.

Jack wrapped his hand around Kate's arm and dragged her back into the spare bedroom that was already turned into a nursery for their own baby. Kate looked at him and then sighed. Without saying a word he had told her to calm down. This part was going to be easy, next came their interviews. Kate had never considered that her past might prevent them from adopting Jacob.

"So," said the woman. Her DCF badge had said that her named was Melanie.

Kate just looked at her and blinked. She almost swore out loud when she and Jack had been dragged into separate rooms.

"You have been married for how long?" Melanie said looking up at Kate and then back down at the thick file before her.

"Three months," Kate told her. It frustrated her how uncomfortable this woman made her in her own home. She almost hoped that Jack was getting the same feeling. But maybe that very old man was also very nice, unlike Melanie.

"But you are six months pregnant," Melanie said.

Kate looked down at her stomach. It was very obvious now that she was pregnant. There was nothing she could do to hide it, if she wanted too. Not sweatshirt, no empire waist blouse could hide her stomach, usually she didn't care.

"Obviously," Kate said coldly. But then she remembered that this was for Jacob. She had to put up with all this shit so she could have her baby. He was worth it… Kate bit her lower lip and swallowed her pride. "Sorry. Yes I am."

"Why?" Melanie asked.

Bitch.

"Because Jack and I wanted to start a family," Kate said with a smile. If Melanie couldn't tell that it was fake, she was stupid.

"I see," Melanie, said with pursed lips, "How do you expect to raise a family, two babies, while going to school? Does your husband work a lot?"

"No," Kate told her. Jack didn't work everyday and if he did it was always the same shift, 8 a.m. to 2 in the afternoon. Kate went to hospital everyday Jack was working and ate lunch with him. She could bring the babies of course. She explained Jack's work schedule to the strict woman and then added, "And I would be going to night school, so there would be a parent with them always. And if I can I will take my prerequisites online."

"What happens when you enroll in nursing school?" inquired Melanie.

"That isn't going to be for a few years," Kate said struggling to stay polite, "So we will worry about it then."

"Your wife has a record," said the old man, Frank. He was holding a piece of paper at the tip of his nose looking down at it through his bifocals.

"Yes," Jack said annoyed. He had already been asked this question.

"Do you think that will affect her abilities as a mother?" Frank asked in his old wheezy voice.

If that man didn't already look like one harsh wind would knock him over, Jack would have.

"No," Jack said firmly, "I don't."

"Why?" asked Frank raising his gray bushy eyebrows.

"Because you don't know the person Kate is now," Jack explained, "If you want to, go question her, but all I can tell you is if had any doubts you should have been in that hospital room with Jacob's dying sister. If you had been, you would not have just asked me that question."

* * *

Kate was laying down on the hardest most uncomfortable hospital bed ever, she wouldn't even consider it a bed, it was more like a table. A large cold, hard table. The doctor had just walked out of the room leaving Jack and Kate alone. Kate's shirt was rolled up under her breasts, which had increased in size greatly. Unlike Claire, Kate was frustrated with the fact that she couldn't lay on her stomach and she had to waste money on a new bra. It was cold in the room and the fact that her bare skin was exposed cause goose bumps to spread over her body. Instead of being elated to see their baby, she was grumpy.

"How do you think this morning went?" Jack asked her trying to make Kate less aggravated.

"I will be surprised if they even let us adopt a turtle," Kate said.

His attempted had obviously failed.

"It didn't go_ that _badly, Jack replied.

"Oh really," Kate said sitting up, "Did you see the way that nasty old man asked me those questions. Why had I been arrested? I almost said because I strangled a nastily noisy old man. Ha. And that woman, my god… she was a bitch."

"Lay back down," Jack said gently.

"Ugh," Kate said crossing her arms over her chest. "It's not fair that adopting Jacob should be that hard. I almost want to kidnap him."

"That probably wouldn't be the best idea," Jack said, "Because then we would be in jail."

"It really isn't that bad," Kate said with a shrug.

"No," Jack said with a smile. Kate smiled, Jack had done his job.

The doctor, Mitchell Bradley, walked back into the room.

"How are you feeling?" he asked casual. He had already asked her this.

"Still pregnant," Kate offered. She was annoyed with everyone, except for Jack; he was the only one whose presence she wanted to be in. Everyone else was just a nuisance.

"Right," he answered knowing that he had pissed her off.

Kate felt no pity for him, he had been a doctor for over twenty-five years, by now he should know that pregnant woman have mood swings and that he should watch what he said.

Dr. Bradley ignored the glare he got from Kate and went on with the ultrasound. He put the cold jelly onto Kate's stomach, making her even more cold and now more irritable, and ran the senor over it. He pointed out the baby's head and the arms, feet, heartbeat. He stopped and stared at the monitor.

"What?" asked Kate quickly landing on the idea that something was wrong with the baby.

"I can tell the sex of the baby," Dr. Bradley told them. "Do you want to know?"

Kate looked over at Jack; he shrugged. This meant it was her decision. Sometimes Kate wished Jack would make the executive decisions. But then again she did want to know, but maybe she didn't. Now she knew why Jack was making her decided, because it was a hard decision.

"How sure can you be?" Kate asked the doctor. But then she remembered what Sam had told her. Sam was so sure that the baby was a girl, maybe they should find out. "Yeah. Tell us."

"It's a girl," Dr. Bradley said pointing to the baby on the monitor.

Kate felt like crying. All the negative emotions that she had been feeling were gone. She wanted this pesky doctor out of the room. She wanted to share this moment with Jack. She sent Dr. Bradley silent hints, and someone he got them. He told them he would be right back and the exited the room.

Jack stood up and got closer to the monitor. He looked at their baby; she seemed to be rocking back and forth slowly. Of course now she was being good, she was probably tired because all night she had been kicking her mother.

"Wow," Jack finally said. He looked over at Kate, who was not looking at the monitor, but at him. "You don't seem surprised."

"I'm not," Kate said honestly. "Sam told me she was going to be a girl."

"Oh," replied Jack. He didn't know what to say. He was in awe of everything going around him.

"I know what I want to name her," Kate told him.

"What?" Jack asked. Together they had been able to think of several boy names, but no girl names. Kate told him and he smiled. It was perfect.

Kate left the doctors office in a lot better mood then when she had come in. Her held Jack's hand as they walked down the hospital hallway, an envelope with the baby's ultrasound pictures in the other. Kate let go of Jack's hand as she reached inside her purse for her cell phone. But before she could get she heard a woman's yells loud and clear.

"What the fuck do you mean she isn't answering her phone?" yelled a woman with a thick Australian accent, "Call her again."

Kate knew that voice, she looked at Jack and then walked quickly down the hallway, as soon as they rounded the corner they found Claire being rolled towards them in a white bed. Sayid was next to her looking confused and scared. Claire's face was beat red; her hands were holding her huge stomach. She looked right at Kate and then started to swear again. Living in L.A. had made Claire's accent fade a bit, but when she yelled she might as well have been an aborigine.

"Why the fuck aren't you at home?" Claire yelled.

"Ultrasound," was the only word Kate could get out before Claire grabbed her hand and squeezed it as a contraction swept through her body.

"I want drugs," Claire said after it was through. "You got that? I want as many as they can give me. I want them now!"

"Okay," Kate said handing the folder of pictures to Jack. The nurse next to her handed her a pair of cheap looking scrubs. Kate through them on over her clothes and whipped her hair back into a messy bun.

"Don't leave me okay?" she asked Kate. Kate looked up at Sayid, who wouldn't meet her eyes and then nodded.

They were gone in a second, Claire still yelling about how she wanted drugs. Jack stood there feeling slightly awkward. He looked over at Sayid who looked as if he was going to pass out… he had a green tinge in his face. Jack held back his laughter as he grabbed Sayid's arm and led him into the waiting room.

Sayid sat down across from Jack and put his face in his hands. Jack sat back and put the folder down beside him.

"Kate and I are having a girl," Jack told Sayid.

Sayid looked up, he wanted to smile and tell Jack congratulations, but he was afraid if he did he would vomit.

"Are you okay?" Jack asked.

"No," Sayid said simply.

"Claire is going to be fine," Jack, said in his doctor voice, "Do you know how many babies are born every day."

"It's not that," Sayid said. He had been taught his whole life to hide his emotions, to ignore them. He had been able to put that aside when he had met Shannon, but after her death, he had bottled them back up. But that one night with Claire had changed him again. "I don't think Claire wants me to be in the babies life."

"Where do you get that idea?" asked Jack perplexed.

"She hasn't given me an answer about marrying me," Sayid said.

"So?" Jack asked, "You asked her that before she even knew you. Maybe she is still thinking about it."

"Still?" Sayid asked, "It's been almost eight months."

"But just because she hasn't given you answer doesn't mean she doesn't want you to be in your child's life," Jack said rationally. "She is going to need your help when she goes back to work, especially since she has Aaron now too. Where is Aaron?"

"He is spending the night at a friends," Sayid said. "I dropped him off earlier this morning."

"Are you and Claire living together?" asked Jack.

"No," Sayid said. "I just did it because she asked me too. I feel used Jack."

"Hm," Jack said, "I think she needed help and you obliged."

"I think I love Claire a lot," Sayid said simply, "And I know that she doesn't even come close to feeling the same way."

"You don't know that," Jack said. "Claire is just one of those complicated people."

"She didn't want me in the room with her," said Sayid finally.

"She saw Kate and no offense forgot about you," Jack said, before Sayid could say anything, he continued, "And she has known Kate no necessarily longer then you, but she knows Kate better. They are best friends and when you see you best friend in a time of need everyone else just seems to disappear."

"But she doesn't see a need for me now," Sayid said hanging his head.

"Not that's not true," Jack said trying to remain patient, "everything is chaotic, wait until she gets the drugs then she will be able to focus."

"How is everything going?" Dr. Thomas said walking into the room. The contractions were about every fifteen minutes.

"Good now that she got her drugs," Kate said smiling. Claire gave her an angry look.

"I am going to kill you," Claire said.

"Go ahead a try," Kate said with a laugh.

"I will check back in a few," Dr. Thomas said before leaving the room.

"He creeps me out," Claire said.

"You chose him," Kate told her dropping her hand. She had at least ten more minutes before Claire would attempt to crush every bone in her hand again.

"I know," Claire said. "I think Sayid hates me."

"What?" asked Kate in shock, "How could you say that?"

"I have used him so much these last few months," Claire said feeling ashamed. "I knew that he wanted to be apart of this and I used his emotions against him. I had him running errands for me and all sorts of shit. And now I realize how much I am going to miss having him around."

"I thought he proposed?" asked Kate, "Why don't you just accept?"

"He isn't going to want to marry me now?" Claire told her softly, "Who would?"

"You never know," Kate offered.

"All I know is," Claire said as another contraction hit. It had moved from fifteen to seven minutes apart, "I can't do this without him. Go… get… him."

Kate nodded and ran out of the room as Dr. Thomas walked back in. Kate was down the hallway and into the waiting room in 45 seconds.

Jack looked up at her and smiled, Kate walked over to Sayid and touched his shoulder gently.

"Claire wants you," she told him. Sayid's eyes lit up and he walked out of the room. Kate sat down for and sighed.

"What?" asked Jack.

"I hope when I go into labor I am not as insane as Claire," Kate said.

"You will be," Jack said nodding. "But I'll get over it."

Kate walked back into the room to find Claire all prepared for birth. Sayid had taken over Kate's spot. Kate started to walk back out of the room, but Claire yelled at her and Kate went to her other side.

With Kate at her right and Sayid at her left, Dr. Thomas told Claire to push. Claire was screaming at the top of her lungs. Kate felt her own face turn red; her hand felt as if a sledgehammer had been dropped onto of it. Claire was still yelling, Kate was positive that Jack could hear it all the way down the hallway.

"I thought these drugs were supposed to make this painless?" Claire asked her face red and sweaty.

"There is no such thing as a painless birth," Dr. Thomas said looking up at her through his glasses, "But the drugs lighten it."

"No they don't," Claire argued, her eyes were closed. Dr. Thomas instructed her to push again. Claire pushed and pushed until finally her own screams were joined with another's. These screams were high pitched and soft. Claire shut up as the doctor held up the perfect little boy. Despite the fact that he was red and covered in all sorts of stuff, Claire held him close to her and began to cry. Harry was perfect, he had deep mocha colored skin and a mess of black hair. But when he opened his eyes, they were just like his mother's and brother's.

Kate walked out of the room and found Jack. She collapsed into his arms. Jack held her and then Kate told him that Harry Sayid Littleton-Jarrah was perfect. Neither one of them said anything, but they were both wishing that tomorrow they would have their baby, but they had to wait a bit longer.

Twenty minutes later Kate walked back towards Claire's room, Jack with her this time. Kate walked in first and then turned right back around pushing Jack out of the door way.

"What?" asked Jack.

"They were having a moment," Kate said tempted to look back around her shoulder.

"A moment?" inquired Jack.

"You are such a man," Kate said shaking her head, "Yes a moment. A kissing moment."

"But I thought they…" began Jack, but then his voice drifted off.

"Well maybe they finally realized that the baby had caused them to fall in love?" questioned Kate.

"Your usually right," Jack said shrugging.

"A course I am," Kate said wrapping her arms around Jack as much as her could. There were now several inches between them. "Oh." Kate spoke softly. He took Jack's hand and placed it on the side of her stomach.

"She got ya again?" asked Jack remembering last night. Kate had been restless because of the baby's kicks and punches and had kept him awake too.

"Oh yeah," Kate said nodding. It was the strangest sensation feeling something kicking you from the inside. It was amazing and confusing at the same time. Kate waited for the kicking to stop and then pulled Jack in for a kiss.

To be continued…


	29. Music and Love

Chapter 29: Music and Love

Kate had finally discovered her greatest pet peeve. She hadn't when random people came up to her and touched her stomach. It was awkward and annoying and just plain odd. When the little old ladies at the supermarket came up to her and inquired about her pregnancy and then took their little hands and put them on her… just grossed her out. She could never imagine touching someone she didn't know like that. Maybe it was different to other people. Maybe she was just strange, but she felt as if Jack should be the only person to do that. Claire had, but Claire was her best friend and future godmother of the baby. Was it really that much to ask? She was never rude to those people who took it upon themselves to fondle her stomach, but on the inside she was cringing. She had finally told Margot to keep her hands to herself, she had been nice about it really, she had just told Margot that it made her feel uncomfortable. But wouldn't you have been uncomfortable if your mother in law put both her hands on your stomach and then started talking to it in a baby voice? Yeah, just a little strange. Well then Margot apparently burst into tears, but this was coming from her maid once Margot had left the room. Jack of course, being the good son that he was, had gone to her side and explained everything. Kate was mad, she was the pregnant one, and only she had permission to have mood swings.

Well Margot got her revenge… she threw Kate a baby shower. It would have been nice if Kate had known someone other then Claire. Kate had been sat down in the middle of the parlor, which had been decorated from ceiling to floor in the most disgusting shade of pink ever created. The room was filled with woman whom had known Jack since he was child. All these country-club women in their pastel colored suits and hats. And of course what did they all do? They each took a turn to feel her stomach and talk to it as if it was going to talk back. Claire had just stood there, newborn Harry in her arms, her brand new engagement ring gleaming in the chandeliers light. She looked so happy and slightly amused by Kate's situation. She wouldn't be smiling a few hours later when Kate got to vent during the ride home.

Claire and Sayid had gotten engaged right before Jack and Kate had almost walked in one their moment. Claire of course had taken it upon herself to tell everyone in the entire world. She would purposely flash it in the sunlight hoping that the glare would get someone in the eye and then they would have to ask about it. Sometimes Kate felt as if she wanted to knock out Claire with a frying pan so she would stop talking about doves or churches. But she would remind herself that Claire was just excited and she was pregnant and hormonal…very very hormonal.

There was no doubt in Kate's find, not that there ever had been, that Jack was perfect for her. But the last few weeks had confirmed. She was sure there was no one else in the entire world that would put up with the crap that Kate pulled. Her moodiness came and went like the wind, there and then gone again within seconds and never predictable. Sometimes she would be sitting there perfectly happy and then she was crying. But Jack would sit there and talk to her, hold her hand, and just wait. If he could deal with this Kate… well then he was better then God.

Kate was finally resting. She had been cleaning the house earlier that morning because that had become an outlet for the emotions that she felt. The house had a permanent smell of pine and lemons. But she had finally stopped and was now curled up on the couch, a parenting magazine hanging off the side. Jack walked over to her and began to cover her with a blanket when he realized that a pair of headphones had been stretched over her stomach. It was connected a CD player resting on the coffee table. Out of curiosity Jack opened the player to find a CD by some singer he had never heard of and wasn't going to attempt to pronounce the name of. Jack walked across the room and retrieved an Aerosmith CD from the cabinet. He switched the CD and then snuck out of the room.

Kate batted her eyes open. A blanket covered her; she smiled at the thought of Jack. But then she realized that there was a strong bass line coming from the CD player. She lifted up the headphones and put them on her own ears. She turned off the song and stood up.

"What is this?" asked Kate pretending to be cross. She walked into Jack's office with the CD in her hand.

"Good music," Jack told her. Pushing his chair back from the desk. As Kate walked over to him he pulled her down so she was sitting on his lap, "I thought the baby would like it."

"Girls don't want to hear about Janie getting a gun or a dude looking like a lady," Kate argued, "Walking this way or love in an elevator."

"She might not, but she would probably want to be able to understand the music too," said Jack, "Unlike Andrew Fettuccine or whatever his name. No one knows what he is saying."

"Touché," Kate said smiling. "We'll have to find something we can agree on."

Jack laughed; he knew that would be practically impossible. As much as they were alike, their tastes in music could not differ more. But they had three more months to find something. Three more months that was all. The thought made Kate fill up with joy and kiss Jack passionately.

Why did the phone always ring when you had finally fallen asleep? It took Kate forever to fall asleep; she would lie there for an hour or more just staring up at the ceiling… waiting… just waiting. She had been dreaming a good dream too, she couldn't remember what it had been about, but she woke up feeling happy.

Jack was reaching over her to get to the phone. She only had a midnight blue sheet covering her body, other then that she was naked. The moment in the office had ended up in love making, as it often did. Kate sat up holding the sheet around her; Jack was sitting on the edge of the bed in his boxers talking very quickly on the phone. Kate didn't feel like eavesdropping so she looked in the mirror across from her. She looked like crap, her hair was standing on all ends and her face was flushed.

"Kate?" Jack said calling her back to reality.

"Yeah?" Kate answered turning her head to him. He was smiling, it wasn't smile that told her how much she meant to him, that was the one she usually got after moments like this. This one was very different. "What?"

"That was Sicily," said Jack. He was dragging out this moment as long as he could. "She was just called by her DCF supervisor and he told her to have us meet them and a judge at the court house in an hour."

Kate tilted her head to the side and bit her lip.

"Are you trying to tell me what I think you are?" asked Kate softly. Her heart was beginning to beat right out of her chest.

"Yes," Jack said nodding. Kate lunged herself across the bed, still holding the sheet, and into his arms. Jack wrapped his arms around her and held her close.

"Finally," Kate said happily.

* * *

Kate walked quickly up the marble steps of the Los Angeles courthouse. She found Sicily standing at the end of an empty hallway. A tall man in judge's robes was next to her along with Sicily's supervisor… the very old decrepit man who had inspected their house. Sicily was holding the handle of Jacob's convertible car seat; the front of it was covered with a light blue blanket with yellow and green dinosaurs on it.

Sicily handed the car seat off to Jack who put it on the ground. He pulled off the blanket and gently picked up a smiling Jacob. Jack handed him off to Kate who felt as if she might pass out. Jacob was laughing as she kissed the top of his head. Jack put his arm around her and she looked at him and silently thanked him for keeping his promise. He promised her that they would adopt Jacob, and that they did.

To be continued…


	30. Crash

Chapter 30: Crash

"I don't know why you are so worried," Jack said as he drove down the street towards Margot's home. Kate had been complaining for the entire car ride about how she did not want to bring Jacob to that house.

"Oh," Kate said softly despite the fact that she wanted to scream.

Jacob was finally asleep in the back seat of the car. It hadn't taken Jack and Kate to figure out that babies were hard work. Especially eleven month old babies who didn't want to be held, but instead wanted to crawl around the house and get into things and create huge messes. Despite all of that and the midnight, two am, and four am feedings, this was one of the best things that had ever happened to Kate. Her life did not feel complete yet, but it was well on its way.

"Maybe because you Ma almost had a heart attack when you told her we volunteered at the AIDS clinic," Kate explained harshly, "Can you imagine what she is going to do when we tell her that Jacob has HIV. She was freaking out about us getting the virus before, but now we are really going to get it."

"I thought you didn't care what Margot had to say," Jack asked.

"I don't," Kate lied. It was a lie, despite the fact that Margot was a bit insane and a bit out there, she was still the baby's grandmother and it was important for her to be in his life. "Okay… a little bit, but still Jack. I don't want her to hate him."

"She won't hate him," Jack told Kate trying to reassure her even though he had his own doubts.

They pulled up in front of the house. Jack had told Margot that he and Kate had adopted a baby and that he had a disease. He had figured that Margot would take the news better in small doses. They walked up to the front door, Jack holding Jacob on his side. It was awkward for Kate to hold the baby over her stomach. She didn't have a great grip on the wiggling little boy.

One of the maids ushered them inside and they went into the living room where a steaming tea set was waiting for them. Margot appeared seconds later, giving Jack a kiss on each cheek. When greeting Kate she put her hands on Kate's stomach and rubbed it. Kate wanted to punch her, but resisted. Jacob already kicked and squirmed when he was excited she didn't need to show him how to punch too.

"This must be Jacob," Margot said sitting down next to Jack and the half asleep baby. Jacob didn't look like he was related to the dark haired couple. He had crazy red hair that easily flew in all directions. When he did open his eyes, Margot would see the greenest eyes in the world, they were the color of a perfectly kept lawn.

Kate watched as Margot took the baby out of Jack's arms. She seemed to be examining him, making sure that he had come with all his fingers and toes. Jacob had been broken of his heroin addiction within the first week of his life. The doctors who had examined him before the adopted had said that the addiction hadn't had any severe lasting effect on Jacob. As long as Jack and Kate continued to give him his medication there was no reason why he shouldn't live a long healthy life.

"He seems to be perfect," Margot said as Jacob began to wake up. Kate reached into the diaper bag that seemed parentally attached to her shoulder and handed her his pacifier. "What disease did you say that he had?"

Margot and Kate both looked at Jack. Kate was happy it was finally going to be out in the open. She was frustrated that Jack hadn't come out with the full truth in the first place.

"Jacob has HIV," Jack said. He and Kate waited for the reaction. Margot didn't say anything but just handed Jacob back to Jack. Kate had enough. She stood up and walked out of the room.

Once outside Kate felt as if she could cry and not be ashamed of it. Could Margot seriously hold judgment against him? It wasn't like Jacob had been doing drugs or screwing some girl. It hadn't been his fault that he has received this curse. It hadn't been Sam's fault either. Kate had already lost one of them there was nothing in this world that could stop her from keeping Jacob as healthy as possible. If Margot wanted to reject him because of his past, she might as well reject Kate as well.

Jack had found her sitting underneath the weeping willow in the middle of the tree garden. It was odd to see any normal leaf budding tree in Los Angeles. It was mostly palm trees for miles and miles. He sat down next to her and let Jacob crawl around in the grass. He was trying to stand up using Kate's stomach as a crutch.

"I'm pissed," Kate said as Jacob crawled around, laughing and giggling happily.

"I know," Jack answered.

"Is that all you have to say?" Kate snapped back angrily. "You know? You know that your Ma just treated our son like a contaminated piece of shit and all you can say is 'I know'."

"What do you want me to do?" asked Jack. "March in there and yell at her and tell her that she is being stupid. Tell her that she is being an idiot fearing a baby because he has a disease that can be contained by medication. Is that what you want me to do?"

"Yes," Kate said simply, "But you can also add that if she always fears what is different then she will never be able to accept it. And you can't understand that someone is different before you accept them."

"Fine," Jack said standing up. Kate sat there in shock as Jack walked away from her and back towards the house.

Kate picked up Jacob, she figured out that if she held him high enough he could use her stomach like a seat. By the time she got back to the front of the house Jack was walking out the front door. He reached forward and took Jacob out of her arms.

"What are you doing?" Kate asked her arms falling to her sides.

"My Mom is going to baby-sit him," Jack said walking back towards the door.

"Um no," Kate said trying to take Jacob back.

"Kate," Jack said so firmly Kate stopped what she was trying to do and her mouth fell open in shock, "Please just trust me. Get in the car."

Kate did what she was told, surprisingly. She did trust Jack no matter what plan he had just created off the top of his head. It really couldn't be that bad. Jack got in the car and slammed the door closed. He didn't start the car, but just sat there.

"So?" Kate asked.

"You want to go get lunch?" Jack asked.

"No," Kate said quickly, "I want to go in the house and get my son away from Margot."

"He is fine," Jack said confidently, "my plan is going to work."

"If we come back and Jacob is gone because she sold him…"

"Sold him to who?" Jack interjected.

"The rich peoples black market," offered Kate, "I don't know how you rich people think."

"Stop grouping me in with them," Jack said softly taking Kate by surprised.

Kate opened her mouth and then closed it again. She didn't know what to say to that. Had she been grouping him with his mother and that class? She had. Since the very beginning, despite knowing otherwise, she knew Jack wasn't rich. They weren't rich. And yet that little insecurity about their pasts seemed to come back… it came when she least expected it. It scared her.

"I'm sorry," Kate said her hand over her mouth. She didn't know what to say.

"I don't judge you, please don't judge me," Jack asked kindly. Despite the fact he had said it kindly and in manner in which not to hurt her, Kate began to cry. She felt ashamed of herself. Jack began to drive; he needed to relieve the amount of tension that had just arisen in the car.

Kate stared out of the window; it had taken this to make her realize what was really going on. She was so happy that she was afraid to feel any other emotion. She feared that that emotion might take center stage. It was the stupid thoughts that came to mind that Jack might leave her, that this all might be a dream. But this wasn't a dream, this was a reality.

So was the car that was stalled in the middle of the road. Jack was swearing as he slammed on the breaks, the sound was blearing in Kate's ears. She was to scared to scream; she was watching this in slow motion. Their car hit the back of the Tahoe, they were spinning around and around, the car was starting to flip over, the glass from the windows flew towards them, hitting them in the face and arms. Kate couldn't move she felt as if she was pinned to her seat. She closed her eyes praying this was only a dream. Kate felt the pressure of the air bags on her chest and stomach; she managed to put her arms around it just before the car turned over. They were upside-down, spinning around and around like a top. The door was crushing her side, but she could still feel her arms and legs. Finally with a large screech that car stopped moving. Kate opened her eyes and saw Jack next to her, his eyes were open, he looked at her and spoke something, but Kate could not hear it. Kate felt a trickle of blood fall down past her eyes… she closed them…her body exhausted.

To be continued…


	31. Together We Can

Chapter 31: Together We Can

_This was so cliché. She was actually walking towards a white light… well she thought she was walking, but when she looked down at her feet she seemed to be gliding underneath her. Kate realized that she wasn't wearing any shoes either, someone had jacked her shoes. She was pissed, but then realized that she was wearing a long white gown and she was still pregnant. What the hell was going on?_

_Sam was standing there, all alone, also in white. She had a lily in her hair and a smile on her face. Her arms were crossed in front of her as if she wasn't going to let Kate in. _

_"Why are you here?" Sam asked her with pretend anger. _

"_I don't know," Kate said, "But you have been in a lot of my_ _dreams lately."_

_"I know," Sam said sitting down. "It's like your spying on me up here. Well let me tell you that I am fine and you can stop worrying. But we aren't going to let you in."_

_"Oh fuck," Kate said looking around her, "Am I dying?"_

"_Yeah," Sam replied. She had never heard Kate swear before. It made her laugh. . _

_"I don't want to," Kate said looking around madly, "Why is this happening?"_

"_Well you have kind of given up," Sam said. _

_"No I haven't," argued Kate, "Is the baby okay?"_

"_She survives if you do," Sam told her wisely. "I told you I was going to be the guardian angel for the baby… and it looks like I have to be yours too. If I don't do enough around here."_

_Kate just stared at her oddly. _

"_Well what are you still doing here?" Sam asked standing back. She pointed to some place behind Kate, "Go back."_

Kate drew in a deep staggering breath. She opened her eyes and found herself surrounded by doctors and nurses. They were standing around her, a deliberator in hand. Were they about to shock her or had they already? Kate wanted to sit up and find Jack, but there was a hand on her shoulder stopping her from moving. She didn't seem to be in surgery, she didn't feel any pain. She closed her eyes.

She had had the strangest dream, but she had been having a lot of those. She had read it wasn't uncommon for pregnant women to have outlandish dreams. But it had seemed so real; she had been able to feel the soft moist clouds underneath her feet. But it had to be a dream, things like that just didn't happen.

"So the baby is okay?" Claire asked Jack.

"Yes," Jack replied. He was sitting on the couch across from the bed Kate was sleeping in. His arm was broken and there were several cuts on his face, arms, and hands. Claire was fixing Kate's hair like a good best friend would. "The baby is fine. It seems that when Kate's heart stopped it was for only forty five seconds, which didn't deprive the baby of oxygen for too long."

Kate wanted to open her eyes, but she didn't have enough energy to do so. Forty-five seconds? That was it; it had seemed like she had dreamed about Sam for so much longer. But thank god it had been only a short period of time… and thank god their baby was strong. Kate could feel her kicking the crap out of her stomach again.

"She isn't in a coma right?" Claire said looking down at Kate. She had a tube down her throat and was being supplied with oxygen.

"They say no," Jack said. Jacob was with Margot, apparently before she had found out that her son and daughter-in-law had been in a car crash, they had begun to bond. That had been Jack's plan all along. He knew his mother had a soft spot for babies. "But if she doesn't wake up soon I am going to question that."

"She is going to be fine," Claire said confidently, "Kate's a fighter, always has been."

"Yeah, but she has never had to fight internal bleeding before," Jack offered.

"Way to be a pessimist," Claire said sitting down next to him. Sayid was in the waiting room with Harry and Aaron.

"Sorry," Jack said not meaning it at all.

Kate hoped that Jack didn't feel at all responsible for what had happened. She had seen the car randomly stalled in the middle of the street. There was nothing he could have done. She felt guiltier; they had been in the middle of a fight when this had happened. Kate knew it was her fault. She had been stupid again. When she woke up she would make a promise to herself, she was going to stop letting her insecurities get to her. So what if she felt sad or angry once in a while? She was human and Jack was human. She was trying to be wonder woman for him, but he hadn't fallen in love with wonder woman. He had fallen in love with Kate. And Kate is what he was going to get from now on. It was that simple.

Kate batted her eyes open. The stark whiteness of the room burned them. She closed them again and then slowly opened them trying to get used to the bright light. She moved her toes and then her fingers. She tried to speak but there was tube in her throat inhibiting that. She was getting frustrated, her groped at the blanket over her. Suddenly a nurse was standing over her and she was removing the tube. She sat her up and then removed the oxygen from her nose. The nurse handed her a cup of water and instructed her to drink slowly; Kate obliged.

Kate finished the water and the nurse took the cup away, allowing Jack to come to her side. She didn't know what to say, not that she could speak, her throat hurt too much to try. She felt a tear run down her cheek. Jack wiped it away and kissed her forehead. Kate wrapped her arms around Jack and held him close to her. It had taken something like this to make her realize what she had really wanted… and what she already had.

* * *

"There's mommy," Jack said bringing Jacob into the room. Jacob laughed and kicked in Jack's arms until he put him down on the hospital bed. Jacob crawled towards Kate who then picked him up and kissed him.

"I think he has gotten bigger," Kate said. She was sitting up, after waking up the first time she had fallen back asleep for another ten hours. But now she was awake and restless. After telling Jack how sorry she was and that she loved him, she had asked to see her baby.

"You haven't seen him in about 24 hours," Jack said sitting on the edge of the bed.

"I know," Kate said and she helped Jacob bounce up and down on the bed, "But still. Did he have fun with Grandma?"

Jack smiled as he watched them together. Kate didn't look her best, he wasn't going to lie. She had a cut across her cheek that was pretty deep, but it was already healing. There were cuts all over her arms where the glass from the window had shattered. There was a long cut down the front of her chest from a piece of metal that had flown in the window. There was bruising, but everything would heal with time.

"How are you feeling?" Jack asked gently.

"I feel alright," Kate said smiling at him, "But then again they are giving me what they can, I bet I would feel great if I wasn't pregnant."

"Probably," said Jack agreeing with her. He looked over at a giant giraffe that been brought into the room earlier that morning. It was holding a dozen toy flowers and a box of real chocolate. "That is from Hurley."

"The guy has style," Kate said looking over at it. She looked back and Jack and put her hand on this. "I know I told you earlier but I want you to know that I am sorry."

"I am too," Jack replied, "But what do you think about just letting it go and just live? I don't want to fear the future or feelings alright?"

"Let me make you a promise," said Kate. She told him about what she had decided in her dreams. That she was no long going to let anything stop her from living her life with him. If they could get through everything with Sawyer, getting Margot's permission, Sam's death, and getting into a car accident, they could get through anything.

To be continued…


	32. She Had Come With Baggage

Chapter 32: She Had Come With Baggage

For being seven months pregnant and about twenty pounds heavier, Kate had never felt better. She had been released from the hospital after a week. All of her cuts and bruises had healed. The only scar that remained was a very thin light one that ran down her chest for six inches. Jack had told her it made her look tough, Kate though it looked like a lightening bolt. That had caused Jack to call her the sexy female version of Harry Potter. Kate had just laughed and shook her head at him and his really bad jokes.

Life was as good as it could get, really. A car accident was never something that was wanted or wished for. But it had altered their lives completely. They realized just what they were made out of and how much they needed each other. They also realized that it wasn't going to be easy, no marriage took no work. They had just expected everything to fall into place, it had in the beginning, but now they had to keep it that way. The crash had reminded them that they were only human and it was okay to feel emotions and that life wasn't perfect and not to expect it to be.

Margot had indeed become the best Grandma any kid could ever wish for. She took Jacob every Thursday so Jack and Kate could volunteer at the clinic and spend some alone time together. Sundays they went to Margot's for dinner along with whatever random Shephard relative seemed to be visiting that week. Claire's new school year would be starting soon so Kate would spend her days in the non-air-conditioned class room as Claire unpacked boxes and begun setting up the craft station and large posters of the multiplication tables. But the most important part of the day was at noon when Kate and Jacob would meet Jack for lunch in the hospital cafeteria.

Kate stood up on her tippy toes, she couldn't see if there was any German chocolate cake mix left. Tomorrow was Jack's birthday and she was throwing a small gathering at their house. It was only going to be Claire and Sayid and kids, and Hurley who said that he had a date. But still, she had to make the cake, and German chocolate was Jack's favorite. Jacob seemed to find this very entertaining, watching his mother try and reach the top shelf.

Sawyer walked down the aisle of the supermarket and saw the profile of a very beautiful woman trying to reach something. She was wearing a white cotton dress with a black and white polka dot sash under her breasts enhancing her very large stomach. She had black leggings on underneath the dress that came a bit above her knees. She wore black ballet flats; her hair was pulled back loosely, showing off the bounce and wave of her hair.

Sawyer was standing next to her, he reached up above her head and grabbed the box for her and then went to hand it to her. Once he finally looked at her a breeze could have knocked him over.

Kate just starred at him. He was wearing a black shirt, the first three buttons undone, the sleeves rolled up to his elbows and a pair of jeans. He didn't look bad, but he was obviously single because no woman would be seen with him like this. He just looked like a bachelor.

"Hi," Kate said. Her heart was pounding. She could see him looking at her, taking in her full appearance. She had dressed up today because she was meeting Jack at a restaurant for his birthday. Today they would be spending together because tomorrow was for friends. Sawyer was looking at her chest; there was nothing she could do to hide the fact that it now looked like she had gotten implants.

"Hi," Sawyer said with his drawl. He was still looking at her. He looked from her, to the baby in her cart, and then at her stomach. Then to her hand that was holding the cake mix. It had a rock on there that could have only been bought for her by her doctor.

If this wasn't awkward Kate didn't know what was. She was tempted to grab her cart and run for it. She wished Jack were there.

"How are you?" asked Kate unsure what else to say. She put the mix into the cart, when she looked back at Sawyer; he was still looking at her.

"You look different," Sawyer observed. When Kate had been with him she had dressed in t-shirts and jeans all the time. This Kate looked like on of those perky little housewives that threw cocktail parties and had affairs because their hard working husbands were screwing their secretaries.

"Is that a compliment or insult?" Kate asked him titling her head to the side.

"Not sure," Sawyer said walking past her. He was going to walk away and try and forget that he had even seen her. He stopped and turned around. She had seemed to have the same idea; she had been looking for frosting when he looked back. "Do you want to get lunch?"

"Um," Kate said looking down at her can of frosting. "I don't have a lot of time, but okay."

Why had she done that? She did not have the slightest wish to be with Sawyer. She felt no ounce of regret for everything that had happened. She didn't want to see him anymore; she had become furious when Claire had brought him up that one day. But now she was meeting him for lunch. Maybe moving on with your life involved closing certain parts of it. If having lunch with Sawyer meant she could forget him forever and no longer wonder if he was okay because she was good person, then so be it.

She had called Jack and told him what she was doing. Not because she needed his permission or even wanted it. She wanted to tell him because she knew that he would be all right with it and that he would support whatever she did. That was the difference between Jack and Sawyer. Jack understood that she came with baggage, but he let her keep that baggage. Sawyer had tried to throw it away.

"So," Kate said sitting down across from Sawyer. He might have thought she was standing him up. She had been in the car for ten minutes talking to Jack. Kate held Jacob on her lap until the waitress brought him a high chair. "How are you?"

"Fine," Sawyer said looking up and down the menu.

Kate picked up the menu to hide the face she was making at Sawyer; it made Jacob laugh. He had asked her to this lunch and now he was going to make her lead the conversation. Oh no.

"So when did he come about?" Sawyer asked looking at Jacob. If he thought that Jacob was the age he assumed then Kate had to have been fucking around with Jack long before their wedding.

"We adopted him about two months ago," Kate said looking over at her son lovingly. "His name is Jacob."

"Mhmm," Sawyer said showing that he really didn't care. Secretly he felt better about the presence of Kate's child knowing that it hadn't been made while she was still with him. He already hated Kate, she shouldn't make it worse. "So you're married?"

"Yes," Kate said. Now she was uncomfortable. Thank god at that moment the waitress came. Sawyer kept looking at her wedding ring. The engagement ring he had given her she had mailed to him, no letter, just the ring. She didn't want.

Sawyer ordered steak and a beer.

"Let me see," Kate said nicely. "Can I get a salad with low fat ranch and no tomatoes. A lemonade and can I get some applesauce for the baby… yeah. That's all. Thank you."

"So are you having fun playing this part?" Sawyer asked her his eyes flashing coldly.

"Excuse me?" Kate asked just as icily.

"This stepford wife, Barbie routine," Sawyer explained.

"This isn't a routine," Kate said simply, "This is my life."

"I bet you have problems fitting with Dr. God and his richy bitchy life style," Sawyer said taking a drink from the beer that had been brought to him.

"Oh yeah Sawyer," Kate said rolling her eyes, "And we fight all the time too. That's why I married him because that's what he offered me and I was just so smitten."

Sawyer was speechless. She hadn't come right out and said it, but she was happy. Jack had given her everything she had wanted. She had ditched him for something better and she didn't show any sign of regret. Another awkward silence, he watched Kate with the baby. She was so patient and kind. She didn't care when he reached out and grabbed a handful of her hair, she laughed. He missed her laugh he realized. But then he also realized that she hadn't laughed with their last few months, she hadn't smiled. Because for those last few months he hadn't been fueling her happiness. Jack had been.

"So you don't regret anything?" Sawyer asked. "Cheating on me? Nothing."

"I would be lying if I said yes," replied Kate honestly, "I wish they had happened differently with the same result. I never did mean to hurt you, you know."

"Yeah well you failed," Sawyer said bitterly.

"I am sorry," Kate said as they placed her salad down in front of her. Between the awkward questions and the even more awkward silences, she had wasted forty-five minutes with him. "I told you the day everything happened."

"You mean our wedding day?" Sawyer offered. He looked at Kate's salad it had tomatoes all over Kate. Kate hadn't complained she had just picked them off and put them on a separate plate. The old Kate would have waited for him to yell at the waitress.

"I wouldn't refer to it as that," Kate said not looking up at him, "We didn't actually get married."

"Maybe we could call it the day of utter fucking embarrassment," Sawyer said as Kate fed Jacob the applesauce.

"Did you bring me hear so you could bitch me out Sawyer?" Kate asked shooting him an angry look. "Because you can save your breath. I have apologized several times and if you don't want to accept it so be it."

"Does he make you happy?" Sawyer asked suddenly. He didn't sound angry, but curious.

"Yes," Kate said. "Very."

"When are you due?" asked Sawyer.

"End of August, early September," Kate told him.

"It might be born on your birthday," Sawyer said before taking a bit of his lunch.

Kate smiled and nodded. "The baby is a girl."

Sawyer didn't reply. Kate was confused. One second he was being an ass, being cold and icy and practically telling her that she ruined his life. But now he was being nice and asking her about her life. Was he trying to be her friend? She hoped not because she was not willing to be friends with him. Maybe that made her a bitch, but she didn't care. She wasn't going to let him be a part of her new life, she had very few fond memories. Besides the physical attraction, she wasn't sure if there had ever been anything real.

"I'll get it," Kate said taking the check off the table. Sawyer did not argue; he figured that she had more money then he had.

"I am moving to Mississippi," Sawyer told Kate randomly.

"Oh," Kate said. "Why?"

"I've got a cousin down there that is going to get me a better job," Sawyer said as their waitress returned to the table with a receipt and Kate's credit card.

"Thank you Mrs. Shephard," said the waitress reading the receipt from Kate's credit card, "Have a nice day."

That stabbed Sawyer's heart. He had been doing all right, but now… he realized that he wasn't over Kate at all. Here she was almost a year since he had seen her. She was married and pregnant, she was a mom and going to school. As soon as she had dumped his ass she had become everything she had wanted.

"I hope you have a good life Sawyer," Kate said standing up. She picked up her baby out of the highchair and put him into his car seat. "And I do mean that. I really do."

"Yeah," Sawyer said as she walked away from him. He watched her put her son into the back seat and then get in and drive away. He knew he had asked her to lunch to try and win her back in some form. But it had been a hopeless attempt. He had to accept the fact that she had found her soul mate and it wasn't him. But even though he didn't say it back, he hoped she had a good life too.

Kate didn't know why Sawyer had asked her out to lunch and she was sure she didn't want to know either. She felt as if a weight had been lifted off of her. She had just put the last little piece of her past behind her. Now she was ready to move forward and fully embrace the future.

To be continued…


	33. Cooking with Bob Marley

Chapter 33: Cooking and Bob Marley

Kate and Jack were sitting in a rather small conference room in the middle of the Los Angeles health center. Jacob was sitting, against his will, on his Dad's lap; Jack was using all the strength in his arms to keep the child from crawling across the room at warp speed.

There were about ten couples in this room. Each of them had their own child, Jacob was around the youngest; Most of the other children looked around two years old. Standing in the middle of the circle was Sicily. She was passing out several pamphlets to the couples.

Kate looked down at hers; it had a picture of a very happy family on it, across the top it read, 'How to live with HIV/AIDS in your life'. Kate flipped it open it explained what it was and what the virus did. It then began to describe how you could have a normal life even with the virus around you. The pamphlet came with some pointers:

1. Stuffed and furry toys can hold dirt and might hide germs that can make the child sick. Plastic and washable toys are better. If the child has any stuffed toys, wash them in a washing machine often and keep them as clean as possible.

2. Keep the child away from litter boxes and sandboxes that a pet or other animal might have been in

3. Watch for any changes in health or the way the child acts. If you notice anything unusual for that child, let the doctor know. For a child with AIDS, little problems can become big problems very quickly. Watch for breathing problems, fever, unusual sleepiness, diarrhea, or changes in how much they eat.

Kate looked over at Jack and gave him an exasperated look. He smiled and then looked down at Jacob, who was beginning to fall asleep. Kate followed his gaze and then smiled too because she realized it didn't matter the precautions they had to take, Jacob was worth it.

"Welcome to an parent of children with HIV/AIDS support group," Sicily said cheerfully to all the couple, "The point of this group is to learn the precautions you need to take now that you have this child and how you can live a normal life. This is a support group because sometimes it is going to be hard. When your child has to switch medication and they become sick. It's all part of having the virus. But having me and each other it will become easier."

Kate wrapped her arms around her stomach. There was two weeks until her due date. Most women who were almost nine months pregnant would be relaxing, but Kate had been running after her son. Margot and Claire both came over when Jack was working because she usually didn't have enough energy to chase after Jacob when he decided to crawl at lightening speed across the house. Jack had cut back his hours as much as he could, but he couldn't get paternity leave until five days before Kate's due date.

"First of all," Sicily began, "There are only a few ways HIV and AIDS can be spread and the only one you need to worry about in your family is through blood. It might have seemed like such a big deal, but think about it. What if your two kids, including the one with AIDS, are outside and your children fall off their bikes and scrap their knees, it is bleeding pretty bad and for reason or another the wounds come and contact and the blood is shared. There is a good chance that both of your children can now have the virus. This is not supposed to scare you, but to make you aware."

Kate looked over her shoulder because a shadow had just appeared in front of her. Margot was standing over her smiling; she sat down next to her and took the pamphlet off of Kate's lap. Jack shot Kate a look of success, Margot, slowly but surely, had begun to accept and understand HIV. They had invited her to join them at the support group. Both Jack and Kate could fully admit that they had doubts she would come.

"It is important that you watch your kids closely. When there in an accident because all kids get hurt and scrap or cut themselves, you need to make sure to wear gloves and clean their wound absolutely. When your child is about eight or nine years old they should understand that they are different. Different is not necessarily bad, and they need to understand this also. If they understand this and your other children to do, there is no reason why they shouldn't be a normal kid."

Normal kid? Kate wished that her children would be as normal as possible. Her childhood hadn't been normal in the least bit; Jack's childhood had been filled with country clubs and family values. Kate hoped that her kids would get the opportunity to be kids, to eat dirt and play on playgrounds. She wanted them to go to public school and understand differences and become well rounded. She wanted them to volunteer and be generous. She wanted her kids to have everything she hadn't had.

* * *

"Come in Jack," Dr. Raymond Brooks said as Jack knocked on his office door.

Jack walked in and sat down in front of the head surgeon of the entire hospital. He had gotten the request for a meeting three days ago and couldn't be more perplexed on what it could be about. The only thing he could of was that he was going to be denied paternity leave; if that were the case he would quit.

"Good afternoon Ray," Jack said pleasantly removing his stethoscope from around his neck. He held it in his hands as Ray closed a manila folder that had been lying open in front of him.

"I don't suppose you know why I have called you in here," Ray said curiously. Jack shook his head and Ray continued, "The surgery you preformed in March was recorded in the National Journal of Medicine and of course several job offers had come to you through me and you told me that you were not interested, but then a week ago I got one that I think you might want to do and I might actually be willing to let you go for."

Jack remained silent. He had no desire to move. He and Kate had just fixed up their house and Kate was going to have the baby in less the two weeks. He couldn't pack up his family and move anywhere.

"St. Jude Children's Hospital has requested you," Ray said pulling out the letter from the President of St. Jude's. He handed it to Jack, but before Jack could read it he began talking, "They want you to run the leukemia center. Your skills as a spinal surgeon have been used for bone marrow transplants but now that would be your main focus. You could also work with the HIV and AIDS patients, which I know is very important to you. Your salary would be increased out there and the cost of living in Memphis is a lot cheaper also."

"I don't know Ray," Jack said reading through the letter. It was very flattering and seemed to draw him in. A part of him wanted this job more then anything, but he knew he couldn't just think of himself, he had three other people he had to consider. He couldn't leave him Mom behind either. They all had to stay together in his opinion.

"Well Jack," Ray said standing up, "I want you to think about it, talk it over with your wife and let me know."

* * *

"Hey Babe," Jack said kissing Kate as he walked into the hospital cafeteria with her. Jacob wasn't with her, but with his Grandma. "How are you?"

"Tired," Kate admitted. She felt self-conscious going out in public she felt as if she was waddling. "You?"

"Well…" Jack said his voice drifting off. "I got a job offer."

"Oh yeah," Kate said sitting down behind her brown bag lunch. "In Los Angeles?"

"No," Jack said shaking his head.

"Where?" asked Kate curiously after taking a bite of her sandwich.

"Memphis," Jack told her. He waited for her reaction. He expected her to snap at him and tell him absolutely not. There was no way she was going to pack up her entire life and move across the country.

"Oh," Kate replied thinking. Honestly, it didn't matter where she lived. All that mattered to her was that Jack, Jacob, and the baby were with her. She had nothing else holding her back here. "Well what to do you think?"

"It's an amazing job," Jack said letting his excitement for the challenge show, "But it's really up to you."

"Why is it up to me?" Kate inquired, "I can go to school anywhere, I can raise a family anywhere… you have roots here not me. What about your Ma?"

"Oh yeah," Jack replied feeling bad that he hadn't thought to deeply about that, "Do you think she would be willing to come with us. That sounds selfish but do you?"

"Yeah," Kate said, "I think she would now. Because of Jacob and the baby."

"We can always ask," Jack suggested.

"Or beg," Kate said with a smile.

"So you are okay with it?" Jack asked her. He didn't want this to have a negative effect on any aspect of their life. They had worked to hard and to long for him to screw up over his work. "Tell me the truth."

"Yes," Kate said, "As long as I am with you and the babies, I can go anywhere."

* * *

"I can't believe she is coming with us," Kate said as she folded back the blankets on her side of the bed. Her side of the bed had only a sheet and a thin blanket. Jack's had three quilts and a fleece blanket. He was also sleeping in a pair of sweat pants and sweatshirt. It was the end of August, but Kate made it feel like a New York winter in the house. Jacob had been given his own space heater in the nursery.

"Are you really okay with all this?" Jack asked. Kate stopped what she was doing and put her hands on her hips. Jack laughed and shook his head, "Sorry. I just want to make sure that you aren't angry."

"Why would I be angry?" Kate asked perplexed.

"Because I am asking you to leave everything we have behind and go half way across the country to Tennessee and start all over again," Jack said after drawing in one long breath.

"California, Tennessee, Iowa," Kate said sitting down on the edge of the bed running a brush through her hair, "They are just places."

Jack let out a sigh of relief. He did feel guilty about asking his very pregnant wife to pack up their entire life and move it across the country. They had gone over to Margot's right after Jack's shift had ended. Jack had explained everything to her in detail, about how they would build a house in a suburb of Memphis and she could move anywhere in the city she wanted and how they would just continue living. Margot didn't agree right away, but wanted to know Kate's opinion. Kate told her the truth, she was ready to go. She never felt fully at home in California, she had stayed here for Sawyer… and then for Jack. But she was ready to start over new. She was ready to create a home in a place with new people and a new surrounding. As long as she had her family, like she had told Jack numerous times before, she would be all right.

"You know you are really amazing," Jack said as he got into bed beside her. He leaned across his side table and flipped off the light.

"I know," Kate replied softly cuddling up next to Jack.

Kate stood in front of the open refrigerator gazing inside wishing that if she closed it and opened it real fast fried chicken would appear in there. It didn't work. Kate tried again, nothing. It was three in the morning and the light from the refrigerator was casting an eerie glow across the kitchen and family room. It was too early or too late to wake up Jack and ask him to go get her chicken. The other night he had managed to find her a place that served egg rolls at midnight. Kate closed the door and marched over to the panty, maybe there she could find something to satifisfy her hunger.

Kate flew open the wooden doors and began to look up and down the shelves. She found brownie mix and decided that she had forty-five minutes to waste. She was going to cook. She had found that cooking was a good outlet for pregnancy woes. Cooking and Bob Marley. The Jamaican singer's music was the one CD that Jack and Kate had agreed on and every night before they went off to bed, Kate would stretch the headphone over her stomach. Maybe it was just her imagination, but the baby seemed to kick less if she had gotten to listen to Bob.

Kate turned the CD player on its lowest volume and began to cook. She finally had the eggs, oil, water, and mix all blended when she felt something spill all down her and to the floor. Kate looked around the counter to try and find what had spilt; nothing seemed to be dripping off the counter top. Kate looked down and realized she was standing in a puddle that had fallen out of her nightshirt.

She stood there in shock, she didn't know if she was supposed to move. She needed to get Jack and get to the hospital, but what if she moved and the baby just fell out. She hadn't done this before… she hadn't taken Lamaze because she thought it was stupid. Kate needed to call Claire, yes she had delivered Aaron and she should remember how that went. But that was like nine years ago… she didn't remember anything.

"Jack," Kate said with soft intensity. She didn't want to wake her baby. Jacob had just started sleeping almost through the entire night. Kate swore loudly after waiting a few minutes. She had just felt her first contraction. The pain had started in her stomach and seemed to travel through her body like thousands of little needles. It went through every limb and inch of her body. It only lasted a minute, but as soon as it was gone, it seemed to take all of her energy with her.

"Kate?" Jack asked walking out of their bedroom sleepily. He saw Kate standing with her body towards him, her hands bracing the edge of the counter top so tightly her knuckles were white.

"My water broke," Kate said as Jack walked closer to her.

Jack looked down and saw the puddle of liquid on the floor and then took her hands and led her away from it. He led her to the couch and told her to sit down.

"It fucking hurts," Kate said. Jack let out a soft laugh making Kate smile. He kissed her forehead and then went to get their son and her suitcase.

To be continued…


	34. Strong

Chapter 34: Strong

"Move it fuck face my best friend is in labor!" yelled Claire shoving some doctor out of the way as she ran down the hallway. The doctor looked after her; she looked crazed, her hair flying behind her in all directions. She was still in her pajamas; instead of shoes she was wearing a pair of bunny slippers.She had a CD in her right hand, it was held out in front of her as if it was a precious jewel.

Claire was pointed down a hallway by a very tired looking nurse. It was only four thirty in the morning, but Claire was perfectly awake. She skidded into the room, the only one with the light on and found Kate sitting up in a hospital bed several machines attached to her. Jack was sitting in a chair on her side holding a sleeping Jacob.

"Hey beautiful," Claire said with a laugh walking into the room.

"Shut-up," said Kate throwing an ice cube a Claire. Kate was still hungry. "Did you get it?"

"Do you think I have nerve enough to come into the room without it?" Claire asked putting the CD into a player that Jack had brought it from his office, which was almost cleaned out. Instantly the room was filled with the voice of Bob Marley. It seems to clam Kate instantly.

Claire sat down next to Jack and offered to take Jacob. Jack handed over his sleeping son and stood up next to Kate and then turned to read the paper coming out of the machine. It signaled that another contraction was about to come. The machine began beeping and seconds later; Kate's face was screwed up in pain, her hand holding onto Jack's for dear life.

Jack kissed the top of Kate's forehead once the pain was through. She was so tired and just wanted to go to sleep, to bad something was trying to force itself through a space way to small for it. Claire hadn't been over exaggerating when she had been screaming for drugs. Kate hadn't started screaming yet, but she only had contractions every…

The machine was beeping again. The contractions had gone from twenty minutes apart to less the four minutes. It was happening to fast. The doctor was in the room within seconds of the contraction ending. He lifted up the blanket across Kate's body. Kate looked at Claire and rolled her eyes as the doctor invaded a space he really shouldn't be. Claire was laughing at her; if it weren't for Jack telling her to stay calm she would strangle her.

" I think we'll be ready to go in about twenty minutes," the doctor told her before walking out the room.

Kate looked up at Jack she was scared. This was happening so fast, when she imagined this it had been so much more glamorous. Jack told her everything would be okay and then he asked Claire to call Margot. Claire walked out of the room with Jacob in her arms.

"Jack I can't do this," Kate said. She hadn't wanted to show Claire her weakness.

"Yes you can," Jack said sitting down on the edge of the bed. He allowed Kate to crush his hands as another contraction came and went, "You are a lot stronger then you give yourself credit for."

"No," Kate said shaking her head arguementively.

"Yes," Jack said nodding, "Stronger then me."

"Stop trying to be sweet," replied Kate.

"I'm not," Jack said truthfully.

"All right Kate," the doctor said kindly.

He was standing at the end of the bed, Kate all prepared for labor. She was sitting up in bed, finally getting the epidural; Jack was standing next to her. He had been giving her words of encouragement… but Kate had threatened to put him into a headlock if he didn't stop. She knew that he was proud of her and that he loved her. She had no doubts, but now she needed for him to be silent.

"I need you to push as hard as you can," the doctor told her.

Kate bit her lower lip; she drew in a deep breath and then pushed. Her whole body ached. It didn't hurt as much as it was supposed too. But she could still feel the pressure of the baby against her body. She was shaking as she pushed. She was holding onto Jack's hand, sure that she was crushing his fingers into powder. She stopped pushing and fell back against the bed. She wasn't strong enough to do this. It was too hard. She wanted to give up.

Jack wiped her sweaty brow; Kate tried not to think about how disgusting she felt. Her hair was pulled back into a ponytail, but the pieces that had fallen out were stuck to her forehead. Her face was red and her facial expressions screwy.

"Alright baby," Jack said softly so she could only hear him.

"Push again," the doctor commanded.

Kate closed her eyes and focused all her energy onto the baby. She could do this. She was strong enough to survive on that island and make it through all the emotional distress with Sawyer and Jack. She could do this… she wanted to see her baby, their baby. She wanted Jack to hold their child.

Kate pushed harder this time. She wanted to scream, but held it in. Her mouth fell open a bit, but she kept silent. She felt something release and suddenly the pain was gone. Kate opened her eyes and saw the doctor holding a baby into the air. It was already over, Kate was in amazement. The baby was squirming in the doctor's arms. The room's silence lifted and Kate could hear the baby crying.

"It's a girl," the doctor said handing the baby to a nurse. The nurse took the baby in her arms and handed her to Kate.

Kate let out a little whimper as the baby was laid against her chest. She looked into her baby's face and let out a sigh. She was absolutely beautiful. The nurse came back over to take the baby and clean her up, but before she did, Lily Samantha opened her eyes and looked right at Kate.

Kate looked over at Jack; he sat down next to her and kissed her. Kate wrapped her arms around Jack and savored their embrace. Their lips parted, but their foreheads were still touching. Jack held onto Kate's hand, his other hand gently touching the side of her face. Kate was crying. She couldn't explain or even attempt to convey the happiness she was feeling. It was so if all the good in the world and been wrapped up in a present and given to Kate. She felt inhuman; this kind of happiness had always felt impossible.

"You are so strong," Jack said softly. He wiped away a tear falling onto Kate's cheek. Kate smiled and let out a soft laugh, "I love you."

"I love you," Kate replied.

They broke apart their embrace as the nurse brought Lily over to them, wrapped up in her tiny pink blanket. Kate motioned for the nurse to give Lily to Jack. Jack was sitting on the edge of the bed, facing Kate as the nurse handed them him the baby. Jack just looked down at the baby, she staring back up at him.

Lily had a mess of brown hair and Kate's nose and mouth, but she had Jack's eyes.

"She's beautiful," Jack said softly.

Kate just smiled. There were no words to speak. There was nothing eloquent enough to explain what it was like to see something so small and perfect, to see something that had been wanted so bad and created with someone you loved more then life. They had created a life, a perfect little girl who was named for a strong girl… first name for her favorite flower, middle name after Sam. Lily was a namesake who hopefully have the same strength as Sam.

Jack remained silent as he looked down at his daughter, she had fallen asleep, but he didn't want to get the nurse. He looked up at Kate, she had fallen asleep. He hadn't been able to tell her what this whole journey meant to him. Kate had saved him and given him a family. But Jack knew that Kate knew his feelings, he didn't have to say them. Because that was Kate, no matter what she said about him, Jack being so strong and mighty, she was the reason why. It's easy to be strong when you have someone worth fighting for. And now he had three.

To be continued…


	35. Time Flies

Chapter 35: Time Flies

"Mommy look!" yelled Lily attempting to lift a pumpkin twice the size of her head off the ground. Lily had no avail. She yelled over to her seven-year-old brother to come and help her. Jacob sprinted to his sister's aid. Even together they could not lift the pumpkin.

"Lily Samantha," Kate said looking kneeling down so she and Lily would be the same height. "Did you have to find the biggest pumpkin in the entire patch?"

"We have a bet who can find the biggest pumpkin," Lily said innocently her hazel eyes sparkling in the autumn sunlight. Kate laughed and looked around for Jack. She would pick up the pumpkin if it weren't for her belly. Soon it would be the size of the pumpkin. But she still had two months before that would happen. She was due at the end of December.

"Go get Daddy," Kate said after standing up slowly. She hadn't gained much weight from this pregnancy; running after her three kids kept her in shape. It didn't matter if it was ballet lessons, karate, work or elementary school… she was always busy.

Lily took off at a run to find her Dad. Jack was standing at the other end of the pumpkin patch, Marley Claire in his arms. Their three-year-old daughter was squirming around. She wanted to run around, but he knew once he let her go she would take off at lightening speed.

"It was a quite complicated procedure," Jack explained to Margot as they walked together through the pumpkin patch.

"There!" yelled Marley happily. She pointed to a pumpkin covered in dirt and vines.

"Is that the one you want?" Jack asked.

"Yes! Yes! Yes!" Marley squealed.

Jack looked over at Margot to pick it up. Margot frowned at her son and then looked down at her Prada shoes and then stepped into the dirt and picked up the pumpkin holding it against her getting dirt all over her fur coat. Anything for her grandbabies.

"Daddy!" Lily said running over to her Dad and Grandmother. "I found the perfect pumpkin! I need you to come get it."

"Did you show Mommy?" asked Jack putting Marley down on the ground. One more of her kicks to his chest he would be done for.

"I see!" Marley said taking off at a run towards Kate and Jacob who were keeping a close eye on the perfect pumpkin just incase someone tried to take it.

Lily was running off too, a minute later Jack and Margot caught up with them.

"Lily Samantha I believe you found the biggest pumpkin," Jack said picking it up. It was a struggle even for him.

"I win!" said Lily triumphantly.

"That's not fair!" Jacob replied with a pout.

"Come on now," Kate said giving Jack a look. He smiled at her. They loved being parents, plain and simple, "Let's not fight. Aren't you excited that you get to go to grandma's and carve your pumpkins?"

"Oh yes," Margot said less then enthused, "Thrilled."

"Grandma!" Lily said putting her hands on her hips. "You need a pumpkin."

"Oh no dear," Margot said kindly, "I really don't."

"Yes you doooooo," Jacob said agreeing with his sister. "We will find you one. Come on Marley."

The three kids took off at run, Lily holding onto Marley's hand. Not running too fast, but only fast enough where Marley's tiny legs could keep up.

"Those are great kids," Margot said as she watched her grandchild search for her pumpkin.

"I know," Jack said putting an arm around Kate. She leaned her head against him.

They were both wearing their scrubs, underneath their windbreakers, from their day at work. Kate had one more week left before she would be completely incapable of doing any of her duties, then she would spend everyday at home with Marley.

It had been a struggle to get pregnant with Marley. It took over a year of trying before Kate became pregnant. Then Marley had been born during a flood. It took Jack an hour to get to the hospital. Normally it would have only taken fifteen minutes. If they hadn't gotten there Marley would have been born in Jack's truck.

"Mommy!" Lily's voice called over the crisp autumn air, "Jacob cut himself."

"Be right back," Kate said walking through the pumpkins. She knelt down in front of Jacob who had cut his hand on a sharp edge of a stick. Out of her purse she took out a first aid kit and put on a pair of rubber gloves and then cleaned and bandaged his wound.

There hadn't been a single scare with Jacob and his HIV. He had been able to comprehend the idea since he was four. All he had known at the time that blood wasn't supposed to touch anything or anyone. As he had grown older he had understood more about the disease specifically. There had been times where he had gotten sick from his medication and he had to have more shots then the other kids to prevent random illnesses. Otherwise he was living his life as a normal seven year old.

"Is that grandma's pumpkin?" asked Kate after she had wrapped up the gloves and band-aids in a tiny trash bag and stuffed it into her purse.

"Yes," Jacob said picking it up since this one was a lot lighter then Lily's.

"Do you want me to carry it Jacob?" Kate asked kindly.

"No," replied Jacob wanting to show his strength. He hoisted up the pumpkin and walked back to Jack and Grandma with Lily and Marley proudly.

"Okay," Kate said after all four pumpkins were safely tucked away in the trunk of Margot's car. She was looking at her three kids in the backseat of the Lexus. "Be good and don't give Grandma any trouble. We will pick ya'll up tomorrow morning and then we will go to the zoo okay?"

"Bye Mommy!" all the kids called.

Kate and Jack were half way to the care when Marley's tiny voice called after then. They turned around and Marley whispered into Jack's ear. Jack picked up Marley and she kissed Kate's stomach.

"Bye baby," Marley said. Jack put her back down and she ran back into the car.

"Are you ready?" Jack asked Kate.

"Yes," Kate said. Tonight was a Friday night. Margot had offered to take the kids to give Jack and Kate some time to rest and just be together without the kids.

Things hadn't changed too much. Jack and Kate were still the exact same people. Parenthood hadn't had any negative effects on their life. They weren't super-parents. The scary parents who are involved in every single activity at school and always had a big cheesy smile plastered to their faces. They didn't have fresh baked cookies waiting for their kids everyday; Parents who were plastic and robotic. They were the kinds of parents who took their kids to the zoo and made crazy animal sounds. They did messy crafts in the kitchen and when each of them were completely covered in paint, glitter, and glue they would go outside and clean off in the hose. All five Shephard's volunteered at the Memphis AIDS Clinic once a week. The kids befriended the patients while Jack and Kate used their medical knowledge to treat patients. Jack and Kate were the kind of parents that every kid wished for.

Margot had adapted to Memphis well enough. She still wore her furs and designers shoes. But now she would pick up dirty pumpkins and bake cookies from scratch. Despite a slight accent now when they said certain words, the Shephard's were the same.

Claire and Sayid had married three weeks after Lily was born and one day before Jack and Kate had left. They had six kids now. Kate called Claire the baby-making machine. Aaron was now in his teenage years and had mood swings to prove it. Claire loved to call Kate and tell her all about the drama in his life. It was like a real life soap opera. Harry was six like Lily. A year after Harry Claire had had the twins, Katelyn and Jacqueline, Grace almost exactly nine months after them and Luke was seven months old.

Claire had come out to Memphis for Marley's birth and would be coming out the week Kate was expecting baby number four to come. They had also made it a ritual of talking to each other every other day on the phone at exactly nine of clock. Their husbands knew not to be on the phone at that time or deal with the consequences.

It had occurred to Kate six months after moving to Memphis that she was now living in Sawyer's home state. But she hadn't seen him since that day they had had lunch. She didn't think of his often and when she did… she wondered if he was happy… but Kate knew Sawyer and knew his stubbornness probably caused him to be alone. But she hoped that he was had found someone that completed him like Jack completed her.

"I am going to miss not seeing my Mom carve a pumpkin," Jack said as he entertained the thought of Margot sticking her hand into a pumpkin and removing the contents.

Kate laughed. She could see it too. Her three beautiful children playing with the seeds and pumpkin guts while Margot was dressed as if she was preparing for surgery. She would probably have one of her maids gut her pumpkin.

Marley and Lily could be twins if they were the same age. Each had long curly brown hair and hazel eyes. They had Jack's mouth and a sprinkle of freckles across their noses. Jacob stood out in the family. His auburn hair was curly and out of control. If he didn't comb it after a bath he would end up with an Afro. He had his sister's eyes and sense of humor.

Kate could remember the one night she had come into his room to check on him and saw him sleeping soundly. Jacob had been having nightmares for the whole week and she had found it surprising that he was sleeping. The next morning she asked him if he had a nightmare. He said yes but then in the middle of it a girl with long red hair wearing a white dress and a lily in her hair came into the dream, took his hand, and told him not to be afraid that she was there with him. Kate knew from that moment on that her family was being watched over. Sam was the reason she believed in angels.

"What do you want to do?" Jack asked as they pulled up in front of their home.

They had planned on building a house the entire time before they had moved. But once they had gotten to Memphis and searched the suburbs they had found the prefect Victorian house for sale. It had to be gutted and remodeled, but it was perfect.

"Movie, dinner, night at home?" Jack asked shutting off the car.

"Night in," Kate said yawning. She wanted to spend the night watching a movie curled up in Jack's arms.

"Alright," Jack said agreeing.

Kate was curled up her head resting on Jack's shoulder. She had a blanket tossed over her lower half, her hand buried in a popcorn bowl. They were watching the Shawshank Redemption. It was Jack's favorite movie in was in gulfed in it. Every once in a while he would kiss her forehead or hold her hand.

It was simple moments like this that made their marriage special. Not everyone had what they did and most could never imagine being in this kind of love.

Insert line from Shawshank Redemption

Kate laughed to herself. She remembered running down Jack's street in Los Angeles… running towards the dream of being with Jack. She had just been dumped by Sawyer and was feeling free. It had been amazing. That day had changed everything. She could not imagine what her life would be like if she had not gotten that job at the hospital. Kate tried not to think about it. What she had now was worth more then all the riches in the world.

"What's so funny?" Jack asked looking over at her.

"Nothing," Kate said shaking her head.

Jack gave her a puzzled look and then Kate kissed him.

"I love you."

"I love you too," he told her softly.

On December 24th Kate and Jack welcomed Aiden Christian into their family. Like Claire had promised she had flown in from L.A. Like the two times before she called the doctors fuck-faces and made sure that Kate was comfortable. She remembered the Bob Marley CD and Jack held Kate's hand. He didn't tell her she was strong as often because after doing this for a third time she had to know it by now.

As Kate held Aiden in her arms she felt a sense of completion. She knew her family was finally complete. She had gotten her dreams… and it was only because of Jack and the fact that he had given her the love she had always wanted.

THE END


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